>>942392114 (OP)
i tried getting in shape and getting out more
i actually set myself a minimum number of times i had to go to an event or a bar or whatever per week, so i wouldn't just sit at home
people were always in groups of friends already at events, and at bars, i could barely even get the bartender to talk to me, in spite of tipping
i got busy with other stuff and kind of drifted for a while, and couldn't really see a way back in to socializing, so i took up heavy drinking
i had always used booze to deal with my feelings, but those were usually one off binge nights, like i'd get some bad news and down a fifth of vodka just to get unconscious asap
but now i was drinking every night, usually passing out in the living room, though sometimes i'd wake up in the bathroom or something
once in the front yard
after the second time it became clear i was going to die if i kept drinking (slow learner), i got into recovery
it's a community, i guess, but it's all fake
i did all the stuff you're supposed to do, meetings 5x/week, got a sponsor, share at meetings, got a service position, chat with folks before and after the meeting, exchange phone numbers, hell, i'm on the phone list
it took being out sick for two weeks because i didn't want to get my "friends" (i wouldn't have used the quotes before that) sick and having absolutely zero people call or even text to see if i was alive to realize that none of them give a fuck about me
if i never went to another meeting, there'd be a bit of a to-do about filling my service position, but then 3 months later, i bet I'd be forgotten unless someone said something in a meeting that i used to say and someone else said, hey, who was that guy who used to say that? haven't seen him in a long time, can't remember his name
so i'm back at square one
plan now is to slow fade until i can get someone else to take over my service position, then i'll just stop going
nobody will notice or care
