Why is no one interested in trying to tell Bible stories into something other than generic kids slop? There's hundreds of iconic art styles that go with it, and nobody is inspired enough to use it?

Animators and cartoonists are obsessed with Greek mythology, they LOOOVEE Dante's Inferno, but won't even give the Old Testament a glance? I know we had Prince of Egypt, but that was 20+ years ago.

>>149013928 (OP)
I remember one kind of hardcore about king David, I remember showing the kid holding Goliath's head, maybe it was Japanese?

>>149013928 (OP)
Because
>Spiritual learning for the family!
is not entertainment.

Also the christian corporate types tend to be the cheapest, corner cutting, backstabbing, low paying assholes ever seen before and refuse to hire anyone to do it for more than minimum wage. They will never get anyone other than the worst of the worst to make their media.

>>149013928 (OP)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pzh4NEkDSw

>>149013928 (OP)
Someone just needs to make a badass animated film about the inquisition

>>149013999
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ysOYG_7TEE

>>149013928 (OP)
Because anything made to teach you, not entertain you is going to be shit 9/10 times. And most christian companies will be super strict on what can be shown on screen and make it so insanely safe and sterile that it cannot ever help but be boring bland shit no one will ever want to watch.

>>149013961
This is also true. Christian company types are possibly the most offensive cheating cheap stingy types that pay the lowest to anyone and maintain that reputation well.

>>149014059
>>149013961
But why does it have to be a Christian company only? Why not just some exec who thinks, "Huh, you know, America has a lot of Christians. I bet if we made a serious animated movie about Noah, really lean into the award crowd, it could do great streaming numbers!". I only pick Noah because it seems a hell of a lot cheaper to tell that story in animation than awful special effects.

Amazon did that with House of David.

I mean shit, I'll take Milton's Paradise Lost at the very least. It doesn't have to just be from the Bible, but biblical, too. Can I get that story with the same team behind Blood of Zeus?

>>149014169
You're underestimating how obsessed American society is with identifying against mid-late 1900s American cultural norms. Though the ruling ideology is very much not Christian, any attempt to tell their myth must either be deeply subversive or infantilized, lest the teeming masses grow enraged and raise their own media organs for a culling.

the greatest game of all time already did

>>149014528
I feel like The Chosen being an entirely crowdfunded, free to watch show with good production quality indicates there is a craving for decent Bible media that isn't just more pic related. I know The Chosen is supposed to be suitable for family viewing, but it's not only entertaining to babies.

I'll give "Light of the World" some credit; at least the art style is good. But it's just another "New Testament but a kid tags along, yaaay!" story.

>>149014652
Not sure why that didn't upload.

Because the people who make animation are usually atheists

>>149013928 (OP)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReOblIbFRKA

and more explainer style there's stuff like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GswSg2ohqmA

>>149013928 (OP)
>The flood
The story is too short. You need to add elements from the book of Enoch to make it cool but people would get mad because it's not "canon"
>Jacob's misadventures
An easy one. I would like to see his fight with god.
>Moses and the priests of the Levi talking about laws and rituals
Too boring
>Joshua genociding people for having different gods
Cool but it's too edgy and "problematic" right now
>Samson killing philistines with his super strength
Sounds based.
>The life of the kings of Israel
The best option for a show
>The fall of Jerusalem and the exile
Too sad and edgy of you include what the book of Lamentations says.
>Daniel
This one would be based if done right.
>Job
Misery porn

>>149013951
This one senpai?

>>149014059
>"…super strict on what can be shown on screen and make it so insanely safe and sterile that it cannot ever help but be boring bland shit no one will ever want to watch."
Who was Queen Elizabeth I?
>>149013961
Speaking from experience or just pulling out of your ass?

>>149016497
I think Job needs a good adaptation the most. It's the most misunderstood chapter and is always the go to for people to go, "See? God's just a petty shithead". As if Job, one of God's most devoted followers, would ever deny the chance to help God win a battle and permanently weaken Satan, even if it meant that there would be pain.

>>149013928 (OP)
There’s one about Judas and Jesus being made right now that looks artistic as shit

If you tell Bible stories faithfully to the text, most of them are too short and either too violent/messed up for kids, or too boring for pretty much everybody.

