What are some of your earliest memories of gender dysphoria / wanting to be the opposite gender? How old were you?

stories welcome

>>40138266 (OP)
i was 13 when i tried on my moms bra, she even caught me T_T

anyways im 19 now and tall asf so im gonna keep repping

it wasn't that I thought like this, I just couldn't tell a difference between myself and women, as I had mostly female friends for a long time
I used to wear my mom's heels, boots and my mom didn't mind that at all apparently lol
in the end though, testosterone completely destroyed my body. I'm a manmoder, ever since I started transitioning i have never, ever been taken for a woman by anyone
it doesn't matter whether or not you're trutrans, all that matters is whether you can pass or not

>>40138300
im sorry :(

I didn't want to be the opposite gender but since as a kid I didn't relate much to to other boys and wanted to wear girls clothes, then puberty happened and I hated every change to my body, I'm unironically AGP since I was a kid

>>40138266 (OP)
When I was about 13-14, but looking back, there were signs early on.

>>40138266 (OP)
when I was like 5-6 I used to take naps in my parents room because they had the big comfy bed and I remember one time I put some of my mother's clothes on and fell asleep in them and it made me feel so safe and happy. I took them off before anyone saw but it's pretty much been downhill from there.

>>40138313
there's no point

>>40138266 (OP)
at 5 my mom used to send me to school in tights because they were easier to deal with than individual socks, I knew they were girly, I didn't mind, all my friends were girls anyway. I eventually was like "so what's the rest of the outfit like?" and tried my sister's clothes on for a tea-party she was having, it was alright desu, I felt really cool.

>>40138266 (OP)
as best i can remember, 6 years old/first grade. the specific one i remember is around thanksgiving time, we were doing some first thanksgiving activity and part of it was making native headdresses and coming up with native american names, and i gave myself something like “wolf princess”. my parents were not happy, and i think it was partially them saying something about how i can’t keep doing that, so i might’ve told them about wanting to be a girl before that. i also remember somewhere around that time saying i wanted to be a girl, they asked me how i planned to do that, and i said a sex change.

>be me 11
>Puberty hits
>boobs start growing
>Refuse to wear bra
>permanently damage posture by always hunching over so nobody can see my pointy tits
>get period
>mom finds bathing suit with brown spots and tries to buy me pads
>tell her I had diarrhea it's not my period
>hide that I have my period for 3 years by stuffing toilet paper in my pants
>Stain my underwear a lot
>carry stained underwear with me until I'm in a public place
>bury them in the trash
>have to go swimming at summer camp
>wear underwear under my swimsuit so the toilet paper period protection won't fall out
>"Anon are you wearing underwear under your swimsuit?"
>Get made fun of

>>40138266 (OP)
when i was 4 i put on my mom's underwear and ran up to my dad saying "it's ok for me to be a girl, right?" and he said "uh, sure. i experimented too, when i was your age." and then i repped (like him) for another 20 years

>>40138266 (OP)
In elementary school my guy friends would make fun of me for being an effeminate weak dork who cried a lot and I secretly liked it. When I went to middle school I saw other kids start to hit puberty and suddenly started to fear growing up a lot.

>>40138266 (OP)
i just want to say i had a diap fetish when i was like ten. i was at my old babysitters house, and spending the night, and that was new, usually i was only there for the day and i saw on the top shelf of the bedroom a box of diapers and i climbed up and got one and was immediately caught after trying it on lol.
i thought diapers were hot until i was like 20 i think so i can't hate all the megas about it
i did grow out of that though.
i wanted to be a girl from like age three though. but i absorbed the culture around me that it was shameful so i hid that.
i just found out today that the friends actress who played chandlers dad was a woman.
when i was a little kid and watching, the show portrayed her as a man, so that's how i internalized the character and saw the disgust the show gave the character, i knew i didn't want to be that.
i feel like i've been torn apart by the culture i was born into.
it makes me introspective and reserved

>>40138266 (OP)
I was 12 when I tried my mom's bra, never got caught, nobody never even suspected I did this kind of shit for years, at first I used to stuff the bra, then sometime later I started to try underwear, eventually I stopped trying clothing and used makeup instead, felt really nice and it's through makeup I made the decision to transition, from time to time I'd also get unbearable body hair dysphoria and I'd try to shave it all off.
People thought I was gay though, but I don't think I like men, at all.

