Thread 33849734

i'm very much in love with my bf and he's my first everything. i'd like him to be my first and last boyfriend in the sense that we stay together forever.
but, this is what has been happening
>be khhv
>always found boys/men intimidating and scary, tended to avoid them
>meet my bf
>for the first time since i was 12, i had a crush
>sweeps me off my feet and we become essentially best friends, and then a couple
>happy relationship times, living like a married couple essentially
>go to concerts and festivals with bf sometimes since we like the same kind of music
>but, the more we go to concerts the more we meet an old friend he has who is big in the scene
>he's very respectful, gentlemanly, compared to most of my bf's friends who i thought were subtly hitting on me when i met them
>we're both not very talkative around each other it seems
>but still feel nervous energy whenever i'm around his him
>eventually realize i might have a crush on him
>especially after situations like for example..
>random guys kept bumping into me, and my bf not noticing it, but him cussing them out and getting angry, even if i was trying to look like it didn't bother me
>buying me and my bf drinks often because we are a bit poor and still studying
>just generally seeming attentive towards me, even if at the same time both of us avoid directly talking to each other
>i try to do everything right at this point
>keep as much of a distance while still being polite whenever we are around this friend
>last time my bf and i were at a concert (and the friend too) i felt like i made a mistake though
>definitely smiled and laughed way too much around the friend
>also accidentally stood right next to him very close at some point, thinking i was standing next to my bf, and my bf noticed (genuine mistake)
>got embarrassed and basically ran to stand near my bf
>some time later, bf says he feels like his concert going days should be over at this point
>says he wants to make some distance to this friend too

>>33849734 (OP)
based on my bf a bit suddenly saying he wants to take some distance from this friend has had me thinking that maybe he has finally realized, and wanted to resolve the situation without conflict.
i still feel mega guilty but i'm thankful this happened, even if it's not like i could thank my bf for making this decision (even if he did it for some other purpose, essentially it also helped me cut contact to his friend without me having to awkwardly make some excuse why i don't want to be around his friend anymore)
my conscience is still killing me though, idk what i should do. just let time pass i suppose?

>>33849734 (OP)
im trans if that matters though

>>33849817
this anon is not me. nice try though anon.

Your bf is a beta kek

You're going to cheat on your boyfriend with his friend. But even if you don't, it's already too late anyway.
Your bf noticed your obvious attraction to his clearly more desirable friend and since he's clearly too much of a pussy to actually bring it up to you, instead what he'll do is start being more controlling of you and your activities together. That'll eventually evolve into him controlling your individual activities which will eventually grow into resentment for the both of you.
So you may as well ditch him and go after his friend like a good little groupie. Enjoy womanhood, it really seems like so much more fun than being someone like your bf lol

>>33850025
i wouldn't ever cheat and i do pretty much completely already avoid talking to this friend of his. even if it can be a bit awkward when it feels like both of us are having practically different 1 on 1 conversations with my bf. when that doesn't happen i pretty much just have let them talk.

he isn't a particularly controlling guy at all so i doubt that is going to change. i feel like i'm the one who has tried to "control" him more lol. not often at all but because he has female friends and many women in his social circle, while i don't know other men or have any male friends (out of principle bc men always get feelings in my experience and i do feel like it's better to not have male friends as a girl in general).

i feel like this rigidity with men i have in general probably lead me to getting this kind of crush so easily. and inexperience in general. like i feel on edge even making eye contact with any guy except my bf. but still it's not an excuse for getting a crush like this, so i do hope it goes away. i felt hopeless before because people always say that you should cut contact with an unwanted crush, but i wasn't able to do that since the guy isn't my friend but my bf's friend, and i personally don't even know him at all, only through my bf . so now contact has been cut thankfully.

>>33850238
You sound hot. M-Maybe I can be your new crush that you can cheat on your bf with?

>>33850334
bruh i've never cheated and never will, was an adult khhv, and my body count is 1.
this is why i hated getting a crush like this in the first place .

>>33850355
What if I challenge your bf and your secret lover (his friend) to a duel and I win?

