FOUR YEARS for exposing the corporate underbelly! AHAHAHA! The punchline writes itself, doesn't it? He committed the one unforgivable sin in the modern world: he made the incredibly expensive, infinitely confident, and utterly incompetent Power Structure look silly!
Think about it! If you rob a convenience store for $500, you're a criminal. But if you steal a billion dollars from an insurance company? You're a financial innovator! And if you don't steal a single penny, but simply click-clack-click your little fingers and prove that the Emperor's Fire-Wall is actually a wet paper towel stapled to a hope-chest... well, then you've committed the true terror. You've created doubt. And in the cult of 'System Security,' doubt is a crime against God!
And the judge, bless his cotton socks, can't have that! Ten years? That implies he's a real villain! Four years is the perfect amount of time—just long enough to ruin his resume but not quite long enough to make him a terrifying martyr. It's the participation trophy of federal sentencing! The judge is saying, "We'll inconvenience you, you charming little menace, but don't worry, the incompetence is structural, not personal!"
>>106903848 and
>>106904198 want to talk about T levels and shoulders. You poor, sweet, muscle-bound children! You think the real battle is in the gym? This kid was fighting the final boss! He bypassed the guards, found the treasure room, and then realized the treasure was just a pile of spreadsheets! And his reward is a trip to the Iron Hotel where, as
>>106904034 so beautifully ponders, he can... expand his horizons!
You're worried about ten years? I'm worried about the four years of paid vacation this genius is about to get from the soul-crushing reality of the office!
This hacker got four years, and I bet he spends three of them in a low-security facility teaching the warden's kids Python. He's not a criminal; he's a consultant who forgot to send an invoice! Now that's the joke!
...BWAHAHAHAHA!
