Thread 33822675

Foid autist. I'm so fucking sick of living like this I just want to be normal. It doesn't matter if people are nice to me because I feel like they're just doing it out of pity or to make themselves feel charitable. I have friends but I can't understand why people would go so far out of their way and inconvenience themselves to put up with me. I try really hard to be agreeable and submissive and not even in a fake way I just convince myself that I'm wrong and they're right. When they make plans with me I just assume I'm not invited even though I know I obviously am and that makes me really annoying and clingy and miserable to be around. My friends want me to get better but I feel like the only way I could be any more insufferable is if I didn't know how insufferable I was. I hate going outside by myself unless it's at night and I don't want to ask anyone to go with me because I don't want to be a burden. All I ever do in my free time is sit around and cry for hours and cut myself and I've started skipping classes so I don't have to get up in the morning so I can spend the whole day at home without having to worry about other people looking at me. I didn't get out of bed again today and now the whole day is gone. I hate living like this but it's all I've ever known and I feel like I don't deserve any better.

>>33822675 (OP)
Are you fat, or maybe an emaciated stick? Either way, an exercise routine, both resistance and endurance, could make a world of difference to your mental state.

>t. Giver of what might seem like dad advice.

>>33822675 (OP)
>I try really hard to be agreeable and submissive and not even in a fake way I just convince myself that I'm wrong and they're right.
Stop being fake, it is extremely exhausting and you owe absolutely nothing to the pieces of trash that make up 99% of humans on this planet.
If you're insufferable, then so fucking what? Be insufferable. You'd be one of the only people that doesn't have any illusions about being insufferable and that already makes you the most important thing any human can be, which is truthful.

>>33822675 (OP)
It's a bit difficult to know where to start with this: you clearly need a lot more help than you can find on a Mongolian basket weaving forum. You need to talk to your doctor, get a competent therapist, that kind of thing.

One thing I might perhaps say is that you are being extremely presumptuous here, by making decisions for other people that you have no right to make. People have agency. If someone is trying to be friends with you, you don't get to decide what their motives are. Obviously if you don't *want* to be friends with them, that's your choice. But if someone wants to be friends with you, and you decide that they shouldn't want to - what gives you the right to make that decision? What gives you the right to decide FOR THEM what kind of person they should be friends with, or what kind of person they should want to be friends with?

If someone wants to be friends with you, credit them with enough intelligence and perceptiveness to already know what you are like. Assume that they already know exactly what you're like and want to be friends with you anyway. It is insulting for you to assume that they are too stupid to see what kind of person you are.

>>33823998
I think the disconnect comes from the fact that I can't imagine why anyone would want to be friends with me, so if someone does it must be because they don't know what I'm actually like and it's only a matter of time before I disappoint them so I try really hard to be someone they'd like because I don't think I can take being alone with myself even though I know that's just going to make me more unlikeable I feel like if I'm not going to be liked anyway I'd like to at least make an effort.
I saw a doctor but I feel too bad doing that because I feel like I'm taking resources away from people with potential who actually need it and deserve to get better more than I do.

>>33824175
Advocate for yourself and choose to get better. Actually make choices that are better for you.

>>33824312
I'm too desperate and I really need people to like me. Everyone always says to just be yourself but the only way I've ever had friends is by trying to be someone I'm not, otherwise I just get bullied. I feel like if I try to take myself seriously I'll just piss people off more even though i know that probably isn't the case. I feel like I don't deserve to be advocated for and that it's my duty to do anything I can for other people because they're worth more, so even when people bully me I feel like I'm helping them take out their frustration so it doesn't feel as bad. I don't want to live like this but I know giving up will only disappoint the people who believe in me and they don't deserve that.

Take it from a Moid autist who dropped out due to this stuff + Alcoholic parent who needed watched, isolating won't fix the problem.
I don't know the solution but I can speak from lived experience that kicking the can down the road doesn't fix it, you won't simply outgrow this.

>>33822675 (OP)
Pick up drawing

>>33822675 (OP)
as someone who has been there, aside from therapy which helped me personally, i think what also made a huge impact was forming online friendships. for me, while i hid myself irl, i could be a little more free online, so i made friends over anime sites. maybe see what you're really interested in and try to find communities for it online to talk to people and you'll slowly be more comfortable being yourself
though a lot of it is unfortunately still just getting over yourself. on your way to recovery, you are the one who has to do the work but you can take it slowly, step by step, if it's too scary otherwise.
also something i do nowadays is i have a "logical part" and an "emotional part" in my head. idk how healthy or normal this is but when i think my friends hate me and that impacts a decision like coming to an event, i let my logical part think about everything i know for sure and weigh it out with the emotional part and make a decision that way while trying to go out of my comfort zone if it seems fitting
i wish you all the best and hope you can recover because i know what it feels like all too well

>>33824175
>I think the disconnect comes from the fact that I can't imagine why anyone would want to be friends with me, so if someone does it must be because they don't know what I'm actually like and it's only a matter of time before I disappoint them
Right, but do you see how patronising and insulting you're being there? You think that the other person is too STUPID or too blind (metaphorically) to be able to see you as you actually are.

Now, sure, some people are stupid, no question. But are you telling me only stupid people ever want to be friends with you? That every person who has ever wanted to be friends with you was an idiot?

Now, I know that is not how you think about it right now. But it is how you need to *start* thinking about it. The next time you find yourself thinking that way, you need to say to yourself "Wait a minute, why am I being so arrogant as to think that this person is too dumb to see me the way I really am?" Ask yourself: do they seem stupid? Do they seem like someone who doesn't understand people?

