Thread 21593049

What are some stupid things your parents told you at the dinner table?

>eat *this many* of *random food item* and youre free to leave
Force feeding is worse than starving

>>21593049 (OP)
My grandma yelled at me because I picked up pieces of meat or potatoes with a knife to eat them. I've never been able to verify it but according to her apparently the local Nazi collaborators used to eat like that so it's now taboo.

>mom: take a bite like a elephant! Now take one bite like a crocodile! And one bite like a horse!
>dad: now eat the rest as if it was kim kardashians dirty pussy and asshole
>me:

>>21593049 (OP)
You have to eat ALL of your food.
There are people starving in "country".

>>21593406
>procede to eat and ask for seconds and thirds, then say "well thats their problem, not mine!"

>>21593408
>gets slapped in the face of sass.

>>21593049 (OP)
>you can't spread tuna, it's a solid

>>21593058
How would granny know how Nazi collaborators ate?

>>21593410
im not allowed at family gatherings since all i do is make sassy retorts pertinent to the converaation in the form of a movie quote
this one got me kicked out of my nephew's 2nd birthday when he wouldnt blow out his candles

Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams. It made me so angry I nearly fainted.

>>21593413
She used to fuck them and then stab them to death before stealing their valuables and vanishing into the night.

>>21593049 (OP)
Don't eat too much ice cream or your tummy will get cold
No I still don't get it grandma

>>21593423
why would she fuck them if she was just goong to stab them? wouldnt it be easier if she stabbed them first?

Grandma: ice water will make you sick. Drink tea.
>Grandma, it's a bajillion degrees out; it's too hot for tea
"That's exactly why you should drink it! If you drink cold things when it's hot out, you shock your body! You might go into a coma!"
>………

>>21593425
She liked the phallus penetrating her vaginal passage, you frigid little bitch

>>21593049 (OP)
my dumbass brother used scissors to open an otter pop in his mouth and cut his tongue open

I used the wrong hand once and my family still makes fun of me for it to this day

>>21593434
how was i supposed to know

>>21593052
>Fat kid refused to eat his vegetables
>Fat kid screams about how his parents gave him an eating disorder because of it
>Continues his unhealthy relationship with food for his entire life because he now attributes vegetables to being around his parents who wanted him to stop being such a fucking lazy fat piece of shit all the time and eat something besides sugar

>>21593444
fat people dont have souls

>>21593425
She's a woman, she wanted to ensure they were off guard and vulnerable.

>>21593049 (OP)
My dad would stab with a fork any elbows that rested on the table. He made me bleed a few times.

>>21593425
You gonna pass on some free cock like some faggots?

>>21593425
she sucked those cocks and did anal to stop the nazis and is a fucking hero you little shit. now no grabbing things with knives or deepthroating the german sausage when granny is over

>>21593049 (OP)
>Beware the water people.

>>21593049 (OP)
Why don't you run away, nobody wants you here and nobody would miss you

>>21593429
Some people feel a cool down effect drinking hot beverages in the summer, my father used to drink a cup of coffee when he came back inside after being under the sun, the coffee does not cool you down it's entirety mental

>>21593406
>people

>>21593444
>Dad grew up broke, Mom grew up "rich"
>Both fat, neither can cook for shit
>Stay at home mom can't be bothered
>Overworked dad makes me finish my oversized plate, even carbs
>They end up breaking up
>Become responsible for my own diet from age 10
>Stay a fat cunt for another decade
Shocker

>>21593049 (OP)
Why does the mom have a mustache?

>>21593546
it was the style at the time

>>21593546
Danes can't draw for shit

>>21593058
That's a huge flex and probably the most intimidating way to eat meat or potatoes and I'm definitely doing it from now on.

>>21593406
>There are people starving in "country"
>"Well let's ship it over there then."

>>21593425
Don't act like you wouldn't pop your 1940s wartime pussy for Heinrich and Lowenbrau's ubercockens.

>>21593425
Courtesy

>>21593444
Yep, this
And they wonder why I'm still fat, as if they didn't literally traumatize me from vegetables

>>21593049 (OP)
Yeah. Boomer parents wouldn't want you putting knives in your mouth but would have no objection to putting black dick in your mouth

table manners were never impressed on me by my family (instead by others), but i guess ill share my mothers spaghetti recipe to give a sense of the home i grew up in.

>1) boil the living fuck out of a box of whole wheat spaghetti until it turnes into glue. if it doesnt stick to teflon, it isnt cooked enough.
>2) ball up some ground beef, unseasoned, and burn the fuck out of it on two sides in a pan until the fire alarm goes off.
>3) mix 2 packets of dried spaghetti sauce (picrel) with just aenough water to cover. cook on high heat until the botom is burnt and the texture is like m,asonry mortar.
>4) add the still-unseasoned meatballs to the "sauce" and let it continue to burn. add several slices of american cheese and stir, while whole wheat noodles continue to boil.
>5) once "sauce" is finally amalgamated, plate glue-spaghetti and ladle over "sauce" and "meatballs" until satisfied, serve.

i havent eaten anything my mother has cooked in 20 years because of this, and she still makes it.

