Anonymous
6/30/2025, 7:05:29 PM No.936463719
I identify as a chronofluctuating pan-dimensional meta-gender with recursive conditional clauses, also known as G∴[Ω/∆]-3α8/Non-Local Fluid Typology. My gender is regulated through a 32-point alignment matrix that is updated hourly via a self-learning algorithm tethered to my biometric emotional resonance and stock market volatility. I operate on a Schrödinger gender field, meaning I simultaneously identify and dis-identify with all known and unknown genders until observed—at which point you must check the corresponding entry on my live-updated spreadsheet and ask my pronouns using a voice that matches the pitch of C#5 or higher.
Misgendering me activates a Kafkaesque appeals process, during which I will email you a 46-page PDF explaining the metaphysical implications of your assumption, including a glossary of terms you didn’t ask for and a quiz at the end (no less than 80% to proceed). Acceptable honorifics include: Mx. Entanglement, Sir-Not-Sir, and Your Theyness. Unacceptable terms include anything that rhymes with “man,” “woman,” or “dude,” as well as “you,” unless spelled in reverse and sung.
While I understand your desire to refer to me as “they,” please note that I use “thou/thy/thine” during waxing moons, “fae/faer” during solar flares, and a proprietary set of vibrational hums when Mercury is in retrograde. I also accept emoji pronouns—but only if they're in Unicode 14.0 and used in compliance with the latest W3C accessibility standards.
Failure to comply with these expectations will result in me retreating into my symbolic gender cocoon and sending passive-aggressive telepathic energy until further notice. In the mean time if no one is going to say any gay shit, I will go back to fingering my zeta hole.
Misgendering me activates a Kafkaesque appeals process, during which I will email you a 46-page PDF explaining the metaphysical implications of your assumption, including a glossary of terms you didn’t ask for and a quiz at the end (no less than 80% to proceed). Acceptable honorifics include: Mx. Entanglement, Sir-Not-Sir, and Your Theyness. Unacceptable terms include anything that rhymes with “man,” “woman,” or “dude,” as well as “you,” unless spelled in reverse and sung.
While I understand your desire to refer to me as “they,” please note that I use “thou/thy/thine” during waxing moons, “fae/faer” during solar flares, and a proprietary set of vibrational hums when Mercury is in retrograde. I also accept emoji pronouns—but only if they're in Unicode 14.0 and used in compliance with the latest W3C accessibility standards.
Failure to comply with these expectations will result in me retreating into my symbolic gender cocoon and sending passive-aggressive telepathic energy until further notice. In the mean time if no one is going to say any gay shit, I will go back to fingering my zeta hole.
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