Anonymous
6/15/2025, 11:29:21 AM No.40064413
When family offers me money i decline.
Could easily make thousands as a e-hoe but itd be too easy.
I have a malebrained sense of pride where if i dont feel like i earned it with my hard sweat and blood that its value is inherently less and thus devalues me too.
I want to stand above people knowing i got there with my own ability and not handouts or cheap cheat code shortcuts.
But i notice i also have this problem when i play chess, if a player makes a mistake i let them retry a move, but i myself never retry cuz thats for the weak. And if the enemy makes a dumb mistake i feel less satisfied. And the more I play the more i notice how the game is basically just one big deception game, you make them think you're doing one thing when really you're doing something else, there is something hinterhältig/conniving i dont like about that. The more i play the more i become dissatisfied because it feels less like a battle of wits and more like a game of deception, its hard to describe.
Its like im making my life way harder than it needs to be and i cant tell when its becoming toxic and pointless.
Could easily make thousands as a e-hoe but itd be too easy.
I have a malebrained sense of pride where if i dont feel like i earned it with my hard sweat and blood that its value is inherently less and thus devalues me too.
I want to stand above people knowing i got there with my own ability and not handouts or cheap cheat code shortcuts.
But i notice i also have this problem when i play chess, if a player makes a mistake i let them retry a move, but i myself never retry cuz thats for the weak. And if the enemy makes a dumb mistake i feel less satisfied. And the more I play the more i notice how the game is basically just one big deception game, you make them think you're doing one thing when really you're doing something else, there is something hinterhältig/conniving i dont like about that. The more i play the more i become dissatisfied because it feels less like a battle of wits and more like a game of deception, its hard to describe.
Its like im making my life way harder than it needs to be and i cant tell when its becoming toxic and pointless.
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