>>21593444
>>21593527
>>21594924
My parents never did that and I still got fat. It's not your parents' fault, you simply like gorging on food to feel good.

>>21593049 (OP)
i see you successfully resisted having good table manners now you can be the trailer park trash you always wanted to be

>>21594974
>My case of X was Y so every instance of X is Y.
Sure thing buddy, here's some crayons to munch on.

>>21595322
You should stop making excuses for why your fat ass stays fat.
You're presumably an adult, and so you have full control over the shit you choose to put in your fat fucking mouth. You're a victim of your own actions, you dumb fucking grease atronach.
Jesus Christ I hate fat people.

>>21593049 (OP)
That tit is crazy, holy

>>21593996
If they ask you which ones specifically it was the Croatian Ustache.

>>21595342
I'm not even fat but by all means, seethe some more.
A fat kid has fat parents, it's inherited to some extent.
Childhood obesity has long term effects.
It's his responsabilty to fix it but let's not pretend it's as easy as staying in shape if you were never like that to begin with.
Bad nature and nurture then left to their own devices in a time and place where it's super easy to eat too many calories.
It shouldn't come as a surprise to you that most people are helpless retards.
If you're not one of those then maybe make a useful comment instead of having bouts of impotent rage after wilingly entering a thread blatantly full of things you hate.
>inb4 something something you're fat
Sure thing buddy, see you next time I have to take a shit.

>>21595608
>I'm not even fat
The fact that your post goes on for 15 more lines tells me all I need to know.

>>21593444
>lazy le bad
Workist mentality is insectoid one.

>>21595608
>A fat kid has fat parents, it's inherited to some extent.
Nah both my parents were fit. They just let me eat whatever I wanted until I got fat.

>>21593049 (OP)
If I ate my food and was still hungry I was told to just drink a glass of water
I probably would be taller if they let me eat more

>>21593049 (OP)
Dont feed the dog. Its technically was mine.

>>21594964
thats not just a meal, thats an event!

My parents forced me to eat excessive amounts of food and then wondered how I ended up being fat.

>>21593406
I used to tell my mom
>"okay, send this liver and onions to africa"

>>21593049 (OP)
Expecting me to eat plain, boomer-boiled, condiment-free broccoli and potatoes, I suppose
>>21593481
Cory J. Beck. We meet at last!

>>21593429
>>21593492
>damn I'm hot
>you should drink hot tea, it helps you cool down
....even as a kid I realized how utterly retarded that was. Honestly THINK for one fucking second.

Want to know the most optimal way to feed your kid and also ensure they eat their vegetables?
Have a large plate for each food item on the table and place a small amount of each plate on their plate.
Then only allow them to get more food from any plate after they finish their plate.

This ensures that they will eat their plate (and their veggies), as the alternative is hunger (which they will complain about for the first few times).
Always ensure you have a bowl of fruit somewhere in the living room, by the way.

>>21593406
AWWWW, GEE WHIZ

They told me to use my left hand for the fork. I didn't fall for it.

>>21593049 (OP)
No fingering my pussy lol.

>>21593444
checked. my dad forced me to eat till i vomited in my bed.

>>21593423
This is why they killed the gypsies and jews

>>21597476
>>21593444
>get forced to eat tons of food
>start lifting weights so I can remain skinny and still eat tons of food

>>21598445
A fat lonely man posted this

>>21598344
My mom just got us to enjoy vegetables, so it was never a problem.
Adding them to pasta sauce is a common technique. Grated onions and chopped spinach just enhance it rather than making it taste vegetal.
You could also try cooking them properly, and not boiling everything to mush like most people used to.

>>21594974
>Everyone is me
Cuck mentality

>>21595627
>Website seethes over jeets everyday for being retarded
>Get tired over three letters
Kekaroo! They really will be a superpower in two years if this keeps up

>>21593058
It's simply bad etiquette but when eating by oneself I don't really see the harm I suppose.
>>21593418
roflmao
>>21593049 (OP)
Don't slurp your extremely hot coffee or tea. Oh ok, I will burn my mouth and throat then you dumb fucking whore. Also being told the right way to eat pasta is roflmao to use a spoon and being told using a fork only is barbaric when this is literally how Italians do it. My Grandfather insisted I pour my soda in to a glass before drinking it. I also got told off for putting cream instead of milk in my coffee.
Being told to eat finger foods with a knife and fork like fucking French fries or even pizza. None of these things bother me this much but it's kind of funny how people still push wrong etiquette rules on their children when we live in the information age and can simply look up the right way to eat x food.
>>21593406
It's always starving negro children in Africa. Why not North Koreans or Indian slum dwellers.

>>21594003
I mean, I would, but I wouldn't stab them afterwards.

>>21593049 (OP)
Luckily, my parents were mostly normal in this aspect. But for some reason, I witnessed several times other parents forbidding their kids to drink during the meal. I never understood this, but in 100% of cases, these parents
>were shit cooks
>were from smaller towns
>were overall shit people, and very jewish in nature

>>21598700
Blaming your parents is cuck mentality. Take responsibility for your own choices, you're a grown man.

>>21598826
>parents forbidding their kids to drink during the meal
What the fuck