>2nd grade
>Walking down a hallway to lunch or recess with my class, some kid behind me is either talking about me or trying to talk to me, referring yo me by name
>Freak out a little, almost correct him, but stop and realize that's insane. At that time I was aware that I didn't like being called by my name because it was female, but I didn't understand why and didn't think about it.
>Try to hide the fact that I'm a girl in art projects in school
>Middle school
>Unfamiliar with trannies, but I larp on the internet as male.
>Sex ed comes around, only view the female videos. Convince myself it's not going to happen to me, but it will for everyone else
>Puberty
>Refuse to wear a bra for years
>Instead, wear layers of shirts and hoodies and slouch in central Texas weather.
>Never talk about my period with my mother. Only use toilet paper. I actually don't know when this changed. Didn't use tampons until my late teens.
>Every birthday wish is to be a boy. Pick dandelions and wish I was a boy. Wish on stars. Etc.
>Really into boobs, but never attempt to get with girls because that means I'm a lesbian (female) - but if I hang around guys, maybe I'll be taken as one. (lol)
>Google "Why do I want to be a boy"
>Theyfab in my rural ass school pushes me out and tells everyone to call me a boy
>Staff hates me, students hate me
>Works out anyway, only repress for like a year when every single person in my life was telling me I was crazy.

>>40138300
so real. just having long hair got me gendered female until i was like 15. and i had no idea what a massive coping mechanism that had turned into for me, until puberty hit and suddenly the girls saw me as a "hot guy" and i saw myself as gregor samsa

>>40138266 (OP)
idk when I was seven or eight I really wanted a bracelet like picrel but my aunt told me it's only for girls. i also wore a necklace with a blue glass dolphin and girl's glasses at the time.

>>40138266 (OP)
i never wanted to be a woman, i just hated the shit out of my body for my entire life.
throughout my adolescence, i wanted to be more feminine, but i never thought i wanted to be a woman.
the earliest i could think of pointing to being trans is being called a girl as an insult when i was 9 or so and being happy about it.

>>40138702
>"But there weren't any signs you were transgender!"

>>40138293
STOP REPPING

I'm taller than you and trooning out (6'5 17). I'm never gonna pass. But being a twinkhon is a whole lot better than balding. Since starting hrt my body hair has gotten thinner, my skin is softer, and most of all I finally feel things. Its much better than before. So stop repping before you either john50 into a gigahon later or die of alchoholism.

>>40138266 (OP)
Do this day, I have never had any dysphoria...but I stated wearing panties for sexual titilation at 9yrs old.

>>40138293
>be me
>19 y/o repper (in 2014)
>fucking myself with vibrator while wearing bra and panties i bought from walmart
>my mom throws open my door holding the landline (we used to have these) and says "hey honey your friend"--
>abesimpson.gif
>"hey sorry collin [nona] is busy right now but i can have [her] call you back..."
>we have never spoken about it, to this day
just be glad you were only wearing a bra lol

>>40138266 (OP)
When I realised I wanted to be the boyfriend of my female friend as a 7 year old, and when female puberty made me feel like I was mutating into an abomination. Also being treated like garbage as a naturally masculine female child that was visible dykeish from the very beginning.

