When the abuse only makes them even worse and thus more dependent on abuse? Its like never ending downward spiral

>>40020836 (OP)
Most abusers are smart enough not to go “by the way potential partner, I am an abuser who will abuse you if we get into a relationship”. They usually wait until the abused cannot easily end the relationship before they start doing abusive shit.

>>40020886
So what happens to the abused once the relationship ends? Do they just end up even more of a husk that needs even more abuse to feel loved?

>>40020919
Like many things it depends. From my (very limited) understanding, being in an abusive relationship can fuck you up in a variety of ways that can lead to a variety of weird behaviours.

>>40020836 (OP)
Low self-esteem and/or is a survival and end up in relationships who resemble the previous dynamics

>>40020836 (OP)
Because the abusive is in the form of “I’m only doing it because I love you or in your best interest. I’m only doing this because I care about you” it’s those smug excuses which manipulate the victim into thinking that they are not being abused when in reality they are.

>>40020836 (OP)
you don’t know they’re abusers until well into the relationship. usually abusers lovebomb you early. if you’re someone with low self esteem or who has had trauma its sadly very easy to miss the warning signs. once you become emotionally or financially dependent on them, it can be very difficult to leave. you can believe you can “fix” the other person, or that if you changed yourself they would stop hurting you. you can end up pretty traumatized and hyper vigilant once it ends. after a very abusive relationship, i got into another relationship after a while. i was always suspicious, it was hard to be vulnerable and trust. little things would give me anxiety like seeing him drink (my ex had a horrible drinking problem he hid for a very long time and would get abusive after drinking) or loud noises. even if my bf closed a door too loud it would make my heart race. every year when it approaches the “anniversary” of the worst abuse i get depressed and anxious. the effects can linger for years and really damage your self esteem, ability to have healthy relationships, and trust yourself, because you think you must be stupid or broken to have gotten into an abusive relationship. really messes you up.

>>40020836 (OP)
I hope not all forms of abuse result in worse outcomes for the abused person.. Because Im looking for something unique yet similar to a abusive relationship that is low stakes for both people. Im not sure how to describe it
-
Something where i dont have to put much emotional investment in, where i can keep my cards close to my chest, and where ill get abused when we're together or just when she wants. But its not a serious relationship.

>>40020886
you can tell pretty easily for most actually. if you get into a relationship with a guy who pushes your boundaries, lovebombs you, badmouths other people, gets jealous easily, etc. you chose to get abused. you knew what he was and you wanted it, because you like the idea of being a victim.
kinda sick of willing victims whining about being called out their self-destructive nonsense, just because they don't want their free tap of sympathy and attention being cut off.

>>40021363
A partner who pushes boundaries is so hot though

>>40021363
I don’t believe it is that obvious in 99%+ of cases. Even I don’t believe that people are that stupid.

>>40021480
why is it so unbelievable some people are self-destructive? that they're attracted to high-intensity relationships and want to be hurt? are you really unfamiliar with anyone who seems to sabotage their own prospects or thinks they don't deserve happiness? neurotics apparently don't exist for you guys. but it's common.
the above is apparently unbelievable, but mastermind level manipulators duping sweet innocent victims into staying with them with their silver tongues... that's perfectly believable? in your worldview, the victims are a lot more stupid, staying in a relationship that provides no benefits to them. abusers are not particularly slick, i'm sorry to disappoint. they rationalise their actions like anyone else, but there's a reason that the victim finds those rationalisations attractive, and why they stick around. they enjoy the cycle of abuse too.

>>40021678
Thats a good point. So in a sense the abused is just as at fault as the abuser for the abusive relationship?

>>40021363
>pushes your boundaries, lovebombs you, badmouths other people, gets jealous easily, etc.
Hey that's me... Hmm maybe I'm abusive... That's pretty hot.

My abuser (a cis woman btw) was my first relationship and I thought a lot of the behaviour was just normal because thats how ive seen women act in others relationships on tv and irl. Now I was raped by her after divorce and am being forced to have the child and pay out child support for the remainder of my life while she brags to her family and friends about how much money she is getting from me. I should never have tried dating women when I knew I was only attracted to men :(

>>40020836 (OP)
Im grateful abusers exist because they keep me alert and on my toes. Normal relationships are too easy, give me the dark souls difficulty of dating please n thank you

>>40021830
>brags to her family and friends about how much money she is getting from me
How much?

>>40021855
20-30k a year with my current earning cap

>>40020919
being in an abusive relationship rewires your brain to be a permanent victim

once you have one abusive relationship you will only attract more and more abusive partners

>>40020836 (OP)
When you were abused your whole life the only love you know is abuse and manipulation so that's what you want in a partner.

>>40021872
Not true, my current boyfriend and I have been taking steps to ensure that we cannot abuse one another

>>40021887
Boringgggggg

>>40020836 (OP)
I thought she was just “passive aggressive transphobia” abusive, not “false accusations and stalking” abusive.

>>40021940
Tell us what's on your mind

>>40021940
I know that feel...

How do I find an abusive transbian gf? What are the tell tale signs?

>>40022087
You can tell by how they respect you. If they purposely cross your boundaries and stuff there's a good chance they will abuse you.

>>40020836 (OP)
Idk I believe with ptsd a lot of the times the brain turns parts off to protect itself but then you have a messed up brain and in moments of trauma are the only time you will feel those parts so trauma survivors will often fall back with abusers and stay with them bc it’s better than not having the stimulation. There is a bit in body keeps the score how trauma survivors are kinda addicted to trauma it’s also why they are so restless the brain is expecting it so kinda looks for it in anticipation. Also not to mention their learned behavior can set them up for it as-well. A mouse with a broken shelter in its home will return in signs of danger to the broken shelter even if a much safer house is introduced or something I’m not a dr and have my brain scrambled from abuse

>>40022215
lol a traumatized brain definitely typed this

Is it possible for two abusers to love each other?

>>40021969
I don’t know.

>>40022278
and/or read picrel

>>40024311
Based ty for getting my back nona I’m bad at explaining things sometimes but yar that book is honestly awesome anyone interested should read it helpful stuff