>>33850395
how could he be my secret lover when he almost entirely ignores me to talk to my bf. i just stand on the side and sometimes laugh, it would probably look pretty sad if i could see myself in the 3rd person in those situations.

>>33850554
Because he's your boyfriend's friend and he probably senses how smitten you are with him, so he tries not to encourage you. Meanwhile, you're literally subconsciously throwing yourself at him so brazenly that your bf notices. It's impossible that he doesn't notice lol.
To keep your boyfriend's favour and to be a good friend, he tries not to indulge you and your antics. But at night when he goes home alone, he thinks about fucking you and turning that demure, quiet girl into a quivering beast loudly crying out his name.
If you asked him, he'd throw away that friendship in a heartbeat. I can almost guarantee you that. And if you think your bf doesn't notice, he certainly does. He's literally not going to concerts anymore because you made him uncomfortable by being too clearly attracted to his friend lmfao.
Anyway, my advice would be to prepare for a surge of controlling behaviour that is only going to worsen matters. And if you want to avoid all of that nonsense, just come hang out with me.

>>33850583
i mean i've been thinking about this realistically since the start and have known for a while the friend probably finds me attractive based on one indirect but obvious comment he once made. but despite even that i never entertained leaving my bf for even a second, and i've been trying to figure out how i can cut contact for a while now actually (wel that was before my bf made this decision, which admittedly helped me a lot since i didn't have to have a very very shameful and awkward conversation with him, which would've become necessary eventually).

i should've been more clear also. he didn't say we'd stop going to concerts entirely, just concerts associated with this specific genre and scene his friend is also heavily associated with, and he wants to distance himself from it all. and the reasons he gave for that distancing made a lot of sense to me. but his potential other motive (not wanting me to like/keep liking his friend) also shone through in my opinion.

i was thankful to my bf for doing it this way honestly since it lets me save face, even if that might be selfish ngl. feels like he gave me strike one and doesn't want there to be another one.

>>33850654
How long do you reckon it'll take you to start texting his friend behind his back or finding reasons to go to the concerts he hangs around at?

>>33850759
i've been invited to hang out with the two of them many times and it would've never ever been appropriate for him to ever ask for my number, so nope. i'm not friends with or close with any of my bf's friends really. also, neither this friend or me use any form of social media, only my bf uses some.
>or finding reasons to go to the concerts he hangs around at?
well even when i was single and alone i never went to concerts, it's more of a couple thing we do (even if i do listen to the music a lot). and i like to keep it that way! plus you have to get invited to these concerts to get the address, it's never posted publicly and even the poster says to ask a friend for location lol.

>>33850808
lol I havent gone to an ask-a-punk in a while. The way you describe it is a dead giveaway.
Anyway, i'm not too sure what else you're looking for here in terms of advice. Your boyfriend noticed you lusting over his friend and is now trying to put an end to it by keeping you two separated. Problem solved?
Something tells me at the first sign of trouble with your bf, you'll seek out his friend. Barring that, I think this will happen again but with someone else; probably someone who your boyfriend has no control over how often you see them. Then, of course, since he's noticed that you easily fall in love with the first person that shows you kindness and acts like a gentleman, he's likely going to become low-key watchful and jealous (whether he expresses that is another question).
You seem to think you being a khhv who freezes up around men means that you're less likely to be tempted to cheat or otherwise attracted to other men and subconsciously acting on it, but I would argue the opposite is true. You're getting attention and desire, don't act like you don't enjoy it. But when the time comes that you feel these feelings again and its someone who your boyfriend has no connection to, what will you do then? And what would you have done if your boyfriend didn't separate you two? I know the answer to both questions, but I'd like to hear what you have to say.

