The one time I want to be depressed there is so many other depressed threads. Wtf! this is so unfair. Welp on time my rant.

Riddle me this. Lets say I do get help and they cure me of my self hatred, hatred for others, and anxiety around people. Who am I then? All those traits are what make me me. If they got taken away I would be someone else in my own body. A whole different person. Basically another person would be wearing my skin suit. I don't enjoy that thought.

my rant is over feel free to call me a faggot or whatever.

not gonna call you a fag cause it's an important discussion lol.
if you're getting depressed by seeing depressing shit, do yourself a favor and leave the site. I used to go on twitter a lot but with the amount of arguments I saw I just deleted it and had it gone with. you lose a lot less than you think.

also, you're more than just your hatred. I've never met a person who's only traits are "angry at everyone", they always have something going on. and if you don't, pick one up. it's never gonna hurt to be good at guitar or like programming or some shit. it's not bad to be a different person to how you used to, either. you're not the same and that's fine, you don't have to stay the same. you can be better. you can have drive, you can have goals, you can want to keep going. I get that the misery is comforting sometimes but it's a whole lot nicer to breath out and think that life is actually good.

>>22860079 (OP)
https://youtu.be/fWWAUwQdKiw?si=oJA5f9Oc8c1g-_LV

>>22860101
sorry about the wait I had to go
>if you're getting depressed by seeing depressing shit, do yourself a favor and leave the site.
nah it's not that. Back when I was in high school I had few friends, but soon as we all graduated the glue of a friendships became ineffective and we stopped talking. So I'm alone now. Last year around this date was the last time I actually had friends so when I remember that it makes me turn into a doomer.
> it's never gonna hurt to be good at guitar or like programming or some shit.
I guess I could look into that stuff

>>22860079 (OP)
>All those traits are what make me me
Absolutely bullshit. You are or can be way more than that.

Just don't take SSRI's pls anon.

>>22860470
>You are or can be way more than that.
in theory I suppose. I wouldn't mind being a grunt. Cannon fodder in some war I truthfully believe in.
>Just don't take SSRI's pls anon.
what do they turn you into a troon or something?

>>22860470
this
>>22860460
i had a similar experience
i've tried to reach out but things aren't really the same, it's always awkward & fizzles out quickly
i'm sure i'd feel much worse with regret if i hadn't reached out, but yeah
>I guess I could look into that stuff
it does help to have things you can immerse yourself in & get feedback from
it also helps if your environment isn't depressing/distracting
doesn't really fix the problem or provide motivation, but it gives you more energy and helps avoid constant exhaustion

>>22860491
>i'm sure i'd feel much worse with regret if i hadn't reached out, but yeah
I already predicted they were gonna leave me a while ago. Senior year we were very distant. The only time we talked outside of school besides freshman year was an after school gaming club we would go to sometimes. Besides that we were radio silent till the next day at school. School was the glue of our friendship and the glue was removed when we graduated.
>it does help to have things you can immerse yourself in & get feedback from
I mean it will probably be better than video games. The only good thing about video games it they kill time before I can go back to sleep. I really need to get back into the workforce. I had a job senior year, but quit because the women there made me feel uncomfortable.
>it also helps if your environment isn't depressing/distracting
the idea is to wait till I move out so I can just place my junk around the home instead of keeping it all in one room I have had since the day I was born. I might be a hoarder lol

>>22860520
>the idea is to wait till I move out so I can just place my junk around the home instead of keeping it all in one room I have had since the day I was born. I might be a hoarder lol
yeah, this is how you end up time travelling to age 30 without doing anything
your room should enable you to exercise or play guitar or work or whatever, ON A WHIM
if you would need to clean for like 10 hours in order to play guitar, you're never going to feel like doing it
that's what i mean
>I mean it will probably be better than video games. The only good thing about video games it they kill time before I can go back to sleep.
yeah
more time travelling basically

i like the idea of having more rooms for junk
it's probably fine to be a hoarder as long as you have atleast 1 very open, organized space

>>22860531
>your room should enable you to exercise or play guitar or work or whatever, ON A WHIM
my room isn't super big. My guess-imation is 15% of the room is taken up by the bed and 45% of it is taken up by chair and cabinets. The space that does exist after that is awkward.
>If you would need to clean for like 10 hours in order to play guitar
I mean for guitar don't you just have to hook up an amp? That doesn't sound like it would take up a lot of space. Though the problem with guitars is American homes have no noise cancelation and you can hear people talking 5 rooms away.
>more time travelling basically
true
>>22860540
I feel like I would keep a living room pretty clean. Realistically my dream living room is a couch a coffee table and T.V. See I connect a laptop or pc if laptop doesn't work to the T.V and play stuff off youtube and other free online sites. I skip a cable bill, and to clean Up I just move the coffee table against a wall or something and I have all the space between the couch and T,V,

