confess things, write a letter to someone you can’t, or just get things off your chest….
good luck nonas

nothing will get better

This was supposed to be me and my doro

I miss my transgirl ex

Maybe if you stop being a NS you can get another one. Also explain how did a transfem dated a NS. Nazis killed trans people.

i am a brainwormed passoid and i feel a very strong disdain and disgust whenever i see hons or manmoders. i cant help it i just feel an instinctual hatred for people that dont pass

>>40111989 (OP)
kill yourself

>>40112580
Wow most bitter poster just jumped out

>>40112592
it's meant for the OP, specifically

>>40111989 (OP)
I've dated women in the past but I'm going to keep this a secret so chasers don't think I'll leave them if a cis woman comes along

I love my gf so much but it feels like her brainworms are taking over our relationship

>>40112595
I feel like we've dated the same people lol

>>40112625
lol what? I sincerely doubt that... I'm telling OP to kill itself because it's a piece of shit

>>40112641
What letter does their name start with?

>>40111989 (OP)
My gf wants to top another trans girl and is worried I'll break up with her but I actually find it hot.. I want her to top the girl and then fuck them both

>>40112674
the OP? I have no clue and I couldn't care less! it also bears no relation to the last person I dated, probably before you were born given the demographic and behaviors on this board, so I'm not sure what you were trying to get at

>>40111989 (OP)
I desperately wish I could apologize to my ex for my desperate deranged BPD crashout at the end of our relationship. calling her nonstop for hours on end and sending dozens of unanswered text messages. I was so lonely and depressed and like, out of touch with reality, and she was really the only person in my life I had at the time that I actually loved and felt like cared about me, and I just couldn't handle it. It was just like 10 million "why aren't you responding to me??" "do you hate me??" "I'm going to kill myself" "Do you even care?" text messages back to back to back.

It was 2 years ago now and I've changed so much since then. It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize how in the wrong I was, at the time I thought that she was just abandoning me for no reason and I couldn't see that I was just an actual crazy person. Not that she was a saint, I think there were probably things she could have done better that would have made it easier for both of us, but they hardly matter in the face of everything I did.

I think it's the worst thing I've ever done to another person in my entire life, it's one of my biggest regrets, and it's also just extremely embarrassing. It genuinely haunts me. I wish more than anything I could just reach out to her and genuinely apologize for everything, but I just know that any attempt at contacting her would inevitably be seen as a desperate attempt to get back together. Even though *I* know that it isn't and that I just want to apologize just to get it off my chest, there's no reason for her to trust my intentions after all that. and I'm 99% sure she has my number blocked anyway.

I fantasize about bumping into her in public somewhere and just briskly going up to her and apologizing and then walking away before she could respond. I don't think that would ever happen. Realistically, I think if I ever did run into her somewhere I would probably be so ashamed I'd just turn around and run away.

>>40112725
You sound just like my ex who made me want to kms, for the sake of your ex please leave them alone and move on

>>40112725
To try and keep myself sane I tell myself that if she wanted to hear from me, she would reach out, and that the most mature thing to do is to just let it go and move on. and that's probably true. but a part of me still can't help but think about it and wish i could somehow make it better. not to date again not even to be friends again, just to somehow absolve myself, selfishly

>>40112740
Thankyou for your advice...

I doubt there's any chance the person I'm talking about is on 4chan but just in case... your ex's name wasn't Maya was it...

>>40112768
Nope, she was called Jess, I hope you get better and can find yourself and then true love with someone

progesterone is a catch 22.
in order for progesterone to push you past tanner 3 into tanner 4 and 5 you'd have to take like 2000mg of if. this is bad for a few reasons. one. it'll induce lactation (some of you sick fucks think that's hot). and two. excess get's converted to dht. that's why you have excess hair growth on prog, but also why you get male pattern baldness from too much prog.

taking 200mg of prog is moot.