>>33850920
i admit this was more of a vent thread, thanks for advice though. and Idk i don't have friends and can't talk to anyone about this obviously, i've just been stressing myself out a lot over overthinking this whole thing, how i can make my bf feel better after all this etc. but also feeling guilty and wallowing in depression about this.

oh and it's not punk, i've never been to a punk concert. maybe you could say it's a more obscure genre, it's also usually a complete sausage fest and that's also why i'd never go alone.

and yeah well i guess you're right to some degree, i definitely need to mature more and not get a crush again now that i know what it can lead to. i've been asked out by guys my bf doesn't know at work/uni, but i always instantly say no and stop associating with them. but i do admit every time something like that has happened, i was never attracted to them.
not that some of them weren't conventionally attractive, i just have extremely specific things i find attractive in a combination together and nothing else can make me attracted to someone. it's a once in 6 months kind of thing to even see just a stranger like that.

i do also think that if my bf didn't do this "separation" it would've just continued like always. despite the one indirect compliment the friend has made towards me during all this time, he does keep a respectful distance from me always and seems like he's definitely a bros before hoes kind of guy who wants to be respectful to his friend (and probably doesn't want to cause to anyone what happened to him, his last gf who was his fiancee actually left him for another guy 5 years ago and seems like he might not have dated since).

i just hope i get over at least this crush. sometimes i just suddenly remember stuff like him saying something like wow you're the only woman who has said yes when i agreed to try some tobacco/nicotine thing he offered to the group (i forget its english name) for example.

>>33851064
Can I have your number? I'm probably your type, plus you're the only woman who's ever agreed to speak to me. Plus I like white nationalist black metal like you do

>>33851205
it's possible, but no. and you did guess correct lol it's metal. but is this the same anon all throughout the thread, i'm getting a bit confused now.

>>33851220
Yeah I'm the same anon that was interacting with you earlier, just hornier

>>33851405
oh.. well gn anon, it was an interesting convo despite the 10x cheater allegations, even if i probably deserved it for posting so openly about this stuff and my thoughts ngl.

>>33851457
Good luck femanon, if you're being honest with me and yourself, then you have nothing else to worry about really. Just keep loving your boyfriend, recognize you're easily smitten and try not to let those feelings influence your actions. Finding someone other than your partner attractive isn't a crime and it's pretty normal, just think about why you may be so easily won over.
Goodnight anon, love you

>>33849751
>my conscience is still killing me though
I really hate cheaters, and while your situation wasn't perfect, it didn't read like something you should beat yourself up over. Your bf (possibly) set an appropriate boundary, and you have reasonably accepted it. That's a pretty strong showing from both of you.
My advice to you is to not feel horrible about yourself, and just resolve to be more mindful about how you interact with other men in the future. Not just to keep yourself from going into "clearly wrong" territory, but also to keep more aspects of your relationship exclusive to just you and your bf.

God I hate women.

>>33852039
Never marry and never get attached. Always have 3 options available at all times. Never settle down for a girl. There is way too much evidence that all women do not deserve marriage.

>>33851457
just to throw my two cents in this thread, it seems since you don't have a lot of experience. The first times will be weird and you don't know what to do with your feelings, or what could happen. Honestly, I think what happened to you is normal, it also happened to me when I was younger and had my first romantic relationships. It just happens, it only depends when.

To give a personal experience: I had low self-esteem and struggled to feel loved (not equal with your problems about not trusting men, but similar in the sense that when you find someone that clicks with you it makes everything "unstable" lol). I got into a friend group, liked this one girl, but didn't work out for plenty of irrelevant reasons.

Just some time later I meet another girl, and she ends up being my girlfriend, something that to this day I can't believe I ever said yes. I actually found I didn't like her, and just because I was confused with my feelings I ended up being with her. I (sadly) cheated with who would be later my next gf,who I actually liked. Obviously terrible mistake from my part and have learned from then.

But after that relationship ended, I then went back to the first girl. At that point I just said enough, I have to get to know myself better, and then took some time off from that world lol.

All that was in a small timeframe (1 year and something), but were my first experiences opening myself to relationships.

I'm not the only one this kinda stuff happened the first times, lots of people I know went through similar things.

Where am I going with this? Relationships (of any kind) are hard. Managing your emotions are hard. You go so many years living normally and then out of nowhere all this things appear in your life at once and expecting to control everything is very difficult, so don't feel guilty. But let this be a lesson for you, maybe so the next time you think you might develop a crush on someone, mentally back off from there. Use this experience for later.