Thread 64515822

Post the worst cheapshit zomboid katana horse shit bolt-to-an-AR accesory that mists your eyeballs dime store aluminum knuckleduster HUNK OF FUCKING SHIT FOR TOO MUCH MONEY.
Shit made in slave factories
For child size people
painted in pure lead
OFFEND THINE EYES!

>>64515822 (OP)
Just go to arg, gq, hg, etc it's garbage all the way down

>UK bans zombie knives, specifically
>if your knife isn't designed for killing zombies it might be ok
>this means there is a law that mentions zombies, a fantasy creature, by name and restricts weapons designed for fighting said non-existing monsters
Am I autistic or does that bother anyone else?

>>64515822 (OP)
Excuse you that thing can kill th shit out of a zombie it says so on the fucking blade.

>>64515822 (OP)
Let’s not blaspheme God.

>>64515859
If it was $10 US I'd destroy one doing yard work, that's about it. I have too, consumable cheap yardswords should be in every shed.

Not a weapon but it fails at being 3 kinds of knife at once. It's Snoop's bitch though.

>>64515858
Zombies have infiltrated the government

>>64515881
the more you look at it the worse it gets. It's like it's trying to be a butcher knife and a chef knife at the same time but it's very bad at doing these jobs. What's the third kind of knife?

Calm down buddy.

>>64515950
Nowhere near the mass to be a cleaver, but it apes the shape.
I didn't make the joke, I'm being better.

You could use it to scrape hides I guess? And the back is for defending against zombies with katanas?

Ya see, this is just unfortunate. For the world.

I love/hate it. I want someone rich to buy it for me, like Snoop. However I asked him for a sword for 4 years and he kept saying no.https://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/the-zombie-apocalypse-axe/

Pictured here, with a native Brown.

>>64515976
>>64515978
these abominations look so cool and I'm tired of pretending they aren't cool

>>64515822 (OP)
How retarded you want to get?
The retard hole goes pretty deep

>>64515881
Is this a bongland compliant knoife

>>64516018
WOW. Well anon have my poem about chinks being forced to make jap weapons for capitalists.

“Hammer Songs for Foreign Swords”

Smoke sits on the mountain like debt.
The furnace coughs red — another dawn.
Iron sings its Japanese tune,
And I, a son of rice fields, keep time on the anvil.

They call them katanas,
Holy blades of our once-enemy.
Each stroke I forge buys another bowl of thin soup,
While across the ocean, soft hands display my shame in glass cases.

Three thousand dollars —
they whisper that number like prayer.
Enough to buy me thirty years of hunger.
Enough to remind me I am not the warrior,
only the ghost who tempers his sword.

My hammer falls —
their empire glows.
The sparks rise like souls escaping payroll.
And when the whistle blows,
I bow — not to ancestors,
but to the clock.

>>64516018
I've been sober 18 months and this makes me want to relapse.

>>64516018
we love retard holes, keep going

>>64516047
https://youtu.be/srzCq8zRGMM?si=8pQiZGmgg0sxLdV4

Holy shit. I'd rather die. This does not complete one single swing.

>>64516039
Very harmonius. +5 social credit.
>>64515858
Most politicians are retards, yes. The bongs are extra retarded.

>>64516051
Why does it have all those angles and shit? Do they expect someone in the "survival" situation they market it for to need to set rafters? What the fuck is this?

>>64516059
I have a folding protractor in my 12 day bag and even I don't know why.

>>64516039
nice
The fun thing is chinks had a pretty decent history of sword making, but they could never sell them locally because the next stop for a dao owner is the nearest kindergarten to go 'revenge on society' which is a mix of incel rage, psychopathy and well, just bug things

In the meantime, this is by far my most favourite accessory, I would hurt myself so badly with it

>>64516064
AND THERE IS ALSO THIS RULER!

Those fucking rice jew fucks... look at this lol

>>64516067
I'm going to give that bitch a whole 5cm!
Look out!

This one looks stupid but for $45 you can fucking demo a house by hand into neat little piles. This is the direct opposite of Zombieshit. I love this tool.

