My partner says I'll probably be forced to troon out again at some point but I don't want to and it's not an option for me I can't handle it mentally. How can I get rid of this shit. I'm about to be 20 and I'm in the same place as a year ago now. PLEASE HELP DUDE I DONT WANT TO ITS MAKING ME CRY SM PLEASE THIS CANT BE HAPPENING. Please do not encourage me to do it I just can't after everything I just want this to go away forever.

>>40055391 (OP)
the longer you wait, the honner your out will be

>>40055391 (OP)
>20
Oh god, you have a "partner" and you're young, you won't be a "hon."

>>40055401
FUCK OFF I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU EVIL PERSON WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

>>40055408
It's the truth though

>>40055408
yeah yeah yeah. whine whine whine. all you do is whinge and complain. i came out at 20 and went back in the closet before i started hrt, only to come out "for real" five years later. i implore you to reconsider

>military lifer
>far right politics
>join the cloth
and then john 50 or kill yourself with alcoholism
or troon now
those are realistically the options you have

>>40055421
How is being a tranny any better than just being a guy it's worse and will make my life so much worse

>>40055432
idk some people just get an urge to do it

>>40055428
I can't deal with that I know you people think you are helping but I just can't mentally take it it's not a matter of "cracking" me. I just want to not masculinize and be invisible to the world.

>>40055432
If you have severe gender dysphoria you're already a tranny and you will always be a tranny
Pretty much every older repper will tell you that the dysphoria only gets worse as you age, while relevant studies show that trooning out and having the support of friends and family work in reducing that dysphoria
People will say midshit this, lateshit that, and fair enough. But it's also important to know that every year counts. Every year you're not trooning out is a year you'll never get back and a year that will make it harder for you to pass. You can boymode/manmode if you're afraid of not passing early in your transition.

>>40055445
how do you think you're gonna "mentally take it" when you're 40 and making?

>>40055469
*MALDING

>>40055469
You are horrible

>>40055488
why are you so against what you know is the right course?

Yep just accept that its mental illness and try not to succumb to it.

>>40055499
Because it's not, I'm unhappy either way but trooning out will probably kill me and make me lose all my family

>>40055505
How bad is your situation actually?

>>40055505
>unhappy either way
why?
>probably kill me
not unless you 41%
>make me lose all my family
ah, there's the rub. you're afraid to be disowned

>>40055429
I hate alcohol and I do little to no drugs

>>40055504
based trvke

>>40055520
No it's far more than that but I can't explain my life story. Getting conetits is not gonna help me in life id probably have to wear a binder forever and boymode forever and also wear a mask to cover up my face. I also fucking hate all trannies besides one.

>>40055534
How bad is it? You live in Saudi Arabia or something and are 6'11''?

>>40055504
true and valid

just manmode you turbo idiot

>>40055542
I don't wanna be one of you ever thanks

>>40055548
What's the point in growing tits to manmode?

>>40055534
bro: we on this board are not equipped to be your therapists. which is what you need. even if we were, this isn't the place for it. you hate yourself bc you "hate all trannies except one." like, bro. i'm not getting paid $150 to pull back the layers of your onion. you asked for help, i'm giving what i can, and you're acting like a little spoiled bitch about it. "take your fucking pills" is the last thing i'm going to say to you. take your fucking pills

>>40055550
Why would you even make a thread about this if the topic didn't pain you in some way? If you have gender dysphoria you are a troon, you were a troon and you will always be a troon regardless if you transition or not.

>>40055567
Yeah you are right I'm aware of how stupid this is but I get bursts of dysphoria in manic episodes. I probably will not be "taking my pills"
>>40055572
I was genuinely hoping there was some other solution

>>40055391 (OP)
I knew a tgirl. She was military. Propaganda and combat photography MOS. She enlisted specifically so that she could be exposed to the worst battlefields with no chance to survive. She snapped. Transitioned 3 yrs arfer me, had her SRS 2 months after mine.

She was one of the last trans people to ever be granted legal gender recognition in my country.

Just the facts.

For you: Enlist. Choose a combat arms MOS. Train and be manly. Defend your country, your brothers and sisters.

Or start working on yourself. Get off antisocial media, and 4chan. Touch grass. Are you autistic? ADHD? Have you ever read the ACA laundry list? Please do. Get yourself checked by a competent psychologist, who won't rubber stamp you as trans. You won't regret it.
/tttt/ will be here.
And you don't need to rush your decision.

