Thread 33855656

I used to be a motivated, productive, and ambitious person, but ultimately everything I worked for ended up being a complete and utter failure. Worse, I found that the bigger the effort I put in, the bigger the resulting failure was, and the bigger my disappointment in both the outcome and myself.

I know I'll never be able to make peace with myself until I accomplish at least one of them, and the only way to do that is to put in the work. However, it feels like the lizardy part of brain is determined to sabotage me to prevent me from getting hurt again. As a result, whenever I try to approach one of these goals it hits me with these sustained bursts of crippling anxiety, hopeless, frustration, or exhaustion that leave me basically catatonic

I've tried not being a lazy whiny bitch. I've tried exercizing, fixing my sleep schedule, multiple forms of therapy, dozens of different medications, taking a drink or smoking a blunt to calm my nerves, and of course taking extended breaks and hoping I'd recharge. None of it worked. I'm not sure what else is left besides giving up deep throating a handgun.

>inb4 find jesus
your god deserves to be raped

>>33855656 (OP)
>I used to be a motivated, productive, and ambitious person, but ultimately everything I worked for ended up being a complete and utter failure. Worse, I found that the bigger the effort I put in, the bigger the resulting failure was, and the bigger my disappointment in both the outcome and myself.
stop being perfectionist. scale back ambition and effort until you succeed at something again. even down syndrome guys working at the movie theater figured out 1 or 2 things they can have real expertise at

>As a result, whenever I try to approach one of these goals it hits me with these sustained bursts of crippling anxiety, hopeless, frustration, or exhaustion that leave me basically catatonic
so just do the first version. iterate. insisting on flawless execution the first time is excluding the whole middle range of probabilities between perfect success and utter failure. you might be pretty good at something, most of the way there, or need years of mastery more

>I've tried not being a lazy whiny bitch. I've tried exercizing, fixing my sleep schedule, multiple forms of therapy, dozens of different medications, taking a drink or smoking a blunt to calm my nerves, and of course taking extended breaks and hoping I'd recharge. None of it worked. I'm not sure what else is left besides giving up deep throating a handgun.
it's not a thing that any of those things would help. it's thinking of something as black and white that isn't. there's no amount of liquor that changes an idea you're thinking about wrong

>>33855656 (OP)
realize that pain is inevitable

I actually have a similar problem where I keep self-sabotaging my life. I think the key is to try and know that pain is inevitable but keep trying. And know that it's all for the greater good.