Thread 33882165

Hi, this is my first time using this site so I’m not really sure how it works but this is basically just my rant. i'm 19, bi, and a virgin. some people tell me I’m pretty (but i don’t really see it) but it just feels like that’s all anyone notices about me. I'd say i look pretty alternative, which might contribute to it idrk. back in high school, a guy pretended to be my friend but only wanted sex. when i ignored him he started stalking me and even contacted my family until he eventually moved away. at university, I met a cool girl who became my friend, and we planned to go clubbing together and i was staying at her house. her boyfriend’s cousin had just moved in, and since he played a game i liked, we started talking and added each other on discord. i was so happy because i thought I’d finally found someone to play games with but the next day when we called he began making sexual comments about me, saying he only talked to me because i was hot and kept begging me for sex. i told him i’m only interested in intimacy with someone im in a committed relationship with, but he wouldn’t stop asking me to reconsider and telling me how good he's make me feel. how do i make it stop i’m so tired of being wanted only for how i look. i want someone to love me like really love me for who i am and not just the way i'm perceived by other people. I want to find someone with the same interests as me and actually likes me and not just the way i look. is that such an horrible thing to want?? i want to be loved so badly, is there truly someone out there for me? or am i destined to forever be alone. i want a friend not just a sex partner. i want someone to grow with and laugh with but it seems i can never find someone like this. i'm trying but im growing tired. sorry for ranting i just really wanted to get this off my chest.

Idk mate, I'm ugly. Maybe just wear baggy clothes and avoid make-up like the plague

>>33882165 (OP)
Literally just go on a dating app and say in the bio you've never been in a relationship and only want something serious. Only match with guys who are average looking or below. Maybe in their early 30s.

>>33882165 (OP)
don't we all want that

>>33882538
Not exactly true. Younger men, physically attractive men and confident men (that is, the only men OP would look at) want to sleep around a lot in their youth before they eventually settle down.

>>33882531
I'm really hesitant to go on dating apps cause i've only heard horror stories of them going badly from my friends. I also think 30 is a bit too old for me, the longest age gap i'd do would probably be around 5 or maybe 6 years but thats still a stretch. I don't really care about looks to be honest its not one of my top priorities when looking for a partner.

>>33882598
maybe this is my sign to look for someone older than me but im not sure if they like alternative girls. i want someone i can depend and rely on and that i can love whole heartly before i give them my v-card, their looks isn't really one of my top priorities.

>>33882182
I don't want to have to change everything about myself for men, that would defeat the whole purpose :C

sex is part of relationships. sounds like you have a skewed perception of love from romance novels, where you get all the love but not reciprocate with physical intimacy.

>>33882165 (OP)
Are you a girl? (I'm guessing you're a girl).

Did you
>Grow without a father
>Had an overprotective mother
>Had a single mother who complained about her own relationships
>Had a mother in an abusive relationship
>You were raped or groped at some point
>You grew in a brimstone and fire christian household
>Went to a christian school

Because you sound like you expect the world to be a perfect place where nobody gets hurt and everyone knows exactly what to do.

Guys being attracted to women sexually is not wrong. It's biologically expected and lately being marked as shameful by society thanks to feminists. They're fucking teenagers, of course they will give it a fucking shot and ask for sex, what else would a teenager have to talk about, photography or their acting career?

You will have to figure exactly what you want when you say you're bi, because something like that can waste the best years of your life, years of emotional training which you could spend in self-indulgence, no different than what a guy who plays videogames all day or obsesses over a waifu would do. Just because sexual inclinations don't affect anybody else and society affirmative-actions them, it doesn't mean they work towards your goals.

My advice is go to a therapist and work out the reason you see sex as a negative. The normal thing is to use sex as a bonding mechanism, not a reward for being a perfect match, if sex is such a heavy feeling thing to you, it's you who is putting a barrier to intimacy. See it this way, you don't owe those guys sex, but they were vulnerable enough to tell it to you when it's such a shameful thing.

>>33882952
>>33882934
>I'm an alt girl (but a virgin and awkward about sex
>I want a mature guy (but not actually mature like a 30yo)
I'll rant if I'm allowed to. You sound like a female version of an incel right now. I'll tell you the male perspective.

