I miss drowning my anxiety with 24 malt beers every weekend.
Im 10 weeks sober
lost a shit load of weight very fast. Gone from mid-200s to low 200s and still losing. This isnt even like pussy-shit anxiety it's like if i dont take meds im just really angry all the time and over think shit to the point of making myself angry or really sad, usually the former.

>>22804179 (OP)
Some context as to why I feel qualified to comment:
15 year alcoholic, maxed out at a handle of vodka per day. Ended up in E.R. with jaundice and fully recovered.
1 year sober after that and now currently relapsing hard.

You won by getting sober. I lost and it's right back into quitting being an impossibility. Just avoid it dude because I'm back in this shit now and it's terrible to think of how I blew my one shot to give it up for good. I made it an entire year and I blew it. I went from 160lb to 184lb in a month and a half.. like what the fuck. It was so quick. My downfall happened so fast. Just don't do this.

>>22804191
ill try but this shit is so agitating and i miss it a lot. i mostly quit because i knew i needed to lose weight

>>22804199
That's my main motivator too.

Good news is on the 12th I'm leaving to Boston and won't be able to drink for 5 days straight because it's with family and they know what happened to me. This will be hell but it will be worth it.

The grass is not greener, man. I'm back in it and I want back out so bad. Just try to remember that. Sober life is shit, I agree, but this is far worse.

I don't get it. I have like one beer maybe 2 and feel full. Where do you hold all that liquid?

>>22804214
You can't understand the alcoholic mind until you live it and it's impossible to explain.

I'll try by saying "I don't get it. I have one breath, maybe 2 and my lungs are full. Where do you hold all that air?"

>>22804214
i mostly piss it out or it gets converted to fat.
What i used to do for literally years is drink one entire 12 pack friday, wake up with a light headache and then go buy another 12 pack on holidays since i work it was just pretty much non stop drinking
maybe a one day break but i knew even then that it has the ability to just spiral.

>>22804203
>the grass is not greener
dont even get me started dude.
The main reason i even miss it is because i'd just get fucking black out drunk shoot the shit with my friends for 30 minutes online who, lets be honest here probably didnt like the fact that they'd set shit up with me only for me to just speed through beers like crazy and shoot off to bed a few minutes later. I miss my friends too. We had a bad falling out unrelated to alcohol. and i remember drinking more than usually for weeks at that point and just crying.

>>22804238
actual neurological induced mental illness and easy to buy happy juice dont mix.
Without anxiety meds id just be a firecracker. It took me like a minute to realize i probably have something wrong in my brain chemistry because i know some peoples anxiety can be resolved through therapy

>>22804224
I see
good luck with your anxiety issues
one guy I met on the internet said he ate like that guy in that movie The Whale and then ran functional marathons, but he also had problems with compulsions, like needing to shave all the time or wash your hands and stuff.

>>22804250
oops wrong anon with that anxiety comment I know

>>22804243
Have you tried NAC yet? That was crucial in my year-long stint.

My "emergency" stash for hard days was amanita muscaria. I live in a state where shrooms have been legalized so this may be hard for you to get depending on where you are.

Muscaria was only for emergencies because it gave me all the depressive effects of a hangover the next day but none of the nausea etc. Super weird substitute but it worked wonders when I was so close to having a drink.

Anyway, best of luck dude. This shit is brutal

ugh dude this shit is agitating
the gas station is right across the street just stroll in and buy a 12 pack boom bam bop problems = washed
but i know if i do im back at square fucking one again man
i wish this shit was easy. I wish i didnt have any mental issues. Do i have more friends? yeah but i cant talk to them like the ones i knew for literally ages. We cant talk about literal random shit like
>oh fuck i better clear my browser history on my phone because i got pornhub popping up on it hurrhurr
fuck

>>22804257
Thanks sadly i dont live in a state where much is legal

>>22804250
yeah i remember as a kid i was told i had ocd but i only lnow the stereotypical symptoms of it.
I have an obsession with cleaning and really fucking hate when i dont have time to clean. Before i picked up a bunch of hobbies id literallt clean every week. and i even say my place is a mess when it's clean simply because i can see minor inconsistencies in it.
Idk