I am a Japanese male who graduated from a university in a shithole Westoid country and now no Japanse firm wants to hire me at entry level, unless it's for an English speaking monkey job like teaching English to 12 year olds

I suffer in your so called cartoon paradise. Fuck you

start your own business

I don't believe this for a second. The friends I know there basically get to pick their own hours and field at this point for how in-demand bi-lingual employees are.
But I guess they did graduate from a domestic university.

can't suffer in zipang

yea that's why the entrance exam is such a big deal in japan because they only respect those places, your best chance is to ask your dad for some seed money and start a company in the country you graduated from