>Be born to parents who rose out of poverty
>mom came from christian household
>dad had an alcoholic dad and babysat 6 brothers
>mom wanted a mature man at 22, dad was 35 and a single father with a career
>parents were loving, never were intimate in front of children, perfect wholesome tv family
>never talked to me about sex or relationships because "no parent tells that"
>became brainwashed in christian school
>believed all the bullshit from cartoons and anime about being awkward being a sign of intimacy and true love
>pined down for 2 girls in HS, never confessed but they knew.
>relationships were forbidden in school anyway and parents didn't let me out on my own because gangs would kill me (and people actually got killed often)
>college, pined for a girl who did show interest but got tired of waiting. Simped for her 5 years, waiting for her to dump a boyfriend she ended up marrying.
>30 years old now, fell in love with a 18yo girl in college (went back), still no social nuance skills and a life of suffering weighing on me pushed her away.

Life is far from perfect. You learn through experience, not from being selective. I'm biased but I think you shouldn't judge guys for superficial things like an "age gap", instead of for not being the person you need them to be. You'd be forgiven for being picky at this age, but you have no idea how heavy the cost of wasted time really is.

>>33882182
Dont worry OP, you just need to find a right person that doesnt only want sex. Sure, sex is important but feelings and care for eachother are the key for a strong and loving reactionship.

You are young, you will meet a lot of people that will only see you as a 'sexual object' but thats not it. Im sure you will also find someone who is similiar to you and will become your friend, you just need time

>>33884064
>its normal for guys to be sexually atraced to girls blah blah
Nobody said its strange, girls want something more than sex and guys arent animals to drool over a girl that they dont know. Its more important to actually like the person you want sexual relationship with

>>33884153
>guys arent animals to drool over a girl that they dont know
yea and prostitutes/onlyfans does not exist in this fantasy world KEK

>>33884153
>>33884138
Guys ARE animals that drool over giels they don't know. Sexual interest IS the starting point of all relationships. A person who doesn't have sexual interest, or says so, has deep set insecurities that hinder intimacy. Intimacy goes beyond sex, but how can they be intimate if they can't even do the most basic thing that is to lust for someone? You don't want these people.

This idea of seeing "sex object" wherever you turn is damaging to society. The reason the term rose in the first place is because a minority of women were actually raped, abused, demeaned, had been offered transactional sex at pressured moments. This doesn't eliminate the biological fact that sexual attraction has been the signal for reproduction in humans for 6 million years.

Women are the ones responsible to assess and filter the men. If you don't give guys a chance to prove themselves just because they're communicating their normal impulse you're failing your role as a woman. A completely different thing is to say, a guy dumps you because you rejected sex, but you know something is wrong if the gripe is "ugh, he wanted sex."

>>33882165 (OP)
Fu, you don't know how hard it is for a cute guy who isn't dominant-looking. I want to be lusted after, not loved. But I'm like a magnet for the 'marry me' boring girl crowd, not the thirsty bitches I actually want.

>>33884205
Don't worry, part of it is going to fix itself by pure aging. Twink death is going to give you a huge boost.
Other than that, unironically hit the gym at least for a bit, widen your shoulders and start doing adventurous stuff. You probably give off a vibe of being safe and boring, which affects you more than your looks.

>>33884167
They wouldnt exist if they wouldnt get money

>>33884205
And btw part of it is where and how you mee twomen. I've met my last gf at a techno club at 11 AM on a saturday while zoinked out of my mind, which already heavily implies that buying a house and rotting in front of the TV inbetween changing diapers isn't really my jam lol

>>33884234
money also doesn't exist in this fantasy world? LOLOL fucking retard

>>33884229
>You probably give off a vibe of being safe and boring, which affects you more than your looks.
I certainly do. But I've already done drugs and partying. I've been in an underground Chinese gambling den and brothel, and did a few other things I'm not proud of. Still, I look like an angel. I definitely should go to the gym.