>>40111989 (OP)
my bf is asleep so i can't tell him and maybe it's better if i'm not ranting to him but i want to be his wife so badly. I want to wake him up with breakfast in bed and maybe a little more I want to kiss him as he leaves for work I want to make him dinner and please him I want to bear his children and I want them to look like spliced clones of us I want to grow old with him and die in his arms

but maybe he secretly sees me as the freak i fear he might and i'm being delusional for wanting any of this and believing someone would give it to me. you hear what all the moids say, trannies are only for sex. i desperately want it to be untrue but...maybe all men think that way. I 100% trust my bf and will do whatever he wants me to do at any time but i still have my primal fear of ultimate rejection.

>>40111989 (OP)
>confess things
I drank three bottles of diet soda in a 4 hour period and it gave me a huge migraine and photosensitivity. It eventually went away but that really sucked.

>>40112794
That's a relief, and thankyou <3

to be honest, I think I've already gotten better. I mean there's definitely still a lot of room to improve but I know that I would never do that to another person ever again. I understand now why it was wrong and how wrong it was. I'm way more self aware and emotionally intelligent now, or at least I like to think so. I just wish I could undo it all.

Fuck I think I tripped over my words and made her feel worse when I was trying to help
I'm really bad at this stuff sometimes

I want to be a cis man so fucking bad. I hate that I am trans. I hate that I am a trans woman and I hate that I'm expected to be proud of it. There's nothing here but misery and despair. Please I want to be a cis man so bad please please help me. I dont care if it makes me a different person altogether. I want to be a man. I want to be a man. I want to look down and see a man's body and be happy with it instead of wanting to die. I want to change my inside to match my outside please please please I can't fucking do this. Why did I have to be trans?? Why can't I be a cis man??! I hate myself so fucking much!! Pride? Trans joy? Get real! This is a curse! A plague within me!!

>>40112815
i feel the same way about my bf :(

i get a lot of thoughts about if he actually loves me, or if im just someone hes settling for until he either gets tired of me or thinks he can do better. i just wanna confess all my feelings and aspirations but im worried he doesnt actually see a future with me and im really scared its just gonna end horribly.

>>40111989 (OP)
im so fucking hopeless about my future rn. im just back to obssessing over the idea of killing myself. i ccan't stop thinking about it. i just keep playing it ovre and over in my head. im trying hard not to do anything and just wait until tomorrow morning when i see my therapist next. im really not much better than i was years ago despite all the work ive tried to do, so idk what the point of trying is. i wihs i knew how to fix myself but i think im stuck like this, i mean even my psychiatrist has given up on trying meds or treatments, i only meet with her to just talk.

i hate you completely
you pathetic piss twink
with your weak, warbly voice
and your stupid purple prose
and your penchant for underaged pussy
i will spiritually destroy you
you will not have the mercy of living in my shadow
you will be consumed in the fire of my glorious, righteous light
your magick is weak like the other nonce before you, who died upon the mountain
may your madness consume you further
may you be hounded daily by that thing you're running from
you can pretend it's me, but I know it's something far more sinister you're trying to evade
if I'm to believe the supposedly singular skeleton in your closet is enough to break you
then your spine shall not weather the burden of shame that awaits you as I plunge you into your rapturous undoing
i will live every dream you strove for, and ensure you face every nightmare you dread
victory is already mine
your spells are useless on me feeble mage
your illusions have wanted
i remain
you cannot author my undoing

>>40112578
my wife and i only come here to make fun of hons. wish we could mog them IRL, but they'd probably try to murder rapehon us.

>>40113111
>>40112578
I highly doubt you look anywhere near as good as you think you do. And, in any case, being a young adult comparing herself to middle age folks is hilariously pathetic. Your ass gets mogged by the most average cis woman in the world most likely.

