Rihanna is Smurfette.

>>149314358 (OP)
The best part? If I showed her my dick, she'd act like it was an absolute MAMMOTH of a dick.

>>149314358 (OP)
Why is she so fucking hot bros

>>149314358 (OP)
That has as much energy and excitement as "Bendis is coming"

>>149314358 (OP)
this movie is gonna bomb so hard

>>149314358 (OP)
I'm 40. Who the fuck is Rihanna?

>>149314598
"Bendis is coming" is more of a warning/threat

>>149314371
A 3 incher is still too big for a smurf anon, you’d never be able to consummate it and so you’d still die a virgin. Now me and my micropenis…

>>149314358 (OP)
THIS SUMMER

>>149314654
Anon, I can still rub it on her, she can ride it like a pony, we can have all sorts of fun!
You may be able to penetrate her, but me and my monster 3.75" inches of massive meat?
Well, we're gonna give her a night to remember.

>>149314358 (OP)
Does that make her blue-black?

Yeah, well, Zendaya is Meechee.

>>149314358 (OP)
This film is nothing but garbage for IPad kids, you think this shit will bomb, but watch, just like the shitty Minecraft movie, zoomers and alphatards will flock to theaters wearing Smurf suits or some shit and throw popcorn in the air when the film says "Influencer Smurf". You see we can’t have good cinema for shit these days, only "ironic masterpieces" for zoomers, the internet destroyed cinema.

Fuck the Smurfs and this shit excuse for a franchise, TOTAL SMURF DEATH

>>149314358 (OP)
do they ever run a train on her?

>>149315277
Probably. You have one female servicing a large number of males so I imagine it’d be like one of those mating balls other egg laying animals do, where one female is surrounded and fucked by multiple males in an attempt to fertilize her eggs

>>149314647
I'm 42 and I'm calling bullshit that you don't remember Chris Brown reminding her of a woman's place.

>>149315436
>Chris Brown reminding her of a woman's place.
kek

>>149314358 (OP)
Rihanna needs her meds if she thinks this.

>>149315436
I'm over 40. Who the fuck is Chris Brown?

>>149315968
>Who the fuck is Chris Brown?
Wife beater, that's all you need to know

She's also hot as fuck.
.....
Rihanna, I mean.

>>149315991
In her prime, yes. Specifically, during the early-to-mid-2010s. The question is, is she a good actress? No. She's proven that with that awful Battleship movie from 2012

>>149314358 (OP)
Because when I think of Smurfette's high squeaky voice I hear Rihanna's grunt.

>>149316019

No argument there.

>>149316034
Say what you will about the early-10s live-action movies, but at least Katy Perry as Smurfette was a slightly better choice than Rihanna

>>149315975
So he’s based, got it.

>>149314358 (OP)
Do small children nowadays even know who Rihanna is?

Also, her voice does not fit Smurfette at all and makes her sound like a chainsmoker. Hell, Katy Perry and Demi Lavato did better.

Her voice is disgusting

>>149316256
You're a gay faggot. Her voice doesn't fit this particular character though.

>>149316190
PR Marketing use celebrity tactics as voice actors just to get moms who have children in the seats

>>149315414
SMURFS DON’T LAY EGGS
I’M NOT GONNA TELL YOU THIS AGAIN
PAPA SMURF HAS A FUCKING BEARD
THEY’RE MAMMALS

>>149314647
>Umbrella was released 18 years ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvBfHwUxHIk
(drawfags take notes)
>Battleship came out 13 years ago

>>149314358 (OP)
The Smorfts

>>149314358 (OP)
hot

>>149314647
A bitch who who gave a guy herpes and was justly reprimanded

>>149314842
What a waste of Craig Kellman's designs.

>>149314358 (OP)
The new Rihanna movie - The Rihanna The Smurfs Movie Starring Rihanna as Smurfette

>>149315414
>>149316495
Smurfs don't reproduce like that, they only fuck for pleasure

>>149314358 (OP)
Kino

>>149317768
Except that Smurfs were created without sex, only gender. They want to fuck, but have no idea how or even why. This is why they're blue.

>>149314358 (OP)
Always a red flag when some pop singer is being publicly advertised as a character voice. I means the promoters have nothing better to brag about. This movie is doomed in a way that the makers can feel.

>>149318688
Have you seen the trailers? It's the closest you can get to experiencing what it's like to have a stroke without risking real medical harm.

>>149314358 (OP)
>AYO HOL UP YOU TELLIN ME WE WUZ SMURFS AND SHEEEIT

>>149314358 (OP)
okay

>>149317856
Actually yeah, WHY do Smurfs want to fuck Smurfette? If they’re a race with only one gender and/or sex, why does introducing a new one instantly make them go "WOW I WANNA KISS THAT"? Shouldn’t they all be technically homosexual (ignoring a few inevitable outliers)? Is there some Smurf lore that says they’ve always been attracted to the females of other species, they just didn’t have any of their own before Smurfette and that’s why they’re all romantically interested in her? Because I would accept that.

>>149316450
I'm not a deaf retard like you

>>149320014
My smurfs lore knowledge is not the best but I remember another anon saying there’s also a female smurf village, so maybe they just normally live segregated.

>>149320040
SAAR

>>149314358 (OP)
He say he haffi smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf

>>149314647
She was popular when you were in your 20s, you have no excuse.

>>149320322
NTA but I stopped following mainstream pop when I turned 22-24 because it became too distant from what I used to like.

>>149315414
They reproduce via stork. Smurfette is an artificial smurf made by Gargamel to infiltrate the others.

>>149316495
>THEY’RE MAMMALS
They're fungi.

>>149320014
Fey creatures by their nature act out roles which they only imitate rather than truly embody.