>>33884322
I also really recommend martial sports like Boxing etc, shapes the body very well. Strenous team sports like Football (not the mutt version) , rowing or Rugby are also good. Find what you enjoy, doesn't have to be the gym.
If you opt for the gym, no need to riod or go on some weird ass bulk cut bullshit, just fill out your frame a bit and get the Test gains from working out. Less bf% also makes your face look more manly intrinsically.

i completely understand anon, from my experience;
i have developed a fear of men beacuse all of them seem to want a girlfriend. like- if you talk to a man and he is single he will, without fail, eventually have this look, these actions, that betray the fact that they're interested in you.

it feels so dehumanising, it's not like they actually want to know you, they don't see you at all. they see the girl before them that they could get to date if they play their cards right. i wish they'd see me as a man, a person.

it makes me sick to my gut when a man claims to love a woman but when you actually ask them ANYTHING about her his mind freezes. like an animal all they seem to search is that warm feeling they get when they see her, it's more of a chemical reaction than actual heart-moved interest.

it reminds me of my past relationship, all my ex wanted to do was cuddle. i wanted to do an activity? he immediately fell asleep, no dates, no gifts, he just came whenever he wanted and immediately wanted to get in bed. once things started getting more "sexual" it seemed like he wanted to actually talk to me less and less, and just get on with it, i remember feeling so sick after seeing him. when we broke it off he said he would always be there for me and that we'll still be friends, and i almost felt loved at that moment- the actual bond that i felt was lacking between us till then, but he blocked me everywhere once he realised i genuinely didn't want to get back with him anymore, and just wanted his presence.

now, only ever talk to men who are dating my friends anymore beacuse i know that they're not in the friendship for more. they just enjoy talking to me and it's so heartwarming to actually see their appreciation, and see them love their girl, and to tell myself that i one day could have that too. men who say that seeing women in life sexually before romantic is normal are deluded degenerates and i'd rather die alone than date someone like that. sorry for the rant

>>33884339
>sports like Boxing
Actually, I always wanted to do it. I've always liked fighting and never felt any remorse. I never lost, either, not counting times when they had a numbers or age advantage. But everyone always dissuaded me from it, saying it would be a waste of my pretty face and high intelligence (I had a 4.0 GPA).

>>33884376
>when a man claims to love a woman but when you actually ask them ANYTHING about her his mind freezes

Yeah, becvause what kind of a dumb question is that? Its a feeling. I love awoman because she gives me that feeling. There may be things I admire about her, stuff she does or the way she does them, but ultimately love is not a rational checklist I coudl rattle off when someone puts me on the spot like that. Like what do you even expect as a response, something like "Her teats give much milk"?

>seeing women in life sexually before romantic is normal are deluded degenerates

Funny enough, when you actualyl do that most women will just casually hit you with the friendzone and taht is that.
Your ex was simply a needs faggot who didn't really like you and was just in it because he believes that dick in pussy is valuable enough to pretend loving a woman.Thats on him, and on you for being desperate enough to take part.
Playing the femcel won't help you.

rant anon here about the advice on how to get away from such mindsets? I usually feel more comfortable talking to men autistically passionate about something, who in high school weren't all relationship drama or whatever and instead devoted themselves to something higher like a hobby. so maybe i'd go to local clubs or ask friends if they know someone? they say that you surround yourself with the men you think you deserve beacuse of past experiences, subconciously

i've tried to be extremely obsessive about fictional crushes, or to be very masculine to set off the "maybe she likes me" mindset but it doesn't work at all, they just start being weirdly competitive with the character. it's like i have to keep some of my joy and whimsy out of conversation beacuse if i'm genuinely interested or just happy in conversation it always turns to romantic interest and/or bullying on my energetic mannerisms and odd ways of thinking

Women are just so much more.. pleasant to be around. i'd have a crush on all of my female friends if i was gay, they're all such loving and kind individuals, despite their mistakes, and problematic behavior. when i'm with them i feel safe and listened to, men so often have an underlying violence due to being taught emotions are gay and bad

>>33884435
Mmh, i suppose love is a feeling innately, you're not wrong. But to love is also to see and know your partner, in my opinion. I meant "ask something about her" as in if he doesn't know what drives you in life, the way you like your food, passions and the way your mind processes things- all things "feminine" friends easily know just by living life with you, to me that's more important than the feeling.

And true, in the end he got what he wanted. He also loved in a way but in a way so emotionally stunted that the lack of actual connection would have killed me someday. It's my fault for not seeing it sooner and i take full responsability

>>33884472
>the way you like your food, passions and the way your mind processes things-

Yeah men don't really perceive or think about that stuff in general. Couldn't tell you any of that about my mom or sisters either because to the male brain it is simply unimportant. Doesn't mean we don't love. But if you expect men to be the exact same as women, you will be inevitably disappointed.