>>40113212
sorry to disappoint you, am a passoid luckshit. i don't care about being mogged. only care about not being a hon

just because i’m really going through it doesn’t excuse me pushing you away and ignoring your feelings. it’s really wrong i did something you asked me many times not to do and i did it. i promise in my head i thought i was doing you a favor in the moment ridding you of the burden of knowing me. it’s not okay and im sorry. im also really sorry for being so selfish and talking about my problems so much and if any of my questions were invasive. you are an angel and i really miss you and i really wish i could still talk with you even if just little updates in your daily endeavors. we knew each other for a short time and learned a lot about each other i think and i wish i got to learn more. i wish you told me more but space was needed. i think about you a lot it’s cringe sorry and even when you had me added i wished i talked to you more and whenever we voice chatted i wish we said more and i got to listen to you more. i loved your voice and your laugh. ik it was complicated between us and im sorry for bad boundaries and things we couldn’t share together. it is probably better you have me removed and i am genuinely crazy and not a good person idk i get it and i hope you are okay and really hope you live life the way you want. i promise this is not the person you are thinking it is if you happen to read this idk idc i love you pls stay away from me i love two people and its gross and nasty and i have a million problems on top of that i doubt you have any feelings left anyway lol but idk it’s better to leave me removed and idk you may be planning that anyway. good luck and you really do have my love for whatever that means i have goodwill, grace, kindness, care for you that you even if just in my thoughts. i promise i have respect for you too just not in that moment im ill and i messed up. idk sorry good luck pls ill pray for you

>>40113333
nice blog

>>40113351
ty nona life is too much but what little bit i did get to know the person im talking ab was a blessing

yeah i fucked it
but i do think we could've worked out
maybe not as the healthiest couple, nor the happiest
but is it better to be alone and sad or with another person and sad? perhaps the former.
regardless i wish you the best and hope that someday you find what you deserve.

>>40113212
>>40113240
pls be nice to each other

You've driven me completely insane. I don't know what's real anymore. I'm missing whole chunks of my days. Was anything you told me true? Why did you do this to me?

If I had been a normal man with all the privilege of masculinity, then maybe I could have found a way to make it worthwhile. I could have maybe gotten into politics and changed the world by being a strong manly voice for positive change.

But that's not what I was. My soft, feminine voice doesn't inspire anybody. My short and small stature doesn't earn me any of the respect that a tall man gets. My feminine facial features would have to be hidden under a beard and that would make me want to kill myself. I've never been a romantic option for normal women so I couldn't even fall back on deluding myself with a wife and kids.

I don't wanna be a despised small man with a girly voice who needs to develop facial hair that makes me hate life and myself.

Given the fact that I will never have a normal life anyway, trooning out was the obvious choice. At least this way I can actually be happy with the human I am. I'll always be sad that I never fit the mold to where I could try to change things for the better tho

>>40113654
what’s going on anon?

towards the end of our relationship i was so fucking blind to what you were going through, in that last year, all those nights when you left the room to talk on the phone or hid away to text i honestly thought you had moved on and was telling me in an indirect way that you found someone else. why didnt you tell me you were in trouble? why didnt you ask me for help?

with all that was going on with you, and all the ducking and weaving to take calls and text, i got so jealous, angry and honestly sad, so i became cold to you, i started seeing someone behind your back thinking that if you could do it, why not me? you gave me 5 years of your life, gave me unconditional love, cooked for me almost everyday after work, cared for me, bought me alcohol and drugs, did everything i asked of you in bed and hardly ever complained about any of it.

i thought your strange behaviour was because you had asked to have a baby for years and i never gave in, looking back, i wish i did have a child with you, but there were so many things that weren't your fault that i couldn't have a baby with you, my parents hating you and me being an immature manchild, i am so sorry about eveything. i am sorry about what happened to you, im sorry i told you to fuck off when it all came to light, im sorry i was such a prick to your dad, im sorry i shoved you that one time during an argument, im sorry i didnt get your brother a job at my company like i had promised, i am so sorry that you felt you couldn't confide in me about your problem and that i mistook your behaviour as something else and acted out on it. i hope you found a better man than me that would treat you the way you deserve, with the utmost love and respect.

>>40113642
sorry mb. i just can't talk about this stuff IRL or i'd lose my friends

>>40113828
is okay lol let out sry. though it is kinda mean nona….