If you take artistic liberties to flesh out the story or make it more palatable, you risk the wrath of the fundamentalists. A lot of Christians, Jews, and even Muslims took issue with the “deviations” in Prince of Egypt…reaction was mostly positive but it’s a dangerous game to play if you’re courting a religious audience.

>>149016846
>God win a battle and permanently weaken Satan
Satan wasn't God's enemy in that story.

>>149016572
Superbook was one of the earliest ever Anime

>>149016846
>As if Job, one of God's most devoted followers, would ever deny the chance to help God win a battle and permanently weaken Satan, even if it meant that there would be pain.
That's not what Job is about. That's not even what happens

>>149016846
American Christians are never going to escape the Crypto-Manichaeism accusations

>>149013928 (OP)
because christfags dont like fun and are autistic as hell. you interpretit a single word of scripture differently than their local grifte- uh tevangelist and youll get mobbed.

>>149013928 (OP)
Most any adaption of old texts is going to need minor changes in order to be palatable to a wide audience. You try to change any aspect of a Bible story and people will burn your house down. You couldn't make something as inaccurate yet fun as Disney's Hercules without getting crucified yourself. The only exception to this rule was Veggietales.

>>149017652
That's Hanna-Barbera not Superbook

Tezuka's version showed Eve's nipples

>>149016846
>would ever deny the chance
He wasn't given a chance, he was forced. I was raised Christian but I'm not one currently, willful Bible misinterpretations still annoy me a bit, but the story of Job being a positive one has never, ever made sense to me. That's just a really bad argument, it's like taking money from someone without asking and saying "I knew you'd give it to me if I asked so it's fine". Not to get into the fact that it wasn't just Job that suffered, his living, breathing family members were used as easily replaced props to test Job. Whenever I asked religious leaders as a child or teen it was always "God knows better than you so that's why he didn't do anything wrong"

Bump

Biblical myth only has so much to work with. There's no monster-slaying, guy journeying through the after life, or many hero tales about combat.
Hell, there's only so much iconography, Greek myth will give you this dude decapitating a crazy monster chick with snake hair, making sure to fight her by looking at a mirror instead of directly at her, before a fucking winged horse pops out of her blood. He then proceeds to take her head and uses it to slay a monster and the fiance of the woman he wants for himself. Meanwhile the horse flies off and gets tamed by some random nobleman who takes it on his own whacky and wild adventures.
The result of every event in the Bible being the will of a singular god is not even half the crazy shit present in other mythologies happens so you have a lot of iconography missing in other mythologies.

>>149014169
They tried to do a big epic hollywood Noah movie in 2014 remember? It got segments on Fox News about how offensive and sacrilegious it was because it wasn't the same old safe animals two by two cartoon, was called woke and environmentalist, got banned in China and several muslim countries, had to come out with a bunch of disclaimers after christian rights groups complained...it was just a lot of hassle that an original script wouldn't have to deal with, even if it did make money.

>>149018179
Weird. I was just thinking the same thing yesterday. The story of Job always bugged me because like a dozen people die and we're told it's okay because Job himself eventually got new ones. What did that dozen people do though?

>>149019008
>There's no monster-slaying
Samson and the lion I guess

>guy journeying through the after life
Implied with Jesus but it's fleshed out in extrabiblical stuff, Mel Gibson is making The Passion 2 about that

>many hero tales about combat
David and Goliath
Samson and the ass jaw
Maccabees if you count them, Mel Gibson was going to make a Braveheart style epic before the DUI Jew rant

>>149013928 (OP)
The bible is generic kids slop and always was. *tips fedora*

>>149013928 (OP)
Because religious observance has declined a lot over the past century. Even a lot of nominal Christians have a pretty dim understanding of the Bible. Therefore a lot of modern audiences simply aren't that interested in it, except for devout evangelicals who unfortunately are very willing to consume cheap slop so long as you slap the christian label on it

>>149013928 (OP)
>but won't even give the Old Testament a glance?
Old testament is not very good, its a bit boring.

>>149019763
>Old Testament
>boring
It's way better than the new testament.

>>149019763
Most fiction take more from old than new buddy, like Kane and Abel or Noah’s arc to name two.

>>149016497
>Misery porn
The most popular movie about Jesus is him getting tortured for two hours.