>>64516080
I wish my features were multi-functional, highly aggressive. So badass

>general home improvement
kek

>>64516084
You know those truck campers? I had a 79 Cricket on an 84 chevy C10 built into a C20, and I demo'ed it in a half an hour with sorted scrap.
I am not fucking kidding this is a gem among trash for once lol.

>>64516084
I just changed my gender on facebook to this.

No.

Remember the tacsac?

>>64516099
The Tac-Sack got us around some AOW shit, it's redeemed.

This is not. Wtf, is it like a california/NY stock that blocks the thumbhole?

>>64516087
Think the purpose of that one is you break into someone's house with it, take all their good shit and generally improve your home with their stuff

Also knife-chucks

>>64516108
You are literally dropped from every insurance on the planet for buying this.

Not only that, you can neatly remove a side wall to quickly push it all into a truck. Theft with a fucking shovel lol.

>>64516115
A fucking tactical shovel you mean!

>>64515881
that's literally just a nakiri, baka gaijin

>>64516141
What the hell are the holes for?

I wonder how well an entreching tool head would work on a larger handle? Might need a larger head to take advantage of the handle.

>>64516080
Those wrecking bars are the best hand tool you can have for an "It's all going in the dumpster" demolition.

>>64516347
I feel like yours is nice and mine is not.

>>64516369
.13% lighter whitey

>>64516369
Probably for bending chinesium rods or some shit. I know the bugs made propaganda piece for their "47 tool ultra dragon multifunction pocket shovel". Here ya go. https://youtu.be/b60OZhrTB6o

>>64515991
You are correct and OP knows it. That's why he's nostalgia posting about zombie gear in 2025 lmfao

>>64516039
10/10
Anon effort posts
I laugh tremendously hard
You enemy now

>>64516463
>effort posts
I'd give 99.99% odds that they just asked chatgpt to write it
the 0.01% is reserved for the five or so people on the entire internet who actually use the em dash despite it not being on any standard keyboard layout

>>64516408
Not at 14in
Well placed hammer blows are fast

>>64516481
No it wasn't long enough and chatgpt wrote the last stanza.

>>64516481
>soft hands display my shame in glass cases.
Human.

>>64516067
that's actually a flint and steel setup. the striking rod is fourth image down. scrape the metal bar down the rod and receive a shower of sparks. the ruler is just because there was empty space in an overthought wonder tool.
considering the also included window breaker, compass, whistle, and flashlight I'd want to check if there's a decent review from someone who wasn't paid to review it. it might not be trash.
except for the ruler. I just noticed the measurement on said ruler. 1:100000 and goes to 5km like it expects all maps everywhere to specifically follow their absolutely inane scale. that part has no value.

>>64516529
I stole that part from a thread yesterday and the 3k price part from one today. It's not fucking art anon it's a poem banged out for fun.

>>64516534
>receive a shower of sparks
esl-kun?

>>64516542
you yourself might be ESL. a shower of sparks is a properly defined phrase that does exist within the American lexicon. try working a blue collar job around electricity.

>>64516558
I've never heard phrasing like that from an american. The phrase yes, but not "receive" as used.

>>64516422
>Hammer
Fugging kek

>>64516536
Argue as you will about what art is, I consider it an action of artfulness

>>64516567
The word choice might be a little poetic lmao
But not esl

>>64515885
>Zombies have infiltrated the government
Nah, governments are ran by crypto-necromancers protecting their zombie slaves so they don't see losses on their corpse investments.

>>64516692
The government is a gang of flying parasite amoebas who feed on the zombie decay gasses, all other things are a secondary concern to our rulers.There must only continue to be gasses.

>>64515858
"Zombie knives" are a specific design of knife. Rambo knives are banned too (although I still have mine, tee hee, silly government :3) and Rambo isn't a real person either.

If you read the actual law, like I had to, it's absolutely ridiculous. If your knife has more than two out of three of a serrated edge, a blade over 8" long, and multiple points, it's illegal, otherwise it's still fine. I threw out my machete because it was like the one in OP's picture and wouldn't cut anything anyway. I tried to use it to remove a tree branch and I might as well have been using a cricket bat.

