The truth is that Kris is super constipated and has IBS, so that's why they spend so long in the bathroom.
That also explains the knife they always carry around; it's a poop knife.
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Poop knife right to the soul
Kris = Risk
Risk of pooping
Really is Assgore's own even if adopted.
Dess is lost in the sewers after his burgertrucken ran her over and Kris and Assgore ate roadkill. All that while Sans is fucking his mom and Assgore is getting pegged by the mayor. Think the mayor uses ice magic to give Assgore a tramp stamp like cattle are branded?