I wish she liked me low key. Never gonna happen though

i’m agp in a nonsexual way and i’m embarrassed about it eeeeeeee

>>40113869
YEAHH, i'm feelin the guilt. please do not the nona

I'm still so fucking in love with you.

>>40113982
nah i don’t post my pic here and i get the hate stuff kinda bc i feel it when i look in the mirror lol but nah fr idk ig it is bad for optics kinda or like it would be good for optics maybe if all transwomen passed so seeing the ones who don’t idk i get the frustration but a lot like me prolly feel shame and are aware of this, but idk they are just existing and it’s others seeing it is nasty idk. some over honfidence can def be cringe and negative but if everyone passed i’m sure it would be something else that makes certain trans ppl hated to bring down the whole group they ultimately are against us and if not personally want an out group to take advantage of the masses sorry on behalf of the uggos nona good luck thanks for reading my gibberish

>>40114131
ah fuck. i wasn't expecting this, i'm a visitor and you can't just say those words at me ): turns out logic wins

>>40114144
sry nona thanks for being honest and expressing yourself it’s okay to feel things too and it seems like you knew not to like be mean to others directly which is based and i think most ppl here are definitely meaner than you are being rn lol

>>40114181
were being* also have a good night

>>40114181
yaa of course, thank u for ur patience and taking the time to reply. i don't actually know why i'm frustrated at hons and i'm told i'm really nice IRL. i don't like stepping on anyone's toes. i understand i'm being unfair. maybe i need to sit on dat and think desu

>>40111989 (OP)
I think the worst thing is when you're best friends with someone for like 5 years and then when all is said and done at the end what they do is basically decide they aren't into what you have to offer very much and end up barely talking to you at all. Even with us getting along so well. I did nothing wrong to them, they did nothing wrong to me, they just ended up deciding that spending time on me wasn't as worthwhile as doing other things. It feels awful and I can't even be mad about it. I wish there was something I could do to change this but it has to be out of my hands, right? After all this time and spending so much time together and this is the ultimate result.

I really want a dom bf. it's all i really want in life, honestly. i just want a man to serve and treat like a king.

>>40113097
okay, pingpong

we're kinda getting a little testier with each other lately. i don't know how to fix it. i feel anxious permanently recently, even right now i can't sleep because every moment i calm down i get this heart palpitation thing that jolts me awake in a sensory panic. i think everything that happened during february fucked me up so badly. it really fucking hurt me. i don't know how to recover from it except to just try and distract myself from it, it feels like the elephant in the room neither of us wants to address. i'm so anxious and terrified as my emotional baseline now and it's gotten so exhausting that i am tired of being alive now too. i've never had dissociative episodes like what happened in april and may either. i think i am really approaching a break or something. i wish you'd say something genuinely kind to me, like how you appreciate all the effort i've put in, or that you recognize all that i put in. february hurt me so much. i never thought i'd have to deal with my fiance begging and screaming at me to drop him off on the side of the road and let him decide whether he kills himself or not. i was fighting this off for a whole month. sometimes i really regret coming back to this country, but realistically i don't know what else we would've done. i look back at every photo we took living there, remember the joy and airy feeling we had, then compare it to all of the broken looking faces you made in any photo during those long 10 months we lived at my parents' house, and i instantly want to die from the guilt and sadness. i feel directly responsible for the pain and the breakdowns, but i cannot shake the feeling that they'll happen again and i will never see you. i'm so terrified. i want to take a bath with you again, if i never got to do that again i think i'd just want to be erased from this earth. i'm rambling, but i feel too many things right now and i have no way to put them out into the world besides this. thank you

i am tired of trying to be perfect. high functioning sperg passoid post-op tranny, educated, good job, family proud of me, have a loving partner. it all feels like ashes in my mouth though. i don't feel fulfilled, i am always looking for the next thing and taking what i have for granted. im sober but all i think about unless im distracting myself with work is drinking and killing myself. i always feel lonely and like a freak and i don't think it will ever get better.

