Thread 23432848

my entire life is ruined and wasted and failed. everything has gone wrong and i regret everything. im starting to think seriously about suicide

>>23432848 (OP)
>im starting to think seriously about suicide

>>23432863
its hard. im spiraling. my weak moments are becomign dangerous. i havent eaten in days, i dont leave bed for hours after waking up. i just want to rot. i could easily quickly and painlessly kill myself at any time. i just dont want my mom to outlive me

Bitch bitch bitch. Nigga I was publically humiliated and hacked and cucked! Be meaner if you're white look up blood tribe and goyimtv

>>23432848 (OP)
you will die. no rush. life is only a blink. it will pass. just tough it out a little longer.

>"Curse thee, Life, I will live with thee no more!
>Thou hast mocked me, starved me, beat my body sore!
>And all for a pledge that was not pledged by me,
>I have kissed thy crust and eaten sparingly
>That I might eat again, and met thy sneers
>With deprecations, and thy blows with tears,—
>Aye, from thy glutted lash, glad, crawled away,
>As if spent passion were a holiday!
>And now I go. Nor threat, nor easy vow
>Of tardy kindness can avail thee now
>With me, whence fear and faith alike are flown;
>Lonely I came, and I depart alone,
>And know not where nor unto whom I go;
>But that thou canst not follow me I know."

>Thus I to Life, and ceased; but through my brain
>My thought ran still, until I spake again:

>"Ah, but I go not as I came,—no trace
>Is mine to bear away of that old grace
>I brought! I have been heated in thy fires,
>Bent by thy hands, fashioned to thy desires,
>Thy mark is on me! I am not the same
>Nor ever more shall be, as when I came.
>Ashes am I of all that once I seemed.
>In me all's sunk that leapt, and all that dreamed
>Is wakeful for alarm,—oh, shame to thee,
>For the ill change that thou hast wrought in me,
>Who laugh no more nor lift my throat to sing
>Ah, Life, I would have been a pleasant thing
>To have about the house when I was grown
>If thou hadst left my little joys alone!
>I asked of thee no favor save this one:
>That thou wouldst leave me playing in the sun!
>And this thou didst deny, calling my name
>Insistently, until I rose and came.
>I saw the sun no more.—It were not well
>So long on these unpleasant thoughts to dwell,
>Need I arise to-morrow and renew
>Again my hated tasks, but I am through
>With all things save my thoughts and this one night,
>So that in truth I seem already quite
>Free,and remote from thee,—I feel no haste
>And no reluctance to depart; I taste
>Merely, with thoughtful mien, an unknown draught,
>That in a little while I shall have quaffed."

>>23432848 (OP)
see you tomorrow

>Thus I to Life, and ceased, and slightly smiled,
>Looking at nothing; and my thin dreams filed
>Before me one by one till once again
>I set new words unto an old refrain:

>"Treasures thou hast that never have been mine!
>Warm lights in many a secret chamber shine
>Of thy gaunt house, and gusts of song have blown
>Like blossoms out to me that sat alone!
>And I have waited well for thee to show
>If any share were mine,—and now I go
>Nothing I leave, and if I naught attain
>I shall but come into mine own again!"

>Thus I to Life, and ceased, and spake no more,
>But turning, straightway, sought a certain door
>In the rear wall. Heavy it was, and low
>And dark,—a way by which none e'er would go
>That other exit had, and never knock
>Was heard thereat,—bearing a curious lock
>Some chance had shown me fashioned faultily,
>Whereof Life held content the useless key,
>And great coarse hinges, thick and rough with rust,
>Whose sudden voice across a silence must,
>I knew, be harsh and horrible to hear,—
>A strange door, ugly like a dwarf.—So near
>I came I felt upon my feet the chill
>Of acid wind creeping across the sill.
>So stood longtime, till over me at last
>Came weariness, and all things other passed
>To make it room; the still night drifted deep
>Like snow about me, and I longed for sleep.

>But, suddenly, marking the morning hour,
>Bayed the deep-throated bell within the tower!
>Startled, I raised my head,—and with a shout
>Laid hold upon the latch,—and was without.

>Ah, long-forgotten, well-remembered road,
>Leading me back unto my old abode,
>My father's house! There in the night I came,
>And found them feasting, and all things the same
>As they had been before. A splendour hung
>Upon the walls, and such sweet songs were sung

>As, echoing out of very long ago,
>Had called me from the house of Life, I know.
>So fair their raiment shone I looked in shame
>On the unlovely garb in which I came;
>Then straightway at my hesitancy mocked:
>"It is my father's house!" I said and knocked;
>And the door opened. To the shining crowd
>Tattered and dark I entered, like a cloud,
>Seeing no face but his; to him I crept,
>And "Father!" I cried, and clasped his knees, and wept.