>>64516039
This is a nice poem.

>>64515822 (OP)
>anon discovers that cheap mallninja shit is cheap mallninja shit
Congratulations.

>>64516042
Wait until you see this.
Magazine knife.

>>64516080
I've got that, it's awesome for demo stuff, bad for building it back.

>>64516864
I was taking out a top stud across a wall and slammed the point into my collar bone hard enough to cut the skin and chip bone lol. But that's just me.

yeah

Elon? Elon... you need more polygons...

https://www.atlantacutlery.com/templar-throwing-axe

https://www.atlantacutlery.com/british-bobby-replica-truncheon

Why is this in the zombie stuff?

>>64516898
>>64516903
Jesus with this site the hits keep coming...

Um...

"Sir, how did you get this wound?"

>>64516018
>bayonet
>on a glock
>not even pointy
>off-axis laser pointer in place of a rear sight
What in the actual fuck?

>>64516039
Glorious.

>>64516064
ouch/10, would not speed-reload again

>>64516080
That's fucking metal, actually. But if it were painted puke green with strawberry red splatter, we'd look at it in disdain.

>>64516108
3edgy5me

>>64516878
Just for fun: in how many ways is this illegal in Bongland?

>>64516968
I bet they outlaw shit by weight in case you hit someone with it.

>>64517136
It's only illegal if you are white. Minorities can keep them cause disarming youth is racist

>>64517159
Just the same as Sikh knives, obviously.

At least the middle two are only a little bad?

>>64515850
>Just go to arg, gq, hg, etc it's garbage all the way down
Truth.

>>64517207
#3 and #5 are serviceable machetes and #4 is a somewhat mixed-up bunch of features from actual combat weapons. #1 and #2 are shonen-anime-tier retarded, and #6 is a dangerous version of cheap LARP bullshit I was into while underage. Not the best collection I've seen, but not the worst either.

"Chinese swords are relatively unknown in the West"

https://www.sword-buyers-guide.com/chinese-swords.html


uh...

>>64517299
lmaos continue... "DISCOVER the real deal on how to buy swords online that some unscrupulous sword merchants would prefer you didn't know..."

https://www.sword-buyers-guide.com/buy-swords-online.html

>>64517308
>unscrupulous sword merchants

Genuinely confused.

>>64516059
So that your six-year old can take it to school inconspicuously

>>64517399
I think a sub-compact should do just fine.

I still want one

>>64516898
Actually nothing wrong with this. You can't reasonable expect to throw an axe correctly every time so its good to have the back basically be a giant spike that can stick into stuff. Even for just throwing at shit in your back yard, its better for it to stick than bounce back at you. IIRC even lots of medieval throwing axes looked like that.

>>64517426
Throwing weapons are never actually weapons, they're drunk-toys.

>>64516369
Speed holes, duh

>>64516534
>>64516067
pretty sure I know these particular sheetmetal strikers, they dont fuckin work. neither sharp enough to produce much, nor hard enough to for the bit of sharpness to not dull immediately
also that's just a centimeter ruler, they added the kilometers thing to make it seem like it has yet one more additional use

>>64517440
well you dont want your drunk toy to bounce back at you and split your thigh in half

>>64517577
It'd be somethin warm and wet to put my dick in...

>>64517484
I don't know if this holds for these but a youtuber showed the best striker is the threads in the parts, but it destroys them. Their point was best spark at the time though.

>>64516919
>the speck of blood on it
It's peak

>>64517885
It's reversible I guess lol

You can't really throw these right?

It's HEKKIN anime!

I could like this except for the three fucking retard holes. Why?

This one brings the pussy

It's a MULTI tool though...

>>64517939
hell yeah brother

>>64517969
Among everything made just like this, and considering nothing else, then doing drugs a little, this is the best of them.

... there is a waiting list ...

At least I can use it to hang myself right next to my zombie killer certificate.

Oh look, there are other ways to fail.

>>64515850
what's up with /gq/?

>>64515976
Imagine being in a fight with zombies, and you're wielding two of these backwards like yo mama taught ya, and you're like thrust stab. stab stab stab and then the zombie dies and you're all like fuck yeah.