>>149013928 (OP)
>There's hundreds of iconic art styles that go with it, and nobody is inspired enough to use it?
Hazbin Hotel one of the biggest cartoons of current year is doing it right now

>>149020264
That's just more Dante's Inferno influences.

>>149013928 (OP)
Leftist animators hate Christianity and I'm sure they'll freak out if there's something about God giving Israel the right to exist.
But also Christians will be picky about calling something heretical for making an adaptational change. The Chosen is a big show for Christians, but if you dig into the more annoying corners of Christian media enjoyers, you can find people nitpicking that the producers or something are Mormon.
All the best Old Testament stories got great live action films in the 40's-60's. Samson and Delilah, Solomon and Sheba, Joseph and His Brethren, The Story of Ruth, Esther and the King, etc.
>>149014652
There was a Young David cartoon miniseries that is apparently getting a film this year. The art style is okay.

>>149013928 (OP)
https://youtu.be/AKr7h935kwU?si=AXNFA-FJUQ_XqI2z

That's what this guy is doing

>>149019068
Baptist groups took decades to come around to the Exorcist.
Hell, you really wanna get into it, Christian Media Groups initially complained about Bibleman and Veggietales.
Veggie Tales, by the creators admission, was made mostly because he felt that Christian media not only largely wasn't entertaining but wasn't trying to be. Things like action, adventure, comedy, horror, and character drama distract from God.
It's also that American Evangelism, whether we admit it or not, still has a shit ton of Calvinist sentiment and one of those is
>Losing faith means you never had it in the first place!
Which makes it impossible for the main protagonist to be anything short of ideal Christians with little internal struggle who are set to evangelize.
Pure Flix fans were mad at Gods Not Dead 3 for portraying the main character's atheist brother as a good person with basic empathy for the Christians in the film without being converted by the end.
It just all makes for boring characters and storytelling

Bump

>>149016572
In the right hands a slingshot can be as deadly as a bullet

>>149018118
Tezuka always put in some hot furry in his stuff huh

>>149013928 (OP)

Because in the English Speaking world Christianity became very closely tied to the 'moral reform' movement in the lates 1800s and early 1900s as something that the increasingly secular lower and upper classes needed to return to so as to return to a cleaner and more wholesome society. As a whole, this movement was against all art that wasn't moralizing smoothed over bs. The Bible became something you'd read to look respectable and 'normal' rather than to find emotional impact or spiritual truth. Then came the Evangelicals and unlike a lot of other groups they're quite willing to put out insane amounts of 'alternative to the mainstream' media so that just muddies the waters with more subpar material.

>>149016846
>I think Job needs a good adaptation the most. It's the most misunderstood chapter and is always the go to for people to go, "See? God's just a petty shithead".
But He is, at least in the Old Testament. Remember the Ten Plagues? He slammed Egypt again and again only to "harden the Pharaoh's heart" just to rub more salt in the wounds. The whole book of Job was about Satan waging a lousy bet with Him claiming that even His most devoted follower will curse His name if made to suffer long enough.

Bump

>>149021618
>Gods Not Dead 3 for portraying the main character's atheist brother as a good person with basic empathy for the Christians
Did this really happen? In the first movie the atheist guy was a retarded asshole that was mad at god and then he died.

>>149013928 (OP)
>Why is no one interested in trying to tell Bible stories into something other than generic kids slop?

Because Christians primarily fund media that they think will be likely to convert people. And the two easiest types of people to convert are:
1. Little kids who won't be critical of what you tell them because they are still forming their frame of reference and so the ideas of your religion will stick with them for the rest of their life.
2. People who have fallen on bad times and will ignore their ability to be critical of your message if you help them.

Since the second group is only going to come along if you actually do something, making the media targeted towards the first group makes more sense. And since you don't have much money to spend relatively speaking it will typically end up as slop.

As for serious movies, sure there are some stories in the bible worthy of being treated seriously. But a lot of the bible is... Uhm...
>Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
>And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
... Uh... Not really worth telling in full...

Why the fuck do I live in a world where movie preservation is being gutted by draconian copyright and the erasure of physical copies, but I can read millenia old smut in every language because it was somehow deemed sacred?