If you do, if like for me it ever comes down to hormones or waiting for the train...
Choose hormones.

> t. Transitioned at 22. Former 17C discharged for being trans. 11 years in, SRS 7 yrs ago. Turbohon. Regrets: 0.

>>40055555
>quint fives
holy moly
anyway the reason is that you're getting rid of some of the reasons to be dysphoric about, like from your example a flat chest (although personally i don't have boobs despite being 4 yrs hrt w/ injections)
plus like the fact that you aren't masculinizing further while on hrt is a HUGE weight off the conscience

>>40055587
>I was genuinely hoping there was some other solution
I understand. Transitioning is not a perfect solution, it can actually feel really fucking humiliating. The easier thing would kind of be just waking up one day and not having gender dysphoria. Expecting that to happen though is sort of like expecting to just one day wake up with a completely different brain, personality, etc. from the one you've always had.
I actually used to pray to God as a teenager every goddamn night just so I could be a girl, instead of getting getting the medical and mental health help I would've desperately needed at that time. I never got any help for any of this shit during my youth btw, no one ever "groomed me". I just spent pretty much every other day, if not every day, trying to fight away the depression that came from having to live as a fucking moid.
Almost nine years ago as a 19 year old repper I actually used to make threads like this here, because yeah I thought of transitioning as an awful humiliating thing that I shouldn't have to go through, that I should be able to just be a girl. People here said "take your pills Alice", "you'll be fine", "no one wants to be a hon" and I didn't because I thought I was smarter than some dumb troon and could make my own decisions.
(1/2)

>>40055776

I got a gender dysphoria diagnosis when I was 19, almost trooned out at that point with my very twinkish body, but backed out at the last minute because "I'd never pass", but at least now I have the diagnosis if I wanna start later. I started looking into getting on HRT again when I was 21, because the dysphoria got too bad to handle. All of this was when I was in the closet and socially isolated btw. Went on it for a week or so, but the lack of any support, the sudden mental changes combined with the hostile environment I was seeing made me stop. I think I actually went on HRT twice when I was 21. The dysphoria never went away, I came out of the closet at 24 and soon after turning 25 went on HRT and have been on it ever since, and feel better for it. I love my soft skin and body, I love the mental changes, my only regret is that I didn't get on/stay on HRT when I was younger.
But at the same time I can't help but think that there's an alternative universe where
>I trooned out at like 10 or something when I managed to put words to being trans
>I trooned out at like 13 when the dysphoria was getting really bad and I considered becoming anorexic in order to prevent myself from becoming taller
>I trooned out at 15 when I first came out to my mom, only to go back in the closer
>I trooned out at 19 after being diagnosed with gender dysphoria and while I could've had space living on my own
>I trooned out at 21 and didn't stop
But the reality I live in is the one where I trooned out at 25, and I'm glad I did. But MAAAAN do I sometimes wish I could astrally project my experiences into the minds of these fucking 19 year old twinked up /tttt/ chudette repper trannies. This post is the best alternative: the choice is yours, do whatever you feel is best.
(2/2)

>>40055654
I'm not dying for someone else's cause. Yes I'm autistic and ADHD and cptsd. People used to call think I was a girl as a kid so I forced hypermasculinity on and off for years and I'm just so exhausted I lifted, did martial arts, boxing, went to many different churches even larpy ones like Orthodox, buzzcut several times first time when I was a wee lad getting rid of my long hair. People referring to me that way and treating me not like a man probably made this problem way worse and at this point I don't know who or what the fuck I am because I never developed a proper identity and had a huge ego death the only way to know I exist is to attach myself to things. I don't want this it's not fair I get this on top of everything else in my life I'm so fucking fucked up I'll try to never use this board again but I probably will I'm manic as shit rn

>>40055654
i forget sometimes that trying to force people out of their copes leads to bad outcomes, sometimes. so thank you for reminding me of that. the way you talk about your friend, it feels like she might not be alive anymore. if that's the case, i'm sorry. you're a real human being. she was (hopefully, is) lucky to have you in her life

>>40055587
There's no other solution: You have 3 paths.

>Repress:
You can go on living a normal life being assaulted every now and then by the strong and paralysing feeling of something being wrong, this enemy Will grow and grow, until someday is unbearable and faced with the desition of killing yourself or honning out You are more likely to hon out. Surprisingly even people who say they want to die pussy out when faced with death.

