>need to shit at the office
>enter stall, about to begin
>coworker (let's call him Jim) walks in and enters stall next to me
>recognize his shoes, zero chance he doesn't recognize mine
>both let out a few blasts of farts, but no pooping
>one of us eventually surrenders and leaves, full of poop
>later we have to interact at work like nothing happened, knowing full well what happened in there, one of us literally full of shit

why can't CEOs just give us private restrooms? this shit is a humiliation ritual

>at SF for an onsite
>strange food that's unusual to my gut microbiome
>been holding my farts since meetings all day
>afternoon break.exe
>have to pee
>two urinals right next to eachother with a dude already peeing in one
>nope.jpg
>head to the stalls
>it's 3 side by side with the two at the ends both taken
>kick open the door of the middle
>kick the lid up
>pull down my pants
>piss as hard as i can into the water
>shit out 8 hours worth of farts in a single 10 second blast
>guy in the stall next to me blows out a gasp of air in shock and discomfort
>start to chuckle and have to hold it back to avoid busting out in laughter
>guy who was in the urinal books it without washing his hands
>finish peeing
>flush with my foot
>wash hands and step out
i don't know if you got humiliated that's on you

>>60670790 (OP)
Good shit anon, I can't breathe

>>60670790 (OP)
YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR TERRITORY!!! SHIT IN THE URINAL LIKE A REAL MAN

>>60670790 (OP)
>be me
>work in an office building like a grown man
>need to do poopies
>go to the floor above and decimate their toilet
>leave without saying a word

>>60670790 (OP)
Imagine doing this but half the office is pajeets. It could be worse

>>60670790 (OP)
I have crohn's disease and a fistula that connects my gut to my bladder. It's unpleasant at best, and painful and disruptive at worst. Sometimes it can take me a literal minute or three to relax my gut muscle in such a way to get piss flowing. I often just sit on the can and to go pee these days

At home I have two roommates and one washroom. I make heavy use of a gatorade bottle (wider lip) to piss in my room, and when it's full I slip it into my vest and pretend I'm going pee and empty it.

I won't describe it, but I also have a process for when I need to urgently use the washroom but someone is in it. And I'd say that happens at least once a week now

>>60670790 (OP)
>Be me in highschool work at chain restaurant
>Competitions to see who can drink the most red bull during shift (we steal it from the bar)
>Red Bull wrecks your guts so employees are constantly shitting
>Anytime someone has to shit they run into the kitchen and yell "GROUP POOP!!!"
>Probably spend an entire hour in the restroom each shift just shitting and talking with co workers
>When patrons complain to corporate we just accuse them of lying
>Managers are in on it too
One day some suit comes in and fires like 6 people and 2 managers. Red bulls are no longer stocked at the bar. A bathroom break limit is imposed. Fucking sucked but I was fired like a month later anyway.

>>60670879
real alpha behavior

>>60670790 (OP)
>at work
>have to piss
>enter bathroom
>peeing
>feelsgoodman.exe
>decide now is a nice time to release the fart I've been holding in
>warming in my cheeks
>frantically pull down pants
>hot shit everywhere
>take off all of my clothes and wash my undies in the sink
>put on wet underwear
>leave work for the day
I've literally never had that happen to me before and now I'm terrified to fart

>>60670969
Oh, also, I hold chainlink

>>60670790 (OP)
don't be a pussy, forcing people to know you're shitting is based.

>>60670790 (OP)
my workplace bathrooms are private, no gap.

work for a better company

>>60670790 (OP)
>at work
>taking piss
>ass is really sweaty
>assume some of it must be liquid diarrhea
>go to stall to do a check wipe
>someone else comes in
>cant leave the stall because itd look like I was being weird
>now forced to shit
>30 second piss turns into 5 minute fake shit

>>60671023
been there
some times i literally just want to wipe my ass in a stall but if someones in the bathroom nope i have do tne whole yeah i Totally came in this stall to do a full shit routine. i just want to wipe my ass some times with out it being weird

I always go to a different floor or even a different building to poop.

>>60670986

Based.

How can I profit off of shit escapades?

>>60670790 (OP)
>take my car to the mechanic
>drink beer and vodka last night
>drop off my car
>buy Starbucks coffee
>decide to walk home
>a little over 2 miles walk
>on sidewalk half way home
>stomach starts doing these things
>stop because hope it will stop
>doesn't stop
>fart minute later crap
>put one hand in the pocket and hold tie my underwear around my leg so it doesn't fall out on sidewalk it's a bright day
>walk another mile holding poop in my underwear with hand in pocket
>hold Starbucks coffee in another hand
> semi residential neighborhood moms walking with kids
>some dude says good morning because nice American
>smile say good morning sir raise paper Starbucks cup to cheer
>sip coffee
>if only you knew how shitty things really are
>walk another mile caring poop
>it's still my little secret because nobody ever noticed

I’ve gone to prison and had to shit with an audience many times. Civilians need to learn to flush as they shit

>>60670986
I went to place with doors like that and once you locked it the glass became a solid color

>>60670790 (OP)
in the new creation, the perfect flesh will not poop. We'll have good things like sex and good food and drink. But not poop

>>60670790 (OP)
>>60670879

literally the meme >>60673619

>>60673644
beautiful dream, anon

>>60670790 (OP)

>>60670932
Just gotta do urine therapy