>>40138749
> die of alchoholism
veeery real risk!
t. 10+ years repper

>>40138266 (OP)
I think I literally always wanted to be a girl from the moment that I was able to understand what those words mean, but i didn't think about it too much when i was really little because it was just like a distant fantasy. i wasn't introspective or intelligent enough as a small child to have that developed of an identity i think, i thought it would be really nice and fun and i'd be so much happier if i magically turned into a girl, but i didn't think about it every day. it wasn't until probably the start of middle school or a little before that it started to actually bother me and become important to me and become something i thought more about. especially when puberty started. growing body hair especially was so viscerally disgusting to me from the moment it started, i was horrified, it felt like body horror. it still does. i think the first time i understood what a trans person was and that i had the same disease was when i was 13 years old, but I repped until I was 19 because of catholic guilt and a bigoted family and just seeing how society treated trans people and not wanting that for myself. I thought it would be easier to kill myself then to live as a trans woman, i spent my entire adolescence suicidal, sneaking out of my house at 3 in the morning taking walks downtown hoping to get murdered or raped, lurking on the roofs of parking decks and dangling my feet over the edge trying to push myself to jump. I never did. When I eventually realized (way too late) that I was too much of a coward to go through with killing myself I started transitioning immediately (at 19).

engaged in mlp roleplay in chatrooms in middle school then larped as a woman on pokemon showdown so much i broke down and refused to ever use the site again and shamed myself out of my girly interests and coped by getting into filthy frank. but the whole time i was unhealthily obsessed with vriska serket so ya know pretty classic tale

>>40138749
>finally feel things
it's truly amazing, isn't it? i remember when puberty started to get me at 13 and i consciously thought, "why can i only feel anger, and boredom? what happened to all my other emotions?" taking e literally made me feel like a human being again

>>40138266 (OP)
Love this movie lol

I realized I wanted to be a woman around 13-14, I think it was when I was doing a brain study for money (very simple, just do an mri and answer some questions) and I kept thinking "what if they scan me and I have a womans brain? what would I do?". looking back I felt weird about my name and body since 4-5, amd ive been heavily dissociative since then too. but during puberty it got worse. too bad my dense faketrans ass only connected the dots at 15 and then I repped till 17.

>>40138800
seriously. I can finally cry now. I've taken to crying about being unable to get pregnant, which is something that has made me sad since age 12 but not something I'd been able to express until now lol

>>40138745
Tbhon I never got that treatment, as I was always quite masculine. My mother asked why I couldn't just be gay (Not that she liked gay people) when I told her.
Coming to terms with being trans at a young age in (current time period) was absolutely humiliating though. There's so many things I wish I could have taken back. My family life was already fucked up and the housing situation was drastically changing, and my dad would ask me to explain in detail what being a tranny is to me, what my deal was etc, to /justify/ being trans.
If I could have just said "I want to be a boy" and left it at that it would have been fine. But it was never enough, I mean nothing would ever convince a parent to let their 10 year old kid take cross sex hormones. So I had to rationalize the feelings I had that were completely irrational, try to convince him that my plight was legitimate. It was so embarrassing, he would try to talk about politics with me too. It took him years and years to come around, but not before he called me a pathological liar for wanting to live as male.
We're close now.
I don't know if it would have been better to be left in the dark. Got to troon out sooner, but being aware you're trans at such a young age is a massive humiliation ritual.

>>40138749
IDK IF IM REALLY TRANS OKAY

>>40138266 (OP)
i remember when i was pretty young being super convinced that some doctors must have sewed up my vagina at birth and attached a penis for reason. i never quite had an explanation for why that would be other than just i felt very deeply that it must have been true

>>40138266 (OP)
>>40138785
this is not my earliest memory of wanting to be a girl, but, my earliest sexual memories...

When I got to the age where i was starting to have what I'd later come to understand as sexual thoughts (at like, 10? 11? honestly maybe 9?), I'd always have the same kinds of fantasies.
As a 10 year old child, who had never seen porn, who had never been abused, who would never have had any kind of introduction to these kinds of ideas, I would have fantasies about being kidnapped/abducted by an adult (it could be a man or a woman, but usually I'd imagine a woman), being forced to be a girl (forced into dresses, restrained and put into wigs and makeup, given a girl name, that kinda thing), and being violently either raped or molested. in my fantasies my abuser always loved me and cherished me and thought i was adorable and could tell that deep down i really wanted these things, and that they were just doing "what was best for me". I don't know where it came from...
I would literally lie in bed for hours just getting lost in elaborate fantasies of basically being a child sex slave. I wouldn't even be touching myself. I'd think of my abuser almost as a new, better parent, who took care of me and loved me so much and made me so happy, but who also had no respect for my autonomy and humiliated me and teased me and violated my consent constantly.
(1/2)

