ITT: Rewrite a classic Simpsons episode in the style of how the modern writers would

HARD MODE: Rewrite a modern Simpsons episode in the style of how the classic writers would

The joke is you! Talent slipping and moral posturing at record highs! Meanwhile, you still hate every technology which can give you effective immortality, and oh? One of them was caught masturbating to it?

What an amazing fetish, overcoming death.