just annihilated my own asshole with a wooden mop handle covered in splinters now have multiple wooden splinters inside of my asshole and struggling bad to get all of the sharp wooden pieces out of my anal cavity and get them out of my bowel intestinal tract
Wtf do I do

>>936860326 (OP)
go to an ER

XD

I am sure this is pretty routine for them

also buy a dildo they are like 10 bucks on ebay

>>936860326 (OP)

1: Go to an ER.
2: Realize you should've never put anything not meant to go in your ass... in your ass. Next time, buy a sex toy.

>>936860415
Can’t drive car right now asshole hurts to sit. Panicking

>>936860432
Go to the ER anyway you stupid faggot lol the ER staff are gonna have a good laugh at this one.

>>936860504
don’t know what to do

>>936860432
I think you need to call an abulance

c:

they can lie you die while they drive you

sorry anon

>>936860326 (OP)
>Wtf do I do
I'm sorry, but you're going to have to amputate your ass from the neck down, you're unfortunately too stupid to live.

>>936860326 (OP)
Based. Post log threads on this theme.

>>936861169
>Post log threads on this theme.
That's an odd way of announcing that you are planning to kill yourself anon.

What.

>>936860326 (OP)
Boring idiot. Conformist coward. Indistinguishable from the rest of the plague.

Chat, WHAT DO I DO

>>936861339
How do you distinguish yourself from the unwashed masses, my good man?

My anus is potentially destroyed should I call rescue services?

OP here the 911 operator hung up on me but not before laughing hysterically.

>>936863082
Stop lying, they'd send you an ambulance, get you on it and then hang up on you while laughing their asses off.

>>936860326 (OP)
find some university hospital. find their emergency room. show up in fetish gear. bring the raped mop for evidence.
beg them to pull the splinters out of your ass cave.
make a live stream of it.

>>936863170
Tell that to the puddle of blood I’m laying in

>>936860326 (OP)
And a pretty weak one at that.

>>936865951
pics or bleed to death
fr you moron, call for an ambulance
tell them you're losing a lot of blood through your anus, DO NOT tell the dispatcher what you did. that's for the ER to know.
or call for a taxi or an uber. but do them a favor and wear diapers or stuff a towel down your pants at least.

>>936865951
you've been yammering for almost four hours now.
you can't still be bleeding.
if you are, you're on blood thinners or it's a tiny amount of blood.

>>936867528
*and
and I doubt you are on blood thinners. that shit should have clotted by now.

>>936867475
You're arguing with the logfag.

>>936860326 (OP)
I recommend a desiccate, not sure it will work on the part of the body responsible for so much osmosis, but it works on skin.
The desiccate shrinks the skin, locally, reducing the splinters traction. my go to for splinter in my hand is baking soda and water mix into a cold poultice and liberally applied to the splinter and skin. i continue my day and in about an hour or more depending on my hydration level the backing soda falls off and takes the splinter with it.

>>936860326 (OP)
Die a warrior's death.

>>936860326 (OP)
seppuku

>>936867475
My camera broke. I don’t have an Uber app and all the taxis are busy at the moment.

>>936867662
What is a “logfag?” I’ve been here for weeks and people keep talking about logfags but no one will elaborate. It’s seems like it’s got a lot of folks pretty angry, about what? Unclear.

>>936860326 (OP)
Well you can't say you didn't do this to yourself! Stop being a bib baby now. In time the splinters will develop pustules and the flesh around them will die and release what is left of what now feels like lumber. Everything is going to be okay, Love Mom

>>936870937
steal the neighbor's bicycle.
or just walk.

>>936874123
I’ll giver a try

Brah. Is it the board game of Islam.

>>936860326 (OP)
Try a prolapse

>>936874568
That didn’t go well at all.
I guess I owe my neighbor a new bike?
I calle my great uncle, we’re just here in the waiting area there are about 150 people in front of me. I put on one of moms maxi pads and some duck tape after the bicycle debacle I guess I’ll try and keep you updated

Well triage is done my blood pressure is all wonky so maybe I’ll get a room soon, got a bit of a fever at 103 so not bad.

>>936860326 (OP)
>OP
>being a faggot

checks out