Literally how am I supposed to interact with this?

>"cis" bf slinks off to jack off to mtf tf porn 2-3 times a day for hours at a time
>i'm not supposed to know about it, but i am aware because he does it so much and often leaves things open
>has previously mentioned feeling unsatisfied with his gender, yet totally locks up and blocks me out any time i offer to discuss more about it
>the constant focus on himself in this context ends up pissing me off because i end up feeling left out from a part of his life, and sexually ignored most days on top of it, plus i feel like i am sexually not satisfying his needs if he has to constantly seek this stuff out

I don't know how to approach any of it. Telling him I know about it would imply I had been snooping, plus any attempt to ask about and affirm any gendered thoughts he has always turns up negative. I fucking hate gender tf porn as a means of repression because it does nothing to further your thinking on gender beyond just gooning and sexualizing the trans experience for the sake of sexualization. Am I just supposed to ignore this forever? We've lived together for 3 years and this has been consistent, yet there are no other real issues in the relationship.

>>40081415 (OP)
Wait if you're trans and your bf is jerking off to mtf porn that should be normal right? Maybe I'm misunderstanding.

>>40081461
Not MTF porn, that would be fine. It's male to female transformation porn, often in the form of a game, where the player starts out male and is sissified or otherwise transformed into a woman through mystical or fictional-medical means.

I've always hated it because it dumbs down what I feel is a very lengthy and tough process for the sake of pure sex.

>>40081511
>I've always hated it because it dumbs down what I feel is a very lengthy and tough process for the sake of pure sex.
yeah that's why it's a good cope
you can easily get off to it and indulge in your agp instead of taking a leap of faith and hoping you don't completely nosediving your entire life in the process

>>40081415 (OP)
hahaha your bf has agp and he's going to troon out on you

break up with him while you still have the chance

>>40081415 (OP)
Why is your bf even jacking off? Shouldn't you, as his gf, be the one emptying his balls?

>>40081683
I don't think that's necessarily the case. I had moments of questioning my own gender identity while dating my current gf and ultimately determined im 100% cis. A lot of men are AGP-curious but few are actually trans outright. There's something kinda there about the idea of "becoming" your gf and experiencing what she's experienced.

>>40081415 (OP)
Your bf has a literal porn addiction. Have an intervention with him and if it goes well ask him about his gender insecurities again in a couple months. Otherwise break up with him.

I think this SHOULD be something you talk out with him anon. The only reason why me and my gf of 3+ years are so happy together even through high school stupidity and deep seeded mental health issues is because of communication and team work. If you true value the relationship with you and your bf I recommend talking it out with him.
Since it seems like a sensitive subject, approach it gently to him. When he seems like he's not doing anything, gently ask if he's busy and if he can talk about something semi-serious. If he cares or doesn't have something immediately super important to do, he should agree. Also if he's the type to talk over you then tell him to listen to what you have to say first and then he can say what he wants. Either way, he shouldn't talk when you're talking and vice versa. It prevents a huge back and forth fight and allows for a person to properly absorb the other's words.
Bring up concerns and observations carefully. It's best not to bring up anything with the porn content he's watching/his possibly gender confusion yet because it seems like it'll result in an immediate shut down. Do NOT accuse him of anything, he'll most likely get defensive and shut down. Instead use "I feel" statements (thank you therapist) to describe what you feel like and what you want.
"I've noticed you spend x hours in your bedroom jerking off and, to me, because of this I feel like I'm not sexually satisfying you."
Follow this up with asking what is going on (gently of course) or asking for reassurance. If he wants to talk, let him talk in full and give a calculated and empathic response.
He's shutting you out and you need to remind him and yourself that you guys are a team. He can trust you with anything, just as you trust him with anything.

I'm not a licensed therapist but I'm studying to be one. If anything I said doesn't properly fit your situation, tweak it as needed. I hope this helps you, even a little bit.

>>40081716
>There's something kinda there about the idea of "becoming" your gf
i don't think most men wish they could turn into their gf
i think if you're dating women because you want to be them you have other issues

>>40081415 (OP)
by breaking up with him. repping melts the brains and he will inevitably see you as an object to live vicariously through. you arent a person to him, youre a means for him to cope with his gender dysphoria

>>40082041
i wonder how many reppers become chasers in hopes that someone else does all the work of making them transition

>>40081511

>>40081814
>i don't think most men wish they could turn into their gf
Many men fantasize about becoming a lot of things. AGP is a very common fetish and dating a girl who was born male and transitioned into becoming female definitely fires up that fetish in a lot of men. At least for me it passed and I'm no longer into that.

>>40082389
The only reason i used to fantasize about being a woman is because gay men are repulsive and straight men are just... hotter.

>>40081415 (OP)
he sounds based
he just like me frfr

>>40082092

>>40081737
He's at least slightly aware of his own porn addiction, sometimes he brings it up in jest, though the one time we attempted to talk about it seriously he again shut it down

>>40081740
I appreciate your words. I feel like a legitimate talk should be in order. We've had much smaller scale conversations that sorta just end up being: 'well I feel bad I don't tend to you enough, I just don't feel like I have the time' to which I immediately think to the 2-5 hours a day he has to himself and thus the response feels kind of empty, it's probably worth giving it a more structured try, though.
All in all, I've considered myself a relatively straight trans woman, but I do have curiosities in pansexuality, and don't mind exploring that further even. It just seems like he's completely unwilling to budge on any feelings, possibly for my sake, which feels shitty.

>>40081415 (OP)
your bf has an extremely debilitating porn addiction, i bet the gender issues will stop if he stops the porn. im sorry you have to deal with the situation though, i hope you're able to talk it through and work on a plan

>>40082331
I wish I was meeting straight trans fems on dating apps. Instead, it's the eggs who get chosen.

>>40081415 (OP)
i have a similar bf..he even told me once that if he was less masculine he might be a girl.. i tried to tell him that he should probably transition if he wants to but he didn't want to hear it
>>40081511
i found out about transitioning early and even though i wasn't allowed to i always found that stuff kind of weird since i wanted to do it for real
but i also found out my brother is into transformation porn and idk what to think

>>40081461
Doing it 2-3 times a day is too much though

>>40082890
It is not uncommon for him to casually say stuff like this to me as well. On top of just mentioning feeling vaguely gender dysphoric sometimes, he also makes side comments I literally never know how to handle. "I wish I didn't have this leg hair, or chest hair" Like, okay, in the nicest way possible you can shave it, how do you think I have to handle that stuff? The issue is he just has to 'do' it

I feel such a disconnect because from my point of view, my solution to these things was just to properly explore my thoughts, and then make changes. The thing that pisses me off about things like prepping behind porn is it literally will almost never progress you anywhere mentally. You cum and then everything is fine, but you're stuck in a loop that gets you nowhere. I've made it clear multiple times that I'm open to him exploring, but he doesn't seem to want to do that so I'm constantly at a loss. I truly hate some forms of trans-type porn though.

>>40083108
*repping not prepping god damnit

>>40082554
if he's not willing to work with you, or the very least compromise with you, then it sounds like he's too selfish to be in a relationship and you deserve better. I hope a talk would clear this all up