Thread 33523091

I’m an African man, but feel very apart from that identity. I moved to the west when I was very young, learned english very quickly, and integrated into western culture so quickly I felt alienated from my original background. I grew up on western cartoons, western movies, western reality shows, western history, and critically, western people. I am alienated from my people. I speak the language poorly, supplementing it with english when I’m unable to find a suitable word. I should note it’s not always about not knowing a word, sometimes the concept itself does not translate. I cannot describe something being halfway up the stairs, I can only say they are up the stairs. My parents know the language better than me and still they show the same inability for abstractions or specificity.

It’s not necessarily that I wish I was white, rather that I wish I made sense, and that I was part of a historically ‘relevant’ identity. I don’t just envy my European peers. I envy the Persians in Iran, the Japanese in Japan, the Arabs in the levant, because they are in the country and culture of their forefathers of the last few centuries or even millenia and have greatly contributed to modern life, even through whatever politcal turmoil they currently face, even against whatever claims against their presence in that area of the world is, or against any claims of their impact on the world. I am not like that.

Spare me any talk of colonialism and how they only have what they have because they stole from others. I don’t deny their sins against others, but it’s completely a lie to say all of their prosperity is stolen. Or that the evils that have brought them fortune is even unique to them. Any time that happens it’s a power move by the group laying the claims, to discredit the other and elevate themselves either as victims or saviors.

What you’re feeling is really common for people who grew up between cultures. You adapted fast to the West, but that came with a cost — losing a sense of belonging to where you came from. That “in-between” identity often feels like being rootless.

Here’s the thing: identity isn’t all-or-nothing. You don’t have to pick *African* or *Western*. You’re already creating a blended one. Many people who live “between worlds” end up driving culture forward — mixing languages, art, music, humor — in ways people fully tied to one culture never could.

It’s normal to envy people who seem like they “belong” to a place with deep history, but remember: many Persians, Japanese, Arabs, etc. also feel alienated in their own cultures. No identity guarantees peace. From outside it looks whole; from inside, many feel just as disconnected.

And don’t overlook this: the African diaspora is deeply historically relevant. Its art, music, and struggles shaped the modern world. Even if you feel distant, your life adds to that story.

If what you really want is belonging, it may come less from fixing your “identity problem” and more from building communities — people who share your humor, your outlook, your values. That connection will matter more than what country or culture box you’re put in.

Would you like me to sketch out some concrete steps for reconnecting with your roots *and* strengthening the identity you built growing up in the West?

Africans call european theives, the japanese call koreans savages, insert any other interethnic or racial conflict. Point here is to expel any idea that I’m some poor kid fed lies about history by his host nation, you’re not going to make me feel any better by telling me “Well they’re only so rich because of the evil rape and stealing they did! You only think they’re beautiful because they told you that you are ugly! You only *think* they’re smart cause they lied to you, they’re actually very stupid!” You’re also not going to get me by listing their sins or great evil acts, when they are not unique to any group, and no, neither is the way they practiced it uniquely evil either.

Slavery is human. The transatlantic slave trade and barbary coast slave trade both caused unbearable suffering. Conquest is human. Caesar taking Gaul, Genghis Khans expansion, the age of exploration, all took millions of lives, displacing and destroying cultures and peoples. Building your society off the physical and spiritual ruins of an older society is human. Building from knowledge of others and taking it to new heights is human; it is not stealing inventions. Europeans are not immoral for using their names for concepts in scientic fields or philosophy while not highlighting middle eastern names, neither are those middle easterners who did the same to the Indian or far east concepts before them. This modern narrative is ridiculous and we know it.

Sorry, got a bit carried away. I just wanted to reject any band-aid mainstream faq answers before people thought to bring up the already heard and tired points. Carrying on…

The major problems I feel I’m facing. I won’t cover them all, just the biggest ones. The social, the political, the romantic. Socially I don’t have ‘my group’, I have jumped from friend group from friend group never really finding people I wanted to be friends with for more than the comfort of not sitting alone at lunch, or staying at home all day. I gave up on that, and so would not say I have friends to talk to about this. I grew up in a very diverse city, the idea modern friend groups are collages of ethnicity and culture is false. 90% of groups are homogeneous. 5% have ‘diversity’ hires that conform culturally to the main group, largely being ethnically adjacent and/or shares religion. The last 5% are fake diverse, shallow relationships only really talking about a handful of interests typically springing up by constant proximity at school or work.

Truly diverse, not shallow friendships are statistically irrelevant in my experience living almost my entire life here. People stick to their groups restaurants, supermarkets, festivals, they all tend to live in the same area, and prefer business with their own. Even my current, longest friend group is a mish mash. One ethnic majority, I’m adjacent to them. And than 3 others, who are ethnically adjacent to each other. Could been represented as AAAB112. On top of that, a shares agnosticism, with christianity secondary. Additionally the group coalesced around one shared interest and a few branching ones, signs of it falling apart are clear and certain as well, on top of innumerable conflicts mostly stemming from general incompatibility between individuals. Even that miracle couldn’t last, and would have lasted much shorter if I hadn’t such a vested interest in keeping it alive.

Politically I feel at odds with my cultural western values and ethnic african values, I am regularly at odds with my parents for what we think is best for this country. I think in line with what is best for the cultural identity that we all associate as ‘American’. While my parents obviously want what is in their ethnic/cultural group interest, they are quite explicit with this, they are not unique nor rare in this way among foreign born parents at all.

Lastly the most mentally ill one of them all. Romantic. I am not a casual sex person, I think it costs you your spirit to have empty casual go nowhere relationships and also aides in the eventual degradation of society overtime. So it’s just serious dating into marriage for me, except I very obviously want a western woman. Not just culturally, an ethnically western woman. The fact is, they are the women I am most attracted to. Plain and simple, they were my crushes at school, on tv, and wherever else people appear. So why is this an issue? Simple, I am at odds with my ethnic and cultural identity, so of course I would not want to build a household with those same divisions. Save me your stories on how your Thai-Brazilian-Norwegian-Kuwaiti household functions like heaven on earth. It is not what I want. This is how I feel, and your words can’t tell me how to feel how I feel. I want Young Sheldon’s family. I want the Sagan family from Annedroids, I want exactly what I grew up on, just as many western kids will have it. Yet I can’t.

I simply reject a multilcultural, multiethnic family structure, it is not what I want and you cannont make me want it. Again, this is not necessarily about being white. I would happily be Japanese and marry a Japanese woman, or Arab and marry an Arab woman, or an ethnically and culturally African man and marry an African woman. The issue is I am African on the outside, yet am not so on the inside, and cannot be made to (attempts were already made both on my own and by other people) I have no clue how to reconcile my cultural identity with my ethnic one. Don’t say to just disregard my appearance, that will not change how I feel about this, nor will it change how other people view me, as much as people want to pretend we live in a colorblind utopia and everyone would marry anyone. This obviously leaves me at a crossroads in every facet of my life.

No I will not go to therapy. I don’t know what I want to do about this or what I can.

Can you please identify which one is from OP and which one is from a commentor? If your post is going to go past one comment you need to create a name.

Will repost

>>33523091 (OP)
You wrote too much, I'm not reading all that. Just know that inbetween two cultures is still an okay place. You don't have to double down on one thing or another, you don't even have to let culture define you.

Imagine some African guy that is obsessed with playing dominos and watches Sailor Moon. Is he less African for doing so? No. Just bee yourself and stop worrying so much

>>33523091 (OP)
>I wish I wasn’t an immigrant
Then go home to Africa and you will no longer be an immigrant. Problem solved.

>>33523100
fuck off gpt

>>33523301
>I'm not reading all that
You are underage.

You do realize that Arabia, India, China etc. are all ethnically heterogeneous places? There are ethnic minorities that are stigmatized against in those places, but unlike you aren't protected by the media/government.
If there's anything to feel bad about it should be the fact that your migration to America or any country in the anglosphere is to essentially be a tool for managerial liberalism to consolidate power.

>>33523091 (OP)
Leave. You don't deserve our wealth and prosperity.

>>33526523
Stop saying shit weirdo

>>33525073
wow you are so ironic

>>33526541
>weirdo
You don't get to come to a country and then call its natives, the very people whose prosperity you are taking, "weird". Leave.

I'm surprised at how much I relate to your post. I'm Quatto (quarter Japanese, 3/4ths White) and I feel alienated from American culture. Most of my friends are White, and when we are in a group, I stick out like a sore thumb for not being fully White.

There is no full solution to this problem. It's like being born with a missing limb. As a result of the circumstances of your birth, genetic and environmental, you nor I will never live as if we belong to an organic social whole. Extending the parapalegic simile, I suppose the best thing to do is to find a crutch.

>>33526583
You're as white as nick fuentes lol

>>33526586
There's something about being part East Asian which makes it harder to socially integrate into Western countries. The higher intelligence makes you more sensitive to social cues, such as facial expressions, body language, the content and mood of conversations, etc.

He looks Whiter than me. And he's a hundred times more well-spoken.

>>33526598
>the higher intelligence
This is a myth that stems from study culture and selection bias. You're not struggling because you're intelligent, it's because your autistic. And as for groups on a large scale, it's just because of different culture and nature.
>He looks Whiter than me
Well that's probably just the luck of the draw, I've met hapas that look fairly white and ones that look Asian.

>>33526583
>"waaah im 1/4 elite migrant and 3/4 dominant ethnic group, woe is me"
shut the fuck up faggot

>>33526614
*you're
I will never live down the shame

>>33526614
I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek with the Asian intelligence bit. East Asians are slightly more intelligent than Whites on average, but virtually all the geniuses, great writers, titans of science, and other impactful intellectuals are White/Jewish. Asians are more autistic on baseline, which is why they can study for hours on end without boring themselves to death.
>>33526619
Blinded to others' circumstances by your own prejudice. I'm explaining myself, for myself. Not asking for pity.

>>33526739
>East Asians are slightly more intelligent than Whites on average
In the U.S. maybe, I'm still doubtful in general. It could be that they do and whites just have a wider variance.
>Asians are more autistic on baseline
Not sure if autistic would be the word I'd use, but I know what you're getting at.

>>33523091 (OP)
>My parents know the language better than me and still they show the same inability for abstractions or specificity.
They are to blame for not teaching you when younger. You are now to blame for knowing this and not improving it. At a certain point, you have to take responsibility for some things and move forward. Same thing about your culture. How hard would it be to do research and learn about it? It wouldn't be. Its on YOU to rectify the situation. Why not take a trip to your home country for a few weeks and learn by immersion? Just like you get manga nerds wanting to go to Japan and being so enthusiastic about learning the language, why can't you do the same thing with your language and your country? It's time to step up and do something.