i wish i knew why i dont like myself. i make myself think negatively and basically deny myself happiness. i dont want to be unhappy but i cant let myself be happy and i dont know why. im not mad at myself, i dont think. i dont know what i did that i cant forgive myself for. there are things that make me unhappy, sure, but i obviously have other ''things'' too. there are people who are in similiar situations to mine. people who got unlucky and ended up being born like me. they dont have to be unhappy and many of them are actually happy or atleast content despite their struggles and i just won't allow myself that. it almost feels like when you see that someone is upset with you but they just won't tell you why and you're just left there wondering what it is that you did to deserve them being mad at you.

and if i didnt do anything then why won't i help myself?

>>40071213 (OP)
schizo meds will change everything

>>40071213 (OP)
i'm also like this. i think i just hate myself for being stupid in the past and now i'm screwed forever. it's ingrained in me that i'm a bad person and don't deserve happiness. it's my fault that it's not better right now, so i should be punished

>>40071491
It not being better is the punishment, and you can always grow from a bad person. You just have to want to change without inhibiting yourself with believing you are inherently bad.