>Troon out:
You already said you will lose your family, so even if it's possible I don't think you want to go full troon, so you can just manmode. "What's the point?" Not feeling miserable over your body, being able to enjoy life, knowing even if you change desition you can just stop hrt, it's not an addictive drug for fuck sake. If You want to hide boobs try to wear a binder and undeshit and loose clothing it's really not that hard to manmode because you already have the male build and manerisems.

>Monk out:
Convince yourself everything you feel is temptation and the road to salvation is living for others, give your everything to your comunnity every day and work so much for the people around you on order to be too exhausted to think of trooning whileaking the world a better place. The dysphoria will never dissapear but you don't have to think about yourself

>>40055760
I would look silly with tits I don't think my partner would like it. If I was an actual girl tits wouldn't be a problem because I'd be an actual girl. Also I get gyno pains already even before my brief period on E and I'm not a fatass either
>>40055776
>>40055790
I relate to the hostile environment literally no one irl accepts me besides my partner. I get that people wanna "help out confused people" but I think every troon has a unique situation and dysphoria. It's just so hard because I see so many troons who are hons who put zero effort in and I know id be one of them and I refuse to let that happen but seeing more and more hair grow on my body is like getting raped by 100 wild bulls while centipedes are inside your ears and people are scratching forks on plates

>>40055873
>seeing more and more hair grow on my body is like getting raped by 100 wild bulls while centipedes are inside your ears and people are scratching forks on plates
Right, it's a really awful feeling, and getting on HRT would make sure you won't get any hairier. There's no shame in manmoding, and if you have a supportive girlfriend you're already in a pretty decent situation. No one is saying you can't start putting more effort in later if you wanna troon out properly. You can start out by just trying to take care of your health and get laser done etc while manmoding. I don't know how hostile your environment is but I wish you luck.

>>40055821
I'm considering all of those things and I want none desu. Maybe the monk one sounds the best.
I have never wanted to die, but being a hon might be worse than death.

>>40055391 (OP)
you are literally a hon right now

>>40055939
No I'm a dude

>>40055898
What is your height and weight?

>>40055898
You are 20 dude, you wont be a hon, you have time to make a desition and a gf who supports you, however time is limited and wont last forever, and every second you wait is a second more you'll have to answer to your future self

>>40055964
I'm like 181cm haven't weighed in like a year probably 70kg and twunkish and I look (and act) autistic. My waist is pretty slim and my hips are nicely shaped but I have a vtaper and some muscle I can't get rid of. I probably can't fully get slim arms with hormones even if I starve myself which I won't ever do again

>>40056008
I should probably stop replying because I'd sound like a broken record but I really don't wanna do it. I just am not capable of putting effort into it and it doesn't make any sense to do it because I just wanna be invisible to the world.

>>40056015
You'll basically have the same specs a lot of twinkhons on this board have especially if you lose a little bit of weight, not to mention you're 20
I don't think there's any such thing as "muscle you can't get rid of" in the long term btw, the thing you should worry about is the underlying skeletal structure

>>40055654
Does trooning out fuck up your chances at a security clearance? I might want to get one with the DOE in the next few years, non-military.

>>40056015
muscle atrophy from hrt will give you slimmer arms

>>40056169
I know I'm eventually gonna take hrt and I'll ruin my life.. wait it's already ruined fuck. I just wanna focus on giving my partner (I'm not a transbian) lots of hugs atm I don't wanna think about shitty things like this

>>40056093
Depends on what country you live in.
> DOE
So USA.

USA currently has a DADT equivalent due to the Trump admin. Your clearance is fucked, I'm sorry. (I couldn't get mine even post-SRS with clean papers. Fun fact: *me* being trans fucks the clearance of my whole family, who do serve. But I'm a thirdie.)

DOE is supposed to do a pretty thorough review, but my advice is: DADT. If the interrogators doesn't bring the topic up, then don't tell them. Try to have your papers cleared though (legal name and gender recognition if it's available in your jurisdiction). And don't freak out if they deadname you or things like that. Focus on your breathing and stay calm.

>>40055818
No, Goddess!
Last I've heard of her was in COVID, then she had herself deleted off the Internet. She had enough of cyberbullying and literal bullying of the legal system. She probably skipped country, and used her skills to disappear. She passes great, she has every chance in life.