>>149023077
>"Set free all these abused cats and dogs in your house or else."
>Fuck you!
>"Okay, I'm gonna flood your house with a hose until you set them free."
>Good, I don't care!
>"Okay, I'm gonna infest it with bed bugs until you set them free."
>Whatever, bitch.
>"Okay, I'm gonna set your house on fire until you set them free."
>Do it, I don't fucking care.
>"Okay, I'm gonna kill your kid unless you set them free."
>Try it, retard.
>WOOWWWWW, you actually did it? I can't believe how evil you are. This wasn't a negotiation, you forced my hand! You're such a jackass!

At some point, you need to put some onus on Pharaoh.

>>149024433
Corporations and apathetic creators.
I feel you, I am still mad Dragon Ball and Fleischer's Superman don't have good home media releases, and of James Cameron's horrible 4k releases.

>>149013928 (OP)
Nobody believes enough for high effort works.

>>149022645
Reminds me of that kid who used a slingshot to stop his sister's would-be kidnapper.

Why is the Bible stuck in this weird twilight zone where people of faith are incredibly aware of these stories and will portray them in media, but also don't want to be aware of these stories and hate that people bring up Isaac, Job, Saul, etc.?

Bringing up the Canaanites is a surefire way to get people to disown the Old Testament.

>>149013928 (OP)
Off the top of my head, the most famous Bible stories in media are Jesus Christ Superstar, the Passion of the Christ, and the Prince of Egypt (actually /co/, too!). None of these are generic kids slop.

>>149013928 (OP)
>jesus was a Jew
>jews look like pic related or somewhat tanner like a Mediterranean person
>retards make him a shitskin

Also to answer your question it’s because the church and media industry are filled with leftists. And the church teaches a shitty white washed effeminate progressive version of Christianity and that is what gets into all of the shitty Christian media.

Maybe it's because most Christians can agree on the gospel and if they try to go any deeper, either Mormons, GotQuestions, Dan Corner, La vista church of Christ, or some other fake Christian would be like "Um, Ackchyually..."

>>149024987
>A country founded on Christianity
>Only three movies across multiple decades that are worth watching

>>149025378
>country founded on Christianity
LOL

>>149026295
Do you want me to change it to "Christian values" to be more accurate?

>>149025069
>Posts super inbred Hasid to claim that Jews were originally white

The Ultra Orthodox are so fucking inbred that they literally developed NW European Phenotypes independently from the sheer amount of sister fucking they do. Like you can't even make the 'dae Polish' argument because they're whiter than most poles.
Most European Jews look Greek or Italian except the super mixed American ones who are half Anglo. They do tend to make Jesus look Gulf Arab tho but maybe he was just addicted to tanning.

>>149024945
>Bringing up the Canaanites is a surefire way to get people to disown the Old Testament.

Ironically if you actually look at the archeological evidence and the best reconstructions of the texts pre-Priestly Redactor, the conquest of Canaan was probably a brutal peasant revolt instead of an ethnic cleansing. We see this in the fact that only the Canaanites (coastal elites) were targeted and they tried to avoid fighting anyone else. The Monarchic period authors probably wanted to change that once people started getting pissed off at the kings.

>>149026432
Xydvv

>>149024945
>Bringing up the Canaanites is a surefire way to get people to disown the Old Testament.

Bunch of Moloch-worshiping child sacrificers. Genocide was too good for them.

>>149026624
Nigga really grabbed the first image off of Google lmao.

You should understand what separation of Church and State was about before joining in these types of conversations. No, it was not about the abolishment of religion, but that the institutional Church should not have political power like it did in Britain.

most stories of Old Testament not work in a visual medium. Book of Maccabees and 2 Kings always are ignored in adaptations.
In New Testament, we have Acts of the Apostles, enough for a TV/Streaming series

>>149027033
>most stories of Old Testament not work in a visual medium
Why not?

>>149016846
Job got changed even by the Jews. That’s why it feels disjointed.
It starts but doesn’t finish as Wisdom Literature.

>>149026524
The other problem with Joshua is that the list of cities destroyed don’t match the historical records of them being destroyed, mostly by finding the burned layer.
And most vexingly, Jerusalem is called Jerusalem prior to the supposed Judah capture, where it was supposed to be renamed from Jebus.
Of course the kings of the Jebus seem to have Hurrian names yet might have also produced high priests in later centuries.

So much of the region has been rebuilt and reuse, then paved over.

I would like to see adaptations of the lives of Saints. A lot of them had some freaky shit happen to them and many were martyred.

How christian are you guys, anyway?