I don't like dogs

>>937453885 (OP)
I had a ex girlfriend who had bad IBS . When we would have sex she would have to plan for it. So Spontaneous sex was never sadly a thing. As she need it to empty her bowels and do what ever she did before we hook up. Well This one night, I came home So enraged horny! As my coworker was walking around in a bra that was super low cut and a pare of booty shorts. She knew i liked her like that and did this to piss me off. Witch it did kind of. Only i stayed true despite her offer to service me on lunch. As i was sporting a hard on you could see from space! Shit hurt all fucking day.
When i finally made it home, I located my ex who was laying in bed. I removed my clothing and i acted like a fucking Animal! I ripped her pants off and her top she was like babe no.. im not ready.. and i just went to town. I was fucking her so hard her juices wee running down my legs as she was that turned on by this. Then as i pulled out and stuck it in her ass it happened.She let her entire bowels out all over me. Shit was everywhere! She said oh m god.. and i said in my own mind fuck it! I kept plowing her,, As i was that horny. She started yelling and so i pushed her head down in the pillow not realizing she got shit everywhere! Including but not limited to the entire bed. And that's when she started puking. Hearing her puke made me start smelling the shit for some reason. as the smell did not bother me before, but now hearing the sounds of vomit hitting the bed plus the smell of shit made me sick and was i was still behind her about to pull out i got sick and puked all over her. Witch made her puke even more and shit was everywhere. all over my hands my body and i could not stop puking. After she and i got up to use the bathroom to wash up. We then had to deal with the bed. We wound up bagging the bedding and throwing it out. the bed then was taken to the dumpster down the street and we slept on the floor that evening. She was super pissed .

>>937453885 (OP)
I chop your shitty cat in pieces and keep it alive to eat it like sashimi

>be me
>be 17
>be decades ago
>weekends out on the lake
>singapore sessions in full effect
>we land in the field
>nobody really knew
>our cabin is nice but still "the pleb" compared to our extended
>just barely considered family by them
>prepare for eternity of hazing
>turns out they are polite
>lazy day swimming
>backstroke
>butterfly
>backstroke
>breast stroke
>go under
>hold breath
>keep holding
>hold
>lungs to burst
>erupt from the water
>gasp for air
>hair slick back
>open eyes
>look at hilltop
>there she stand stalking back and forth
>short hair
>tight leggings
>think that cant be her
>her parents bring her down
>almost forgot about her
>so cute now at 11
>cant believe her chest now!
>comes to swim with me
>socialize and they need to unpack so watch her
>she strips down
>wearing bikini underneath clothes
>top too big and hard shape
>afraid to go under so stands in hip deep water
>huge gap between cup and tiny breast
>diamonds underwater
>try not to stare
>is she unaware or savvy?
>find out later and im shocked by the knowledge

>be me
>be 27
>be 2017
>be huge chris hansen fan
>was bummed when to catch a predator went off the air
>now hansen vs predators is in full swing
>stings are happening again
>pedos are getting caught
>get an idea
>heard about this discord thing
>create an account
>start making the rounds
>soon find a sketchy server
>immediately see obv bait acct
>chat "her" up
>oh youre 13 and love roblox?
>wow youre so mature for your age
>obv a grown ass man thinking hes hooked a sucker
>"she" tells me shes lonely
>oh sure sweety
>boys her age are so immature
>classic decoy language!
>chats go on for a week
>she sends photos
>probably middle school photos of a 30yo producer lol
>we talk about meeting
>"she" says to bring condoms
>painfully obv decoy tactic!
>this is it
>we arrange a time to meet at "her" house
>write a lengthy message to "her"
>first letter of the first word of each sentence adds up to spell:
>i know this is chris hansen im a huge fan
>will use this as my defense when im inevitably tackled by cops
>night of the meeting
>"her" parents are away
>bring my chris hansen glossy to be autographed
>show up to the house
>know the cops are already out there waiting
>soon as i park, get out of car and immediately shout
It's okay! I'm here to meet Chris Hansen!
>chuckle to myself as im sure theyre all confused
>stride confidently to the back door and knock
>sweet decoy voice calls out from inside
Coming!

cont'd

>>937454568
>wait a few seconds and the door opens
>the most vulnerable looking girl ive ever seen stands before me looking nervous
>wow this decoy is very convincing!
>matches the pics they sent
>weird theyd have her greet me like that tho
>shes probably packing a full can of mace
>push past her and barge into the house
Hey Chris! You here? It's okay! I'm not a predator! I'm here for your autograph!
>march into the kitchen
>classic layout, island in the middle where id be asked to take a seat
>eagerly await the emergence of my pedo slayer hero
>the decoy meekly wanders in behind me, a confused look on her face
Who's Chris?
>admire her dedication to the bit
It's okay, you can drop the act. I'm not here to have sex with a minor. You see that I've brought no condoms. All I have is this picture I'd like him to autograph.
>watch her eyes glaze over as her brain bluescreens
>absolute confusion colors this young girls face
>in the light of the kitchen i see her better
>this decoy looks really young
>like actually 13 young
Look, I'm sorry to use your resources like this, but I'm only here to meet Chris Hansen.
>her eyes go wide open
You mean... the online creep catcher guy?
>tears start to gather in her eyes
Am I... in trouble?
>wonder why shes asking me that

cont'd

>>937454595
>still no sign of chris
>start looking around kitchen for hidden cameras
>notice theres not really anywhere for a full camera crew to hide as i can see all adjoining rooms quite well
>slowly turn to her
>tears streaming down her face now
I'm sorry! This was a mistake please don't tell my mom and dad!
>feel like ive been hit by a truck
>pull out a chair and collapse into it
>realize my mouth is hanging open
>close it
Hey, c'mere.
>she slowly walks over to me
>hold out my hand
>explain everything
>tell her im not going to tell her parents
>warn her about how horrible some people really are
>spend several hours talking about her life and school and body image issues
>bizarre and surreal experience
>give her big hug before i leave
>tell her to be way more careful in the future
>chat on discord more
>totally different vibe now ofc
>stay in touch for years
>going to her college graduation next year
>says shes happy with her bf
>tell her im gonna ask my gf to marry me
Turns out what she really needed that night was a big brother. I'm so glad I'm who she chatted with instead of an actual creep.

>>937453885 (OP)
You're a bad person if you don't like dogs!

>>937453939
Copy pasta like this always makes me laugh