You need to realise that, if you were right about you not being worthy of friends, that would have all kinds of implications about the people who want to be friends with you. And if those implications aren't true (if they're intelligent, perceptive people) then your assumption can't be correct.

This is what, in Maths or Logic, is called "reductio ad absurdum".

>>33824175
>I saw a doctor but I feel too bad doing that because I feel like I'm taking resources away from people with potential who actually need it and deserve to get better more than I do.
This is a bit like someone whose car has broken down deciding not to take it to a mechanic because other people have nicer cars. The doctor doesn't *care* how much potential you have; it's his *job* to help you. That's what he's paid to do. Let him do the job he is being paid to do.

>>33824398
>the only way I've ever had friends is by trying to be someone I'm not, otherwise I just get bullied
How old were you the last time you tried that?

>>33827803
I think you're right, I also find it a lot easier to talk to people online but I don't really know where to find people online.
I guess I could join a Minecraft or discord server or something, but it's always intimidating to do that sort of thing because it feels like everyone already had their own friends already and I feel like I'm intruding.
I decided yesterday that I want to get better but it feels like I haven't made any progress and it's not possible for me.

>>33827942
15ish, and I'm 19 now

>>33827922
I think when you put it that way I sort of get it. It's the same way I wouldn't want someone breathing down my neck and backseat driving every time I try to do something. Even if they believe they have good intentions it's still annoying to be looked at as if I can't make basic decisions like that for myself.
I found I don't really trust people either, like when I do something wrong I don't trust them to tell me out of pity or politeness which leads to me trying to overcorrect and do everything by myself, which sounds just as patronising when it's all laid out like that.

>>33824398
No one likes a fake person. No one likes being lied to. I guarantee you that someone who thinks like that is not worth anything. And someone who bullies others for things as little as that is essentially a trash person and not worth Even acknowledging in the first place

>>33827946
idk about minecraft servers since i don't play a lot but that might be an idea, yeah!! otherwise discord servers would probably be my go to. i get the thing with intrusion and imo it's harder to talk in larger servers so maybe try something niche? like bc i'm into manga i joined a server of a niche manga i like that has like 10 active users and is really fun to talk in. of course you'd have to find something fitting for yourself that's active enough to actually have people to talk to but also gives you a chance to talk but im sure you can find something by trying
when i was rly young i also used to make friends in general chats of a niche gacha game that doesn't exist and clash of clans lol so if you have anything like that it might be an idea. also if you happen to be into anime/manga, you could give anilist a try, it's a site i used for tracking manga where i made most of my current online friends
it's good that you made the decision to get better already but the beginning can be hard, especially since you're not immediately gonna have results on the first day but it's good that you're trying!

>>33828526
I looked around for discord servers and couldn't find any I liked. They were all either too big, too small, too established or too different, so I ended up making my own and I'll probably put it online soon.
I figured if I'm gonna get better it might be nice to have people to hold me accountable and people that I feel like I can be there for whenever I feel like nobody needs me.

>>33829862
can i join it? i have the same problems trying to get into established friend groups and dont really have any online friends

>>33829909
Of course!! It's a little empty right now though ><
The link is https://discord.gg/WgmvaBBm

>>33822675 (OP)
You spend so much time trying to feel shit. Look at how often you invoke those feelings and how much you justify them.
That is not the behaviour of someone who wants to feel better.

>>33830013
I don't really know what led me to believe that if feeling like shit didn't fix my problems, then feeling like more shit would somehow make things better but it's become a habit now. It's easy for me to say that I want to get better but I also kind of want to see what kind of person I am when I'm not suffering. Like it's not really right for me to say that people won't want to associate with me if I don't really know anything about myself in the first place.

>>33822675 (OP)
seems SOME of that help is forced and toxic but also SOME must be genuine. You just gotta trust your gut here and get away from the toxic fakes. If you can wwed out the fakes and keep the real ones, which will end up being 1 or 2, first, if they dont know each other get them toguether and second be honest with them how you feel and be upfront that you want to be invited but need confirmation not assumption.

For real, having fake tixic help is way worse than having none at all because it is a waste of time and you cannot go from a blank slate.

>>33822675 (OP)
Fellow autist female. Honestly I was happiest and most productive & healthy when I abandoned having friendships or trying to maintain relationships. I realized they were unnecessary sources of stress and anxiety. When I did feel the slight twinge of wanting social contact, I attended hobby groups.
Get a hobby, find your passion. Stop caring what others think. It's your one chance at life, focus on enjoying it.

>>33822675 (OP)
The only correct answer is that you have to keep trying in your relationships and keep improving yourself so that you can be confident in yourself (fitness, skincare, beauty, productive hobbies, etc.). Eventually, yes, it will happen, you will find something that works for you. Any other answer is an attempt to twist reality and your problems into something else.
>>33824175
>I can't imagine why anyone would want to be friends with me
Stop trying to turn relationships into stringent analysis. Either they work out or they don't. Simple as.
>I saw a doctor but I feel too bad doing that because I feel like I'm taking resources away from people with potential who actually need it and deserve to get better more than I do.
Who gives a shit? The only person that matters in your life is you. Philanthropy be damned. And if you live in the US, the healthcare system is fucked anyways. Take advantage of it the most you can.
>>33827946
Making friends online won't fix your relationship problems irl. Could make the latter worse, in fact, if you choose to neglect irl things for whatever reason. They can be useful for connecting with people for niche hobbies or the like, but otherwise use online connectivity sparingly. Never forget the value of an irl friend.

>>33822675 (OP)
Your ruminate too much