Have you ever been forced to give a best man speech in your cunt? How did it go? Tomorrow I have to help my older give one about our younger brother but we're about to kill each other because he wants me to say my segment a certain way and I want to say it a different way. I'd appreciate feedback on which is funnier.

>>213154706 (OP)
Version 1:

As the better man, I’d just like to say to [the groom] — I am not offended that you didn’t pick me to be the best man.

We only shared a room for 20 years. Twenty long years of snoring, sleep talking, and nearly suffocating. And those were the good nights.

Mostly, I remember being kept awake until 4am while he played just one more quick game with the boys. I just hope winning your games was worth the chronic insomnia you gave me.

Despite all the late nights, he still somehow woke up early every morning for his IT job — a career we’re thankful for, because if it wasn’t for the occasional internet outage, you’d never see him leave his room.

That’s not entirely true. He has been known to leave his room to raid the fridge. And no, that’s not another joke about his weight — he’s actually a phenomenal cook. Or so I’m told, because I’ve never been able to convince him to cook for me.

But [the groom], I still love you. Just make sure you keep offloading your three-month-old computer equipment onto me.

>>213154706 (OP)
Bagged those freaks

Version 2:

As the better man, I’d just like to say to [the groom], I AM NOT offended that you didn’t pick me to be the best man.

We only shared a room for 20 years. 20 long years of snoring, sleep talking, and borderline suffocating. It's not asthma, it's sleep apnea. Mostly, I remember being kept awake until 4am, while he played just one more quick game with the boys. I hope winning your games was worth me losing my sleep.

Despite all the late nights, he still managed to wake up early every morning for his IT job. — He built a career turning computers on and off, and yet, still can’t fix our internet. An outage is the only time we see him walk out of the room.

Actually he does also come out to raid the fridge. But, for a guy that's dense, growing up he was always really sensitive. He could dish it, but never take it. It’s no surprise he’s a phenomenal cook. Or so I’m told since he’s never actually cooked for me.

But [the groom], — I forgive you. Tonight, I just wanna watch you dance.

>>213154706 (OP)
>best man speech
Soyjak tradition BTW

>>213154788
not my choice.

also i just realised asking the ESL board for feedback probably isn't the best idea.

>>213154846
Ask /b/

>>213154706 (OP)
god this is so based

>>213154706 (OP)
Just for you, OP.

>>213154706 (OP)
Russia

>>213154706 (OP)
Yeah I did it last year for my best friend and I’m doing it this year for my brother. My speech for my friend went down well and people came up to me all night saying they loved it.

>>213154765
I prefer this one.

>>213154745
>>213154765
Both are twice as long as they should be.

>>213154861
Ask a porn board for advice?

Both are good

>>213155143
Yeah but if you had to go with one, which would you choose?

>>213154745
>>213154765
all 3 of you shared a room?

>>213155295
For a short while. Then the older moved into what was essentially a closet, and my little brother and I shared a room throughout all of high school.

>>213154706 (OP)
I did a speech at my friend's wedding. I was really nervous but it went alright

>>213154745
>>213154765
Oof lmao

>>213154706 (OP)
>he still goes to marriages
anonbro

First one is the best one. The jokes & riffs in the second don't really make sense.

>>213154706 (OP)
Dont tty to be funny, be realistic, be straightforward, be grim if you want to, just wish them well, no jokes or gags whatever, have some self dignity becsuse best man speech is reddit and only redditors laugh at that kind of thing
t. Forced to do best man speech in 2023 because apparently i'm the 'funny guy' in my friend circle and I didnt throw a single joke in there

>>213155439
Lmao as in they’re funny, or lmao as in I’m fucked?

>>213155528
The latter one. A funny speech is really hard to pull off without it sounding like you're trying too much. Though there's probs some cultural differences in the speeches, dunno what sort of speech you guys normally do. I'd personally put in maybe one or two jokes max

>>213154745
>>213154765
They’re ok but they’re also not that funny. You’d get a few exhaled chuckles but it also depends on your delivery. Of course they don’t have to be funny but you’re including jokes so they need to hit otherwise it’ll be awkward.

>>213154745
>>213154765
You're doing a speech, not a tight five. Out of these, maybe the second one just for being shorter

>>213154890
If it was a woman it be over

>>213155462
Best parties

imagine your best man posting his speech on fucking 4chan to get advice on it

>>213155516
>>213155624
>>213155631
>>213155748
Everyone’s a critic. Yeesh.

Le funny roast speeches at weddings are extremely embarrassing

>>213154706 (OP)
I hope you enjoy the wedding. So there's you three brothers huh? Got any sisters?

>>213156121
No. Only m*n in my family.

>>213156307
RIP mum

>>213154745
>>213154765
ask deepseek to combine both into one... o algo