i'm a tranny who's ideal partners are either:
>a man who looks a little like my dad that will beat me up and use me for extremely one-sided underwhelming sex. the kind of sex that covers me in cuts and bruises but never makes me cum.
or
>a girl who reminds me of myself that will lie in bed with me fully clothed and we like pinch eachother until we both start crying and then hold eachother and until we stop crying. and basically we grow old together doing this but never make eye contact.
what sexuality is this? bi?

>>40128134
it didn't work. or well. it didn't change anything in the above post.
it helped with other things i suppose.

>>40128134

Saved.

>>40128126 (OP)

If there is no sexual attraction It's not bi. Doesn't sound like that has anything to do with your sexual attraction, even while one example is of having sex. You have to seek something for sexually arousing reasons for it to be apart of your sexuality.

i would like to have extremely hetereonormative bad sex with men but marry my annihilation doppelganger essentially.

>>40128147
>If there is no sexual attraction It's not bi.
that's a good point and i've been thinking about this. i don't think i feel that? like sexual attraction? i have a sex drive but it feels biological not like a part of me and masturbation solves it. like having to pee then peeing. i never had crushes on people growing up. i can tell when someone is or is not attractive but i don't ever feel "attracted" physically or otherwise.
sex feels like i'm crossing off some sort of societal to-do, it confirms my place in a hierarchy.
what does that mean? can i be ace and still have a sex drive? how does that work?
am i just traumatized is this just sexual trauma and there's no answer for me here but to fix it?

the guy can be violent to me but he can never say anything mean to me nor anything too nice. both will make me start crying. gender affirming but ultimately demeaning comments like "you're a good slut" only.
the woman has to have the same problem i have so we can look each other in the eyes and say things like "people care about you" and "you deserve to be happy" to each other until we both break down ugly crying because neither of us can internalize it
then we put like cigarette butts out on eachothers legs or whatever

what am iiiii

>>40128201

>can i be ace and still have a sex drive?
Depends on what you think about when you masturbate. I'm not asking for oerverted reasons lol.

>>40128667
retarded

>>40128708
what i posted. basically. its either the thought of a man having his way with me or something more akin to endless foreplay with a woman.
i guess more often the woman during masturbation but in real life i've only ever had sex with men.

>>40128126 (OP)
real women hate you, you female child sex abuse fetishizing moid

>>40128126 (OP)
>what sexuality is this?

agp and narcissism and viewing women as sex objects you/ve projected yourself on to the point the woman cannot have her own being separate from you if she exists at all

>>40130399
4chan not call everything agp challenge FAILED

>>40128126 (OP)
I think you either

A) want someone to hurt you in a way that feels "valid" (being physically abused in a tangible way)

B) want someone to cry with and hold tightly and mutually comfort each other through truama

I dont really think its sexual i think you just need therapy.... so yeah >>40128134

>>40130438
so i'm doing it wrong if i think i'm going to find another girl who's into the whole mutual sadomasochism thing and that's not going to be what i've been missing in life. because i do i want to be hurt and then coddled after, i would like to hurt myself too and could funnel that into another person who felt like me and we could hurt eachother. and then coddle eachother.
should i just not look for a partner? until i'm different or whatever? fixed? then what i'll want something totally new i guess? or just like a normal husband or something?

idk. i guess it's bad.
i just got like hit as a kid or whatever never hugged or whatever. so it's probably bad to try and recreate that in any capacity i suppose.

>>40130574
it can be comforting to recreate that experience in a safer context with someone who genuinely loves you and you trust i think. my issue is rushing right to that place without getting to know the person first and it's such a gamble and you risk making things worse w that methodology. just be careful and choose people you think have your best interest at heart. alas nothing is permanent except change so i don't know if i believe in forever anymore, but until i die and my consciousness fades seems like a lofty but manageable goal

>>40130574
I mean trauma does give people kinks. It could be that.

The reason why most mtfs have a puppy play kink is usually trauma related (constant feeling that only value is via intelligence and instead liking to be praised for being dumb and cute)

Wanting to be hurt and then coddled after seems fairly normal in consensual bdsm desu.

>>40130755
well i'm not really rushing into anything since this is all hypothetical i'm just thinking about things recently. sorta realizing i don't really feel about sex the way i've maybe been thinking i have and that's why i've never been able to lock myself down in any sexuality.
>>40131053
that's true i guess. maybe that's why i find it easier to be with men. that just manifests as a pretty normal dominant male/submissive female relationship with some hitting/choking etc. like it's all heteronormative and fairly vanilla really if i ignore that i'm never able to cum from the sex and whatever.
i guess i do think i'm a little confused because i've been thinking about whether gender really matters all that much to me for finding a partner and i'm realizing i think it doesn't and when i go down the rabbit hole of what if i was with a woman i realize i could do away with the dom/sub thing and traditional penis-in-hole sex and all that and be just as happy maybe happier?
then what does that mean about the rest of it? am i just performing heterosexual sex because i think i have to? i'm not sure i even like it. i like that it can hurt, and that foreplay can involve hurting and i like that most of the time we cuddle after. but i think i pay for that by letting him put his dick in places in a way that, i'm not saying has been non consensual in any way but is like... i could do without it?

idk i haven't been able to turn any of my relationships into something serious for a long time and i'm starting to wonder if i'm looking for the right thing and that's putting me in a bit of a crisis about what i even want

>>40129239

Then you do feel sexual attraction towards men and women and you aren't ace just bi. You just have specific kinks.

>>40128126 (OP)
alr. im a fairly buff guy with a beard and a good bit of body hair. are u pretty or nah

>>40131654
i would say nah but
>>40131639
that's makes sense. i guess if you think about sex as like two people trying to achieve one or more orgasms i would be willing to help jerk a guy off or bully a girl with a wand if my partner gets worked up enough. it's just not really what i'm there for. but the foreplay is still part of it, still sex.