>>33884484
True, i'm sure there are women that see it your way too, and i know that there's men that see it like i do. all in all, we just have to be careful that your definition of love is compatible with the other regardless of gender and everyone will be happy, if you try to mold someone's way to love into yours it's ultimate proof that you don't actually see them at all.

>>33884241
Dumbass prostitues wouldnt exist if men didn't gave them money. 'Retard'

>>33884519
I like prostitutes but hate OF. All these OF girls should be in brothels, sucking dick and taking it in the ass for $20. But instead, they're showing their feet to simps for cash. Disgusting.

>>33884519
>guys arent animals to drool over a girl that they dont know
>guys demand for prostitutes
HAHAHAHA now try to reconcile that if you even have the intellect to do so KEK

>>33884535
I dont know why you are insulting me but idc, women simply are using men for their weaknes, they want money because they know that men are "animals" like you said and will do anything for some pussy or ass

>>33884550
hover over the numbers and read the thread, newfaggot

>>33884564
>i told him i’m only interested in intimacy with someone im in a committed relationship with

>>33884580
>>33883992
learn to read, retard

>>33882165 (OP)
well, it just depends on the guy. you'll meet one who has a crush on you and loves you eventually. there probably already are guys who have crushes on you, that don't show it. most guys never approach or talk to the women they really like.

>>33884182
sorry the guys in your life are like that, but most guys aren't just interested in sex if they actually like the girl.

>>33884737
This

>>33884749
that's right, femcel. Yell all you want, the menopause timebomb still ticks down LOL

>>33882165 (OP)
I didn't even hold my wife's hand until the 3rd date. She wanted to take it slow so I let her make the first moves. She was a virgin when we met and I didn't want to make her feel pressured or obligated to do anything with me.

Seems like a winning strategy because we've been together for 8 years now.

Just be honest about wanting to take your time and build something real the bad ones will weed themselves out with time.

>>33882165 (OP)
>i want to be loved and not lusted after
Don't have sex outside of marriage. That bases your relationship (and his decision to commit) on who you are as a person.

> I'd say i look pretty alternative
This absolutely plays the part. You don't have to and shouldn't act like someone you're not, but your appearance will always affect the kinds of men who will approach you. Doubly so if you're passive and rely on the type of dude who approaches women he barely knows--these men are not only often superficial, but will explicitly be attracted to their idea of an "alt" girl. I.e. one who is easy.

>>33882598
Bullshit.
Men are more promiscuous than women *on average*, but roughly equal proportions of men and women explicitly value monogamy to the point of not having sex outside of marriage.

>>33884064
kys degenerate

>>33882165 (OP)
Love is a sincere commitment that is about the merging of two people into one being. If you aren't ready to get rid of attachments first to make others happy then you won't be able to find someone who does the same.

>>33884843
from what i've heard, that can have the reverse effect as they're in a rush to get married and once they do they realise they're not made for one another, it's not like op was explicitly against intimacy, it sounds like delaying the issue.
presenting alternative also increases risk of being approached by degens, unfortunately. best thing to do is become emotionally girlboss to protect yourself, don't let bad people change your self-expression

>>33884907
Waiting until marriage is a tool. Like any tool, it can be misused, but that doesn't make it ineffective. Rushing marriage for the sake of having sex is obviously not the intended use.

>>33883992
i dont mind the sex part, the thing is i want a relationship too and not wanted for sexual purposes.

>>33884064
yes i am a girl, I don't see sex as a negative. But im a virgin and want to make a good decision of who i want to give it away to. those guys i mention didnt want a relationship further than souly having sex with me, and i only knew the second one for a single day.

>>33885270
Then wait until marriage.

>>33885270
Fair enough, that's a remarkable decision actually. To achieve what you want you will have to look for guys in churches, do the first step and talk to the soft spoken loner in uni, go to bars and talk with the old 35yo looking uncs. You reduce your dating pool a lot by holding your virginity, not saying that it wouldn't be worth it but you will have to be patient, do searching of your own and you have to know how to tell if the relationship you're betting on is abusive anyway.

>>33886771
>go after guys twice your age at bars to NOT be lusted after
Are you retarded?