>Ah, days of joy that followed! All alone
>I wandered through the house. My own, my own,
>My own to touch, my own to taste and smell,
>All I had lacked so long and loved so well!
>None shook me out of sleep, nor hushed my song,
>Nor called me in from the sunlight all day long.
>I know not when the wonder came to me
>Of what my father's business might be,
>And whither fared and on what errands bent
>The tall and gracious messengers he sent.
>Yet one day with no song from dawn till night
>Wondering, I sat, and watched them out of sight.
>And the next day I called; and on the third
>Asked them if I might go,—but no one heard.
>Then, sick with longing, I arose at last
>And went unto my father,—in that vast
>Chamber wherein he for so many years
>Has sat, surrounded by his charts and spheres.

>"Father," I said, "Father, I cannot play
>The harp that thou didst give me, and all day
>I sit in idleness, while to and fro
>About me thy serene, grave servants go;
>And I am weary of my lonely ease.
>Better a perilous journey overseas
>Away from thee, than this, the life I lead,
>To sit all day in the sunshine like a weed
>That grows to naught,—I love thee more than they
>Who serve thee most; yet serve thee in no way.
>Father, I beg of thee a little task
>To dignify my days,—'tis all I ask
>Forever, but forever, this denied,
>I perish."
>"Child," my father's voice replied,
>"All things thy fancy hath desired of me
>Thou hast received. I have prepared for thee
>Within my house a spacious chamber, where
>Are delicate things to handle and to wear,
>And all these things are thine. Dost thou love song?
>My minstrels shall attend thee all day long.
>Or sigh for flowers? My fairest gardens stand
>Open as fields to thee on every hand.
>And all thy days this word shall hold the same:
>No pleasure shalt thou lack that thou shalt name.
>But as for tasks—" he smiled, and shook his head;
>"Thou hadst thy task, and laidst it by," he said.
Edna St. Vincent Millay, "The Suicide".

>>23433203
as much as i want to die, im not going to kill myself while my mom is alive to bear it. when shes gone, i will be too

also thanks for the poem juestuew i like it

>my life is le ruined
it ain't over until it's over.

>>23433425
its taking forever

>>23432848 (OP)
remember suicide only hurts yourself

>>23433520
no it would hurt my mom so ill wait until she passes

>>23432848 (OP)
dude just go do something that makes you happy, study something you like, get a different job, move to a better country, idk

>>23433606
what country would be an upgrade to the US?

>>23433611
its not about getting "upgrade". You shouldnt live in the us just because its the "best" country.

>>23433620
but you said move to a better country

>>23433611
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTjMqda19wk

>>23433634
yeah, i do think europe/japan is better actually (you guys dont even have fucking trains, kek) but what i meant is that you shouldnt live in america for the shake of living in what people consider the best.
Italy, Germany are far better imo

Hey anons, really sucks you guys are going through this... but if any of you guys are really going to kys I could use some more steam games.

>>23433707
alright whats your steam id
we can be friends for now and whenever i do it ill just give you my passwords and shit

>>23433646
idk i wouldnt belong anywhere else. i wouldnt like it

>>23434000
76561198880390400
trips of frendship anon.

you type like you're at the oldest early 20s. let yourself try to do things first.

>>23433646
>italy and germany are far better than america imo
delusional asf lmao america is the GREATEST fucking country on the EARTH unless you are a massive damn FAG so i mean maybe that's why you feel this way son

>>23434157
i added you. im pavel btw in case anyone else added you
>>23434344
yea im 25 now. i actually posted this thread on my birthday>>23434859
true

>>23433611
I wouldn't go to America even if it meant I had to spread my entire life in India

>>23435137
that makes one of you jeets, I have a friend from there that suffers constantly because his fellow jeets are the most insufferable thirdies known to man with their religious slop

>>23435138
That is true, still better than murica
I have a friend in murica who's actively trying to go to Europe, only thing he likes about america is guns and another friend who is surviving from wage to wage. Both are white and born americans

Name one thing good about your cunt

>>23432848 (OP)
Will you at least livestream it?
We can make it into a meme and you will be famous forever.

>>23435137
>>23435141
>>23435142
i dont care
>>23435193
probably not but i might be open to it

>>23434949
I added you back buddy. We should play something some time. You ever play ac6?

>>23436612
no i jusr play tf2 ans stuff
ill be on later

>>23432848 (OP)
he is born to meow

>>23437076

Chill out pal, 25 is a still a long way to go. You can do something with your life. Get out and travel at this age, you'll build perspective. Talk to a professional, there's a lot to see in life if you take the first step

>>23438215
>Chill out pal, 25 is a still a long way to go. You can do something with your life.
He doesn't know

>>23438215
im going to do heroin honestly

>>23438351
If you feel like you have to do hard drugs it'd be better to try and get benzo or something legally from a doctor.

>>23438367
i dont really care about that i know what to do