>>40138951
i had the exact same, I fantasized about all manner of scenarios in which I was kidnapped or experimented on and forced to be a girl by like a mad scientist or whatever a million different scenarios starting at the exact same age. they helped me go to sleep at night

>>40138951
My fantasies wouldn't just be about isolated incidents, they'd stretch months or even years of me basically imagining a whole new life. I would be their "daughter", and that's who they would tell everyone that I was. They'd drill it into my head too. I'd be forced to grow my hair out, and have them style it for me, and then eventually being taught how to style it for myself. Only ever being allowed to wear girl's clothes. Being paraded around in public in excessively feminine outfits, being sent to a new school where everyone only knew me as a girl, having new friends, having my owner be the only person who knew what I was before, but they fixed me and made me into something better. Eventually we'd get married once I turned 18. It was all very elaborate...

Whenever I thought about anything remotely sexual, that was what I thought about. The most important things in my fantasies were always that:
1. I was a girl (treated as a girl/becoming a girl/ made into a girl/ etc.)
and 2. It wasn't "my fault" (things were always done to me without my permission and i was always innocent... even if i enjoyed it...)
I never had any remotely "ordinary" sexual interests, at least not for a boy. sometimes I'd hear the "other boys" my age talk about sex, and just be so distraught and confused by the things they were into. I remember being asked whether I preferred "tits or ass" (common playground discussion for middle school boys I guess) and just being so both disgusted and genuinely baffled. When kids my age started thinking about getting blowjobs from girls I started thinking about giving blowjobs to adults. I can't even describe how horrified I was by myself. I had no idea where all these thoughts and feelings came from and I still kind of don't. I thought I was a monster. I hated myself so much, but it didn't make me want these things any less, in fact the more i hated myself the more desperately I wanted them...

Did this happen to anyone else?
(2/2)

>>40139091
>>40138951
I think most "repressed abuse" is kind of bs, it's such a nebulous concept that you can't really prove anything. But something happened to you man what the fuck.
At what age did you stop having these fantasies?

>>40139091
I was always terrified that it made me "fake trans" and "not a real girl" to want these things, because I'd hear the things people said online about trans being "just a fetish" and "agp" and everything like that. and that was so upsetting to me. because i desperately wanted to be a real girl...

as a grown up now looking back on it, i think it was just my way of coping with desires I was ashamed of. If I was "forced" to do these things then I couldn't be blamed for them, i couldn't be judged for them, and it didn't matter if i secretly loved it because that wasn't something i could help. it was like all my fantasies centered around absolving myself from blame and giving me permission to do / be all these things i desperately wanted. The violent pedophiles I'd imagine being with would, bizarrely, in between sessions of raping / beating / doing whatever else to me, would also be extremely gentle and nurturing and encouraging...
telling me that it was okay to want these things, telling me that there was nothing wrong with me, telling me that I was a real girl, that I was beautiful and cute and sweet and innocent, that I made them happy, that they'd take care of me forever...
and those were always my favorite parts of my fantasies...

>>40139160
(3/2)

>>40139144
please don't call me man I am a trans girl now :(

>At what age did you stop having these fantasies?
I, um, didn't...
:(

now i'm an adult and i transitioned by myself so it's a little different now, but, i still think about being kidnapped, i still think about being abused, i still think about being "owned" by someone...
I didn't ever really move past it. I didn't ever even start watching porn, to this day i still never have. sometimes i read stories on the internet about similar kinds of ideas, but i usually just use my imagination. i don't think there's been a day I haven't thought about it since I was 13 at least. It's like an intrusive thought.

i'm more ashamed of it than anything else in the whole world. but i don't know how to make it go away. eventually i gave up trying. It's an awful thing to say, and I'm sure it isn't true, but sometimes I have the