>>40111989 (OP)
Orangutan

I hope you get better so we can talk someday, or at least so you and him become friends again. Stop poorly stalking though it's pretty embarrassing?

I used to hate all of this, giving her my youth, never having anything serious, being prohibited to tell anyone about being with her, how she, aside from doing anything she wanted she also sabotaged every relationship I had, then she got pregnant, I hated her more than ever, went absolutely mad, lost everything, literally lost my mind, had to start from zero, all my life amounted to nothing but then I got the "offer" to babysit her kid, it was the ultimate humilliation yet it felt like a good opportunity, at first it was the bribes that kept me here, but it didn't take long to realize my true purpose.

Now I know I need to take care of the kids, to save them from her, I honestly don't know what she does when she's out and there's terrible rumors about her, but I don't really care, I am so close to them, they understand me and we take care of each other, it's sad seeing how she's a guest in her own family and I don't wish her anything bad, but she was basically begging for it.

I want to die so badly sometimes.

>>40115452
explain more?

>>40112798
helps me sleep at night

You're a darn fine girl.. i hope you're doing good.. even if you were the virgin mary it wouldn't have worked out. I am beyond reason. Peace..

>>40117105
you know how to talk to me you stupid broad

>>40118197
if this is the person you have me blocked and i doubt would call me that even though i am one

>>40111989 (OP)
I'm so fucking terrified of you leaving me and I know for certain that it will happen. I've never in my entire life loved someone in the way I love you and it scares me to death because every single person ive ever cared about has left me. I adore you so much but I'm so scared and when you're not doing well I can't stop myself from thinking it's my own fault and make things about me and I fucking hate myself for it. I want to be the best I can for you and I want to help you when you need it but I don't know that I can be that person, I don't know that I'm in a place where I'm strong enough. I want to die so badly so at least I won't have to deal with the constant anxiety over you. every time we have a happy moment and I feel so in love with you it stings even more knowing that this will eventually end. I genuinely do not know how I'll continue once you leave me, the only thing I can think to do is kill myself

i’m such a retard pls forgive me. this is too far ik even anonymously online in a void you will never see or even just in my head but i can’t help imagining us together physically. sorry i dream of us touching and being pressed together as we embrace through cuddling and holding. i image what you feel like and the look on your face and feeling your voice so close that it reverberates in my chest and us being happy together in. new found comfort turning to lust that would lead to intercourse in this moment idek if you are a top or bottom bc i was too scared to ask but i would switch for you lol which is silly that i say this as if it means something but im typically exclusively a bottom idk idc i just want to be with you physically. how your lips would feel from pictures they are plump and soft and id love the lm pressed againt mine. i imagine your penis i’m sorry and it’s soft and pale and gentle but firm. your doe soft eyes soft and curious as i touch yoh potential feeling you take control to top me. or pressing our loins into each other holding both of us together at one time in one of our hands i hate myself big pervert moment sorry for anyone who read this yuck ik sorry sorry sorry sorry

Looking back, I don't think I deserved the way you did me.
I kind of just default to taking the blame but thinking it over, the stuff between us was retarded and the things you got mad at me for were kind of ridiculous. You wanted me to treat you like a girlfriend but I wasn't your boyfriend, you getting mad when I would hang out with other friends and just all that other dumb shit. Everywhere I went, covering for you, sticking up for you even though you were actually kind of an asshole and my other friends weren't wrong to not like you.
It's taken time but I'm starting to actually be in my own corner in life, I figured out I'm the only person who's got me in the end, and now that I'm not that voice in my head tearing me down I can see that you played me wrong. You fucked me up for years although I hate to admit it and yeah it's pretty pathetic, I'm pretty pathetic, what can I say? I loved you, my bad. It's all good though, lesson learned. At the very least you taught me to be a little wiser about where I invest my time and any part of myself so at least something good came of it in the end.

hrt is a meme that didn't cure my dysphoria so I just spend my days working so I can buy liquor and drugs which is the only thing that's ever made a difference in my life.

>>40112690
Steph, is that you? Oh no it can't be. You're dead.