Thread 33625454

I'm 23 and I'm kind of retarded. Always, always, whenever I've been in a friend group, I've eventually ended up on the outside looking in. I become the weird friend who just awkwardly hangs out. This even happens with social circles I myself formed. Honestly considering jumping off of a bridge.
The problem is clearly me, but I don't know what I'm doing or how to stop it. Is it over for me?

>>33625454 (OP)
You just gotta find another outcast to be friends with, you're trying to befriend the wrong people.

>>33625514
But what makes someone an outcast in the first place?

>>33625454 (OP)
If you're retarded you should stick with a dyad. Larger friend groups are usually ruled by apathy and politics and the rule of group values (hedonism , wokism, being a faggot, academic/social mobility

>>33625567
not necessarily another outcast but someone who's also in your situation, who also get pushed out of friend groups

>>33625454 (OP)
>I become the weird friend who just awkwardly hangs out.
because you have no prevailing personality. You have no self-esteem to the point that people just walk all over you. You are too afraid to call people out or talk shit when it is needed on your behalf. You can't be so nice all the time, humans need SOME drama. If you are being shit on, talk shit back. If you feel you aren't being invited, yell it in the group chat or gathering.
>with social circles I myself formed.
you have a thing for getting people together but are too afraid of being part of the group. Either because you are too selfish to give to the benefit of the group or are too uncaring. Its either you are part of the group or you are not. You are choosing not to be- so they treat you as such, very simple.
>I don't know what I'm doing
yes you do, you lie to yourself too. If you are unhappy about a situation do everything in your power to make it so you can be. If you don't learn from your mistakes, youll repeat them dummy.

>>33625454 (OP)
>not the center of attention for more than 5% of the time
>I want to die!!!!
Grow up, manfaggot
You have two ears and one mouth. Shed your self-obsessed mindset. Listen and learn from other people.

>>33625785
You assume too much. I'm fine with not being the centre of attention. I just stop being invited to stuff and it makes me feel like shit.
>>33625775
I'll try to do that. Thanks.

>>33625827
A vague post with no examples makes assumptions necessary. Besides, a knee-jerk defensive reaction like "you're assuming too much" bespokes a state of denial, versus the non-defensive reaction of providing more information about the social dynamics of these past friend groups in order that anons may make more accurate assumptions.

My best memories during my social years (age 22 - 25) involved very little attention being directed my way. I was simply a part of the circle, drinking and smoking with the rest, listening and engaged, but only making the occasional deadpan comment. Like another anon said, even if you're the quiet guy you have to be funny & provocative enough to make people laugh or react to what you say, but not so harsh or uptight that people begin saying "that guy's an asshole who can't take a joke, I don't want to hang out with him". Awkwardness is a sign that you are overly obsessed with your standing instead of mentally engaging with the others. Alcohol helps your brain become more fluid and tuned in to the present moment instead of thinking the typical big-picture past & future thoughts of the anxious-minded like "what am I to these people? what do they think of me? did that last thing I said go over the wrong way, because it was basically ignored by everyone"

The possibility of one person in a social group disliking you and subtly using his own status to ostracize you from the rest of the group cannot be discounted. This happened to me once. It took me weeks before his behavior pattern became obvious, but by that time, he had accomplished his desired goal of pushing me out of the circles where all the girls hung out. (Their mixed dorms were ten miles away from my all-guys dorm at a different facility.) I turned to smoking marijuana more heavily, and gradually became more alienated and hostile toward everyone who I once considered a friend. Eventually I had an altercation with my supervisor, ruining what was a very warm relationship and leading to me walking off the job mid-shift when she became abusive toward me after overhearing a conversation that had nothing to do with her and was none of her business. So did her daughter, turning on me in an instant and refusing to talk about what happened, only yelling abuse "Get the fuck out of my store!" She was working as a cashier at the resort store. That taught me a lot about how friendships built on years of trust and long conversations can vanish in an instant and turn into enmity.

Yeah it took some time getting over that whole episode of burning bridges, watching all my old friends slowly drop off the radar one by one until none remained. The only path forward was to get stronger and to integrate those painful lessons about human behavior. To this day, humans and their dogs every now and then exhibit sudden and unprovoked hostility toward me for who I am, but no longer does this catch me by surprise or make me question my self-worth. It simply is part of the unpleasant aspects of life, and must be accepted as such.

>>33625945
>>33626018
autist incoherent rambling. A pseudo-intellectual weirdo who bloviates about his own accomplishments- that, mind you- never happened. topkek

I never have enough free time to give. That's one reason. Doesn't sound like yours since you're upset.

>>33625454 (OP)
Just don't shut up, you are probably too quiet. I've realized sometimes people will come around to you simply because you talk a lot.

>>33625454 (OP)
If you're anything like me you're so used to avoiding or not getting attention that you give it away on purpose and don't let your true self out so you avoid drama.

>>33625454 (OP)
Do you ever reach out? Are you ever the one who says "Let's all go see that movie" or whatever?

From the outside, shyness and social awkwardness can look a lot like aloofness, and if you don't keep reminding them of your interest in the group, they will get the idea that YOU don't like THEM. And then they will respect what they think are your desires by leaving you alone.

>>33625454 (OP)
>Why do I end up on the periphery of every friend group?
>I'm kind of retarded.
That's why, obviously. Retarded people are a drag.

>>33625454 (OP)
Not everyone is a social butterfly, and that is alright. Learn to live with your shortcomings and try to get better at the things you're struggling with.
Social things are complicated, and often annoying, but that doesn't mean you're dysfunctional and need to give up. Those things will just always be a bit harder for you.