i think my self hate is starting to manifest itself into transphobia but im afraid that im going to end up hurting the people i love since many of my best friends are also trans what the fuck do i do i think im defective and wrong and i have it in my head that part of that is that im trans and it helps feed my self hate but i dont want to start believing that outwardly how do i stop that from happening and affecting the people i care about please help

>>40113573 (OP)
hating niggers is normal though

>>40113573 (OP)
hatred will only ever lead to ruination. it is good that you can recognize this. even self-hate is still hatred, and it will manifest in ways that only hurt more. recognize that holding onto your hatred for yourslf is only doing more harm than good. you can accept who you are right now and still desire to change, hating yourself does nothing more than make you angry. vengeance is an armor that corrodes from within. i hope you find it within yourself to let go of this self-hatred some day :(

>>40113597
one of my friends did blackmail me into going to therapy so maybe that will help but i hate myself unconditionally and i truly think it would be best for me to be publicly hung and kept up as an example of what happens when you are defective and turn out like me and i feel like a large part of that is the fact that im trans and i fear that i am becoming transphobic and i dont want to hurt the people i love but also im half tempted to find a hate mob who will happily lynch me for being a filthy tranny and just a defective faulty piece of garbage sorry im rambling im a little intoxicated at the moment
>>40113576
im not racist you dumb poon read the post

>>40113649
your hatred for yourself isn't helping anybody, i'm certain there are people in your life who would rather see you succeed! you aren't defective just beacuse you're different, you're just experiencing a lot of hurt and pain right now and that makes it hard to think clearly. hating yourself will inevitably lead to hating and hurting others, it's just the nature of hatred. i don't know you or your life so i can't say what might have happened to lead you to think this way about yourself, but i suspect maybe you're a bit young and you feel lost and like you have no purpose. and that's totally normal!! when i was younger i had a lot of hate for myself too, and i also felt like people would be better off without me around. and those self-inflicted wounds made me lash out at people, and slowly all my friends and loved ones left me :( and then i felt REALLY awful. the only thing that started to help me feel better was finally accepting that the self-hatred i had been clinging onto for well over a decade was just me hurting myself for no reason. you're not garbage and you have nothing to apologize for. i responded to your thread because i wanted to hear your thoughts and maybe show you some kindness you might be needing, so don't be afraid of rambling!!

>>40113692
thank you for reading and being nice instead of trashing or ignoring me like some other people do :) idk i just think i kinda suck and am pathetic and all i really do to feel better is get drunk and get high because im afraid of therapy and my relationships are kind of fucked and i have no self respect and i dont see myself in any kind of healthy relationship where i would be happy and dysphoria on its own is enough to make me want to kill myself and it just compounds everything and plus i feel ashamed of being bisexual as a trans woman rather than straight because i feel like people see me as weird and gross because of that when i dont want to sexualise being a woman like people will tell me i do for liking women too but im also starting to notice im mirroring some of the harmful views i see on here a lot and its really concerning me and i dont really have an in person support system either because most people just dont know or arent the kind of people id feel comfortable having these kinds of discussions with and i just feel so empty all of the time and sometimes i just consider committing suicide so i can start over hopefully as a girl or otherwise not have to deal with dysphoria or make things worse for other people i hope im making sense im sorry if im not its all scattered

>>40113573 (OP)
its a reciprocal thing. hate toward yourself is hate toward others. love toward others is love toward yourself.

>>40113779
and thank you for taking the time to talk with me :) don't worry, you're making sense to me! it sounds to me like you've really internalized a lot of negative assosciations for several aspects of your identity. it's easy to say "you shouldn't care what other people think!" but everyone knows it's not that simple. when you see a lot of people repeating the same thing over and over again, you feel like it MUST be true or else you're the crazy one.
but i'm here to tell you that in reality, you think about how much other people think about you more than other people really think about you. sure some people are going to hate you for being bisexual, but people will find whatever reason they can to hate you. your sexuality, your gender, your shoes, the food you eat, the way you style your hair, hate is an irrational thing. you can spend all your life trying to "fix" yourself so that no one will hate you, but people will find a reason anyway. because those people hate themselves a lot, and all that hatred builds and builds and builds and then they let it spill out and hurt other people :( they will use whatever reason they can to justify it, because hatred is inherently an irrational thing. its not something you can "fix" and it also means you aren't defective just because some people say you are. i dont think you're weird and gross for loving who you want to love, and i don't think you should die because you are trans. and i also don't think you should be afraid of therapy! like i said before, it is completely possible to accept who you are right now but still desire and work towards changing things. hating yourself will make you resent beneficial things when they happen, because you feel like you don't deserve good things. but you do!

>>40113857
you definitely make good points and i really appreciate it, this is the kind of thing i need to save and start reading over when im feeling down. also with that last part i do definitely do that a lot and i think its one of my biggest problems. its impossible for me to accept much of anything good anymore without feeling incredibly guilty because i feel like i dont deserve it. theres also the flip side of the possibility that a lot of this comes from trying to justify suicide because im miserable all of the time but honestly i cant tell which one came first because of how long its been since this started. and honestly im guilty of finding any way possible to hate myself too and my mindset of “its ok for other people but i should hate myself for it” is a logic that i really only can manipulate myself into believing based on my own incredibly low self respect and esteem honestly, i just view myself as lesser than most other people on a fundamental level. i dont remember where i was going with this but yeah idk maybe therapy will help but i worry that being blackmailed into it the way i was is going to make it not work since its not something i actively sought out myself and personally have an aversion too, heres hoping though

>>40113984
therapy is kinda a two way road. i'm not sure what you meant by blackmailed into it but when you are in therapy, they can only help you as much as you're willing to let them. a lot of people think therapy is just someone saying "and how does that make you feel?" or even worse some kinda government mind control thing, but in reality i see it as kinda a mutual partnership. you gotta give them stuff to work with, they give their input, you go back and forth like that. a lot of people get to therapy and then just kinda shut down and then say therapy doesn't work.
i think it's good that you can recognize these negative things you are doing. sometimes it can be frustrating to know exaxtly what is "wrong" with us and our behavior yet we continue to do it. i know that when i started to become a healthy weight (i used to be ghastly underweight) i began to hate myself really bad over it. but then i thought "well wait a sec, i think other people look good at a healthy weight... so why am i acting like i'm somehow different?"
we are often most cruel and unforgiving to ourselves. something i often like to do is pretend that someone else is telling me what they're thinking about and i'm reacting. if one of your friends came to you saying they felt gross and awful for being bisexual and it made them want to commit suicide, what would you say?
overall i am glad to have been of some help for you tonight. apologies if i'm rambly myself! i really hope you stay strong for a bit longer and that therapy can help you unravel some of the internalized hatred you have unfortunately picked up over your life. just remember that no one is born with hatred in their heart. you can completely remove it from your being and you'll be all the better for it!

>>40114045
thank you for helping me tonigjt too, you have been very kind and i appreciate it a lot :)
> if one of your friends came to you saying they felt gross and awful for being bisexual and it made them want to commit suicide
i see what you mean but what i was saying was that dysphoria as a whole makes me very suicidal, but even then id probably just offer to help in any way i could and say sorry and its just how it is
i have also been to therapy before but its just been weird because almost every time ive gone its been against my will and its sucked and the one time i wanted to do it i didnt click well :/ so heres hoping, also i think a lot of it just comes from being treated like shit by friends often and just not really wanted in social situations and just being very insecure and having a hard time believing people would really want me around lol, but even if i dont get better im ok with just being a statistic or hung up in the camps if any wild shit comes true while im still alive. honestly i think i just wanna be useful and actually wanted in a social situation and a lack of having that has given me an inability to really recognise or internalize it if i am and ive just convinced myself to accept my self hate for some bullshit reasons about being a better person and a better artist that i know are bullshit but are easier to just internalise than to adopt a new healthier mindset. either way, shit happens i suppose and i guess i have to see whether my life has a lot or a little left in store for me. maybe ill finally be able to grapple with my own identity or ill die without that in my grasp, along with many other things. in any case, thank you for letting me ramble to you :)

>>40114214
well i won't tell you what to do or what to think, because you are your own person. i hope i've given you some things to think about tonight though. i know i often struggle with this strange sensation that my life is already "over" so to speak, that there's nothing left for me to really do or new things for me to learn or experience. but really, looking at who i was 5 years ago vs. who i am now... i'm like a whole different person! who knows what the future may bring for you, but i hope you live long enough to see it. thank you for talking with me tonight, i think i may have to sleep soon cuz i got crap to do tomorrow but i hope to see you around. i think you have the tools right now to help your situation and i think you have insight into what you need to do, and that means you're already on the right track in my eyes.

>>40114249
have a good night anon, and thank you again for listening and having a nice talk :) i hope to see you around too

>>40113573 (OP)
get off this site, go find stuff irl that makes you happy, make a tumblr account, get really into a series. become normal.

>>40113692
Look how much you are helping this faggot and if I said I hated trannies and in cis you would want me dead. Hate comes from logic
No irrational person is hateful

>>40113573 (OP)
trans identities are often a product of self-hatred. have you considered that transitioning might just be a way to self harm and escape your underlying issues?

the idea that males can become women has always been on shaky ground logically. the only reason it makes sense to you is due to motivated reasoning.

if you can accept that you aren't actually a woman and still want to live as a trans woman, go ahead. but why do this to yourself if you don't have to?