Thread 149524252

This powerful stream washes away the sins of my diet, ever forgiving of my consumption of high-fat, low-fiber foods. It sees my posterior again and again, never asking why I must be so thoroughly served when I know it is my own choices that make my toilet weep.

Are bidets good for hemorroids bros? I felt a lump in me ass when i was cleaning me asshole and im worried it's gonna flare up into that, i've never had one im pretty scared.

>>149524252 (OP)
If Ronnie sits on that he can do a CHARGIN MAH LAZER!

>>149524252 (OP)
someone should make a ronnie generator

>>149524282
it's okay man, hemorrhoids are not always the terror from TV. Most of the time it's just kind of a bump, like you now how the anus is like, a bunch of narrow bumps arranged in a circle? one of them gets a little big for its britches and swells, and then it goes down after a few days as long as you dont fuck with it.
The hard part is cleaning up, since obviously that is gonna trap stuff in the creases, and the last thing you want is an infection there. so yeah I have to think a bidet would be fantastic for that. Haven't tried it, I just use those wipes (the ones that don't smell like diapers. the uhh lemme check

Cottonelle Freshfeel ones. that's what you want. but yeah a bidet is probably good..

>>149524282
In the end what a bidet does is spray cold toilet tank water on your asshole. Most of the time you still have to wipe to dry off your anus, taint, and upper legs. If it's that much of a concern take a shower after your morning dump, or try flushable wet wipes if your city allows them.

>>149524252 (OP)
Just get one anon

>>149524598
>upper legs
Manlet status confirmed

>>149524540
>>149524598
Thanks guys it means a lot

If your hemoroids start to bleed go seek the doctor immediately, it wont heal up it just gets worse and worse and the iron anemia will make you feel suicidal as fuck its horrible.

>>149524659
Eventually you stand up and there's a thing in our universe called gravity. Didn't even mention that most bidets you install yourself only spray for a second or two and the stream is weak so it amounts to lightly moistening the shit.

>>149526107
He cute

>>149524282
Apply witchhazel extract topically with a finger up your bum.

>>149524598
>try flushable wet wipes
Do *not* flush these bad boys, but do use them.

i cant imagine a life without a bidet at this point

>>149527897
theyre truly lifechanging
but i live in fear of the day the tubing breaks while im at work and the house gets flooded

>>149525477
so where is mr agrias

>>149524252 (OP)
>A bidet
Oh, he's one of those...

>>149529702
has been for quite a while

>>149524282
Wash your asshole with soap and water after every dump to prevent hemorrhoids.
Eat more fiber (beans, cornflakes, etc.) and drink more water. Not soft drinks or alcohol, proper fucking water. You can also drink yoghurt to induce a quick shit. Real yoghurt, no fruit or chocolate flavored ones.

Bidets are nice but I can never tell if I'm fully clean.

Luckily toilet paper has this ingenious feature where it turns red to tell you to stop wiping.

Between this thread and the deleted GL thread, I'm concerned for /co/'s hygeine.

>>149531162
Whats the difference between ripening and rotten

>>149524282
Yes, but you should get some Preparation H or a generic. Freaked me out the first time it happened but it will go away on it's own and the Preparation H will speed it along. Full disclosure, you have to shove the nozzle up into your ass and squeeze it out, but it's worth it.

Also, don't push too hard when you're crapping. If it doesn't come, then try again later. You can get on of those little foot stool things to lift your feet so you're in more of a squatting position, which will help. A bidet will also help with this because if you spray your ass then flex your rectum a bit you'll give yourself a mini-enema which will make you pass your crap super fast.

Also, bidet's are luxurious. Once you start using them wiping with paper will seem like trying to clean caked on mud with a McDonald's napkin. Unironically I'm going to get one of those portable one's you can screw onto the end of a water bottle for camping now because wiping in the woods is nonsense.

>>149524598
If you get a slightly fancier one it will have a second nozzle attachment so you can splice in the hot water from the bathroom sink. I can't comment on how nice it is because mine came with a screwy T-splicer so I have to troubleshoot how to hook it up but I imagine it's an experience ancient man would have sung battle hymns about.

I used to try doing the shower thing but then I would check myself by wiping afterwords and I was still dirty as could be. Really, just get the bidet, it's worth it.

>>149524282
Might not be a hemoroid but a Perianal hematoma
Got that twice, once from weightlifting, once from construction work lifting

>>149524837
Bro, you got a bad one. I got a $70 one of Amazon and I have to lower the power on it sometimes because it's powerwashing me so hard. It's really great for when your constipated/have an impaction because you can just cut the thing down with it until it slips out. I don't know if you've ever had an impaction but it's one of the worst things I've ever had to deal with. Like trying to squeeze a softball through a garden hose.

You've just got to pat dry before you stand up. Then your legs won't get wet. I'll admit sometimes I've run out of paper and had to just deal with it, but I've gotten skilled enough with it now that I never have anything left over by the time I'm done.

Also, most people probably don't know, but having gained a bunch of weight recently I think Ronny's gut has gotten so big that he's having trouble wiping his butt, which is why he had to get a bidet. First time I failed to reach it was a grim wake up call I had messed up and needed to course correct.

>>149527930
Mine's metal and screwed in. What's yours made out of? It's basically the same thing that hooks the faucet and toilet to the water feed in the wall, so if neither of those have ever had a problem in all these decades they've existed I can't imagine the bidet will, either.

>>149529946
Great advice, Anon, but don't forget LEAFY GREENS. They're incredibly important (also known as "roughage") Leafy greens are what prevents it from turning into that smeary texture where you get stuck wiping for hours and blasting through a whole roll of toilet paper but it still just keep coming.

>>149531262
You can just dry yourself with a single wipe of toilet paper afterwords to check. I've gotten so consistently good, it's not really needed but it's nice and also so company doesn't feel awkward when using the toiler. Cuts down on toilet paper costs like mad, I think I only buy a small pack every 3 months now.

i'm fan of the hose style bidet. in addition to its intended use, on hot days, you can soap up your balls and wash the sweat off while you shit without having to take a full shower.

Whomp threads always bring in the most intense discussions about whatever topic the newest comic is on

>>149524252 (OP)
ITT: faggots

>>149524252 (OP)
I had an asshole that would break skin very easily for most of my 20's, I'm afraid to use them because of how much it hurt on my last trip to Japan.

>>149531359
Rotten is a more liquid consistency, has mold and smells like shit, over ripe bananas only have brown skin and soft texture.

justice for randy

>>149531451
>What's yours made out of?
plastic