>>22860557
>American homes have no noise cancelation and you can hear people talking 5 rooms away.
fuck i hate that shit
i figured it was the same in other countries though
>I mean for guitar don't you just have to hook up an amp?
yeah but you need a place to sit (arm rests get in the way), a place to put the amp, a place to set the guitar, space for the cable so that it doesn't get tangled/caught on things, a place for a tuner/picks/accessories, etc
just the fewer distractions the better is all
it reduces friction
>>22860557
>my room isn't super big. My guess-imation is 15% of the room is taken up by the bed and 45% of it is taken up by chair and cabinets. The space that does exist after that is awkward.
you might want to experiment with the furniture layout, it can make a huge difference in a small space
i've redesigned my room setup like 5 times and it got better each time
you could think of it like setting up a videogame base, with all the crafting stations and shit
that's sort of what i did

>>22860557
>I feel like I would keep a living room pretty clean. Realistically my dream living room is a couch a coffee table and T.V. See I connect a laptop or pc if laptop doesn't work to the T.V and play stuff off youtube and other free online sites. I skip a cable bill, and to clean Up I just move the coffee table against a wall or something and I have all the space between the couch and T,V,
that does sound comfy..
you could study or hang out with people in there, too

>>22860572
>i figured it was the same in other countries though
Well according to some europoor propaganda their walls are made out of stone which probably at least dampens the sound a good deal.
>yeah but you need a place to sit (arm rests get in the way), a place to put the amp, a place to set the guitar, space for the cable so that it doesn't get tangled/caught on things, a place for a tuner/picks/accessories, etc
just the fewer distractions the better is all
*insert penguins of Madagascar "noted" meme from like 2 years ago* Holy shit the "noted" meme was 4 years ago
>you might want to experiment with the furniture layout, it can make a huge difference in a small space
the main problem is windows and doors. Also some of the stuff is heavy to move on top of that.
>>22860578
>you could study
I would rather make like an office space in one of the rooms assuming I have space anyways. 2 Bedrooms 1 bath would be good. 1 room for my room and 1 room for my junk and study.
>or hang out with people in there, too
idk if I would want people in my house. Like when I live by myself I want to hide guns in each room so if a robber breaks in there is a gun I can get to fast and they won't know where they are. Having people inside could jeopardize my hidden gun spots.

>>22860079 (OP)
Self hatred, hatred towards others, and anxiety in groups should not be defended as traits you consider 'you'. Your likes, dislikes, and actions are better considerations. I recommend trying it all out; whatever path you have heard about. If you're more likeable, you might not feel as anxious.

>>22860615
If I was given a notebook to write all my dislikes I would probably run out of paper before I run out of things I dislike. I'm not a very positive person.

>>22860596
>the main problem is windows and doors. Also some of the stuff is heavy to move on top of that.
i feel you
this room has FIVE fucking doors including the closet, crazy victorian house layout
>I would rather make like an office space in one of the rooms assuming I have space anyways. 2 Bedrooms 1 bath would be good. 1 room for my room and 1 room for my junk and study.
i see, i like your aspirations
>>22860596
>idk if I would want people in my house. Like when I live by myself I want to hide guns in each room so if a robber breaks in there is a gun I can get to fast and they won't know where they are. Having people inside could jeopardize my hidden gun spots.
it's good to be able to have people over, you can give them food or weed or cigarettes or whatever & build reputation
may not be necessary, idk
i'm sure you could think of hiding spots which no one will find, or with some mechanism to stop them from seeing/accessing the gun
a gun in each room might be expensive, but i can appreciate the idea

not my house btw, i just like the image

>>22860631
>this room has FIVE fucking doors including the closet, crazy victorian house layout
that must fucking suck for planning lol
>it's good to be able to have people over, you can give them food or weed or cigarettes or whatever & build reputation
may not be necessary, idk
I don't really like people. I can't understand them. That is especially true with women. I might have some form of development disorder I was in sped classes when I was young.
>i'm sure you could think of hiding spots which no one will find, or with some mechanism to stop them from seeing/accessing the gun
Probably I suppose. Due keep in mind though you have to balance concealment and access.
>a gun in each room might be expensive, but i can appreciate the idea
well they don't have to be expensive or really that good. Online cheap 22lr. revolvers are less than 200 a pop and my dream house has at most 7 rooms. So 1400 at max. I think the biggest issue would be if there is like a holding period or something. Also keep in mind the idea of the guns isn't to kill the attackers it's just to provide covering fire so I can escape to my bedroom and gain access to larger firepower like a shotgun or something. (I haven't even touched a gun in my life despite being American so I might go to an instructor or something in the future so I learn the basics besides pull trigger and the bad guy dies).

The shrink is out
>>22860079 (OP)
And how dos
That make you feel

>>22861784
idk that was yesterday. Today is today I have a whole different mind set and view of the world. I feel good today.