>>40055792
You tried everything, and nothing worked.
Go to a competent therapist, have your Autism and CPTSD under control. If your CPTSD is induced by your parents, go to ACA. If by masking, then do normal therapy.

>>40056301
Yeah I should be getting help and I'll continue trying but I don't feel comfortable talking with most people I've seen over my life. Especially about tranny bullshit I hate talking about that.
Also Australian Counselling Association? How do you know where I'm from? Anyways I should go to bed and leave this thread gn

>>40056301
I was mostly worried about hormone use, on official government paperwork I was already thinking I should just list myself as a suspiciously girly looking male until trump is gone.

>>40055776

Look. I'm 6'2". Linebacker shoulders. Have a snowball's chance in hell passing. I was even told that in clear terms by my therapist who diagnosed me with transsexualism. "{Deadname}, you will not pass. You will never be a woman. Ever." And I answered her: "I have no chance but to try." At that point, I have been 3 months on HRT.

At the night I took my first pills of HRT off inhousepharmacy, I had no reason to believe they were hormones. I thought: "Whatever, if it's some poison or addictive drugs, then I'll die some horrible death, and it'll be over. If it's legit HRT, then okay."

It was legit HRT. Fortunately.

This is your decision, OP. It won't get easier. Not if you repress, not if you transition. Since you are repulsed by hons, it shows you care, you have less chance of becoming a hon no matter when and if you transition.

We will be here.
Or an entirely different community.
You're not alone, >>40055391 (OP)

>>40056464
I'm sorry that happened to you
Being a tranny has to be one of God's cruelest pranks

>>40056434
Oh yeah and thx for the advice, I don't even think the people making these rules would hate trannies if they just knew more of them.

>>40056434
E is not a listed substance, and since you told you won't be military, it won't show on a drug check. T would. Stay off anything else, and don't tell anyone anything. And, for the love of Goddess, don't hit on males (or anyone for that matter, civvie jobs take frat way worse than the military), nor get the pic of your bf on the table. That's the best way to get fired. But that's my $.02. I know the procs of my thirdie NATO country, the procs in your country may differ!

>>40056364
*Adult Children of Alcoholics* (and other dysfunctional families). That helped me with cptsd. No, that's not for tranny shit.

I'm not comfortable talking about trannyism, either. I'm a woman, Goddamnit, or so I tell myself. But here I am.

And if you're not comfortable talking to people, try to talk to either Claude or ChatGPT. They do help.

>>40056518
Fortunately here in the U.S being gay isn't really persecuted like being a tranny is so I think the bf isn't a problem, but yeah I won't tell them where the titties came from.

>>40056540
Well I still don't trust any random dude with knowing I am gay, but fortunately the DOE is kind of the U.S's catch-all applied science agency so the coworkers are a bit more tolerant than any random male is.

>>40056464
I think a hon attitude is what bothers me and a lack of self awareness not people not being able to pass. The agp in me wants to be a "whole" woman and anything less would just be causing me more problems then I can handle, I want some idealistic delu lu because living in reality sucks. My parents and the people around me trying to reinforce and encourage my masculinity used to bother me alot but not as much now for what I want is fruitless, the people in my life need a guy

I also appreciate the kind words and the fact that strangers online would sit down and type me thoughful paragraphs. Thanks. This is my actual last post doe I'm addicted to this board again

>>40056597
I used to think so similarly to the way you describe your thoughts regarding this that it's depressing, but that's also why I know I can't actually convince you on this.
This board and other places like this will continue to exist.

>>40056597
Yeah some people just don't look good, if that's because they are a non-passing tranny so be it, can't really blame someone for crappy genes.

I think some of the hons used in anti-hon propaganda aren't even trying though, like come on even they could do better.

>>40055445
i'm pretty much in the closet after 9 months of hrt, i just wear layers, so you have time even if you decide to transition

>>40055534
i transitioned at 20 and i don't have cone tits, and i'm not on it yet, but progesterone evens them out for most people, but i think people should take it regardless of it's effect on tits

>>40055654
i also should get off 4chan and touch grass this isn't doing my mental health any favors

>>40056792
What's the current best practice protocol of /lgbt/? When I started Progesterone was something only whispered about.

>>40056813
It's not about touching grass I sometimes use different image boards for like 9 hours straight on impulse I love going outside tho even if my gf is pm my only irl friend. Avoiding this particular board at the minimum could be beneficial