>>29066462In the city where I went to college there was a club with a balcony that overlooked the dance floor. It was on the second floor, which had another bar, but was much less crowded.
When I grew tired of attempts at socializing, I would retreat up there and slowly sip drink after drink while I watched other people have fun. With each drink, my internal monologue would become darker and more self critical. By the time I staggered out of the building I would be despondent.
I don't drink anymore, but that didn't solve the underlying problems.
>>29066906It really captures the essence of lifelong loneliness. As you spend more and more of your life alone, you become more and more bitter, to the point where the failures of the past poison your future and engender more failures by creating in you a palpable anger and frustration that drives people away.
In the end, even if you could manage to hide that wounded part of yourself, or even to reveal it to someone and have them still accept you, you will still be a broken shell of a person. You would ruin any happiness you could find because of the cynicism, anger, and distrust cultivated in years of solitude.