Thread 33808793

[im not asking for sympathy, i dont deserve it]
i cheated on my boyfriend of two years. i got sent nudes and i sent some back but it never went beyond that. he is my first everything. my first love, my first sexual experience, my first kisser etc… i came out to my family because of how much i love him. rightfully so, he is very upset with me and i don’t hold any resentment towards him. we haven’t talked at all about since that day [about a week ago]. he gave me my stuff back. he says he’s still processing and i told him he can take all the time he needs.
i haven’t been able to live with the guilt, it’s been eating me up inside. i can’t eat food without wanting to throw up. i’ve had 7 panic attacks: one on the road where i almost hit someone, two back to back with one of those lasting over 30 minutes and one that i’m just recovering from. we hang out with friends but it’s not the same and i can’t enjoy myself. i’ve picked up smoking and i’ve been getting drunk every night since. i dread the night, i can’t stand being alone with my thoughts. looking at my bedroom door makes me scared and lightheaded. i don’t want to rush him for answers either. im not suicidal but i can’t live anymore. we have a 4 day trip coming up in 2 days and i dont know how im going to get through it.

>>33808793 (OP)
sorry for the long text, had a lot to say :b

>>33808793 (OP)
If "smoking" means cannabis, that will be making you feel worse when you're not high. And alcohol will also be making you feel worse when you're not drunk. Stop doing those things and you may feel a little better.

sorry, should’ve said specifics
i’ve started smoking cigarettes
trying not to drink tonight but it’s hard knowing there’s an easy “solution” right next to me

>>33808793 (OP)
hey man that sucks. ive been there, and let me tell you, i wanted to die so badly, and since then, many years have passed and i dont think im a bad person anymore, i was just young and stupid like you, and hurt someone and myself. it happens. though ive done worse things than just nudes lmao, but that is of course still cheating and very hurtful. but it will get better but i know it sucks right now. idk if your relationship will survive, i think it shouldnt and you should start grieving it, but please dont think youre an evil man or something, it was just a dumb thing to do.

>>33808793 (OP)
Quit smoking and drinking. It's just going to give you more problems. Alcohol amplifies your feelings. Smoking is just really bad for you, like can cut your lifespan in half bad. You owned up to your actions, don't ever do it again, and maybe he'll forgive you, but you're going to feel like crap until you have that talk. You also need to think about why you did it.

>>33808855
i so badly don’t want it to end. he is the light in my life and if we break up, i genuinely don’t know what i will do. he became baked into my life i can’t imagine living without him being around :/
it’s nice to know i’m not the only person who makes these mistakes in a weird-about way but god i can’t stand to even look in the mirror.

>>33808857
that’s all i’ve been doing since that night. as to why?
a mix of letting my curiosity wander too far and that high of doing something wrong.
i’m dreading the talk but he texted a couple minutes ago that he’ll seeing me soon. i’m hoping he gives me another shot to do him right.

>>33808793 (OP)
listen to me you faggot ass retard. it's over, you fucked up, it'll never be the same. come to grips with it, despite your pairbonding instincts telling you it's the end of the world, there are a billion other faggot ass losers who will fuck you in the ass just like your precious boyfriend. Get over yourself and stop crying

>>33808793 (OP)
It's over.
If he has a shred of self respect, he'll leave you; if not, you'll resent him forever for being weak, even if you consciously don't want to.
Cheating can never be undone, and broken trust is impossible to repair, so I hope the nudes were worth it as they usually never are.
t.was a cheater and got cheated on.
It never pays off in the end, and the truth always comes to light.
Hopefully you've learned not to fuck over your next boyfriend on a whim like this.
This relationship is beyond dead now.

>>33808793 (OP)
I won't read vent threads. This is an advice board.

>>33808793 (OP)
You've broken trust, and that can't be completely fixed ever again. Learn from this, try to keep moving forwards.

And never cheat again. Be better than you are.

Typical woman