>>64518076
He's probably salty that I'm poasting unobtainium (for (You) Russian drip for the last 3 threads and everybody's enjoying that instead of cockholing out.

>>64516067
Why does this come with a rape whistle

>>64518093
It's not sporting if you don't warn your prey.

>>64518093
Duck call... how do you make soup?

>>64518044
The biggest failure would be losing $24, it sounds like some mil-spec pharmaceutical though. Like you were pissing razors for a week but the doc gave me some Srvaxe and it cleared it right up. Except the shame, nothing will stop the shame of people waddling around a campsite with a broomstick, zip ties and dying from the cold as they clubbed pieces of tree for a fire with this thing.

They couldn't even shove tendies into their face hole's with their utility spork as they were frozen

>>64518197
I mean none of this shit existed but I was friends with a kid that had every goddamn tool ever on him at all times. He rattled. On his keychain that rivaled his backpack he had every cheap ass gadget on the planet.

>>64518206
Pretty sure at this point Carabiners are an underground sex-fetish because everyone figured PVC, leather, swingers and rubber are too well known.
>So they jingle
>If you know what the jingle is
>You know

>>64518221
Pretty sure he didn't have sex...

>>64518224
Might be he wasn't jingling right then, or maybe its a bush-wife kind of thing we're not privy to

>>64515858
"the weapon sometimes known as a "zombie knife", "zombie killer knife" or "zombie slayer knife", being a blade with—

a cutting edge;
a serrated edge; and
images or words (whether on the blade or handle) that suggest that it is to be used for the purpose of violence."

So as long as my LARP knive has an image of Lara Croft with her tits out instead of punisher skull it's perfectly legal?

>>64515988
It's clearly a native muscovite strelets with his signature berdish polearm. Sadly he had to sell his musket to pay for male prostitutes and vodka

>>64518326

>would

>>64518300
So long as it meets all other necessary regulations as well, yes

>>64518326
My great uncle carried one of these on Iwo Jima, he was declared MIA after he encountered a Japanese officer with a katana and they both tried to teleport behind each other at the same time

>>64518326

Only $54 dollarydoos? Fuck it, looks neat. I'm pulling the trigger on this just for the meme.

>>64518326
I like to play a fun game of searching for tactical/combat and any historical blade

like "tactical gladius"

>>64518359
Consider the ninja variant

>>64516039
Beautifur

>>64515858
>Am I autistic or does that bother anyone else?
Yes and also yes

>>64518370
Just what we need to give to young men to protect their virginity as they become Marine Ninjas

>>64515850
>>64518090
this is a great example, all those generals are full of faggots

>>64518300
Tits = loisence

>>64518365
oh... oh no...
>>64518370
BOTH retarded but still can chop brush for a while. Also TANG.
>>64518912
Is the liner locking bar textured or is that a tiny fish scaling blade? I have never used a fucking fish scaling blade and owned 100. I use 35 degree stick + straight blade method every old guy tried to show me every time I went fishing under the age of 30.
Seriously, you could not wander a stream at 4am and catch a trout and NOT have an old person appear like that serb meme, and show you the stick and blade method. (Adirondacks NY)

Plenty here: https://www.foxtail.nu/bjorn/navi11.htm
From "De fulaste svärd jag sett" to "Sagan om fulsvärdets återkomst".

>>64515858
Context, dear autist, context. A law like that has nothing to do with the fantasy creatures, it's simply there because the it was fashionable with the chavs to run around and be a nuisance with those things. Had the chavs been running around with Bark River knives or cricket bats with pictures of Theresa May on them then that's what would have been banned instead because the point of it all is to give the police and courts the legal tools to deal with unruly chavs.

>>64518359
Please make a thread reviewing it when you have it

>>64515822 (OP)
What makes "zombie knives" so especially deadly that they need to be named and banned in the UK?

>>64520057
What makes a bayonet lug, barrel shroud, pistol grip, or rifle grenade launcher tip so deadly they have to be banned by multiple US states?
>politicians are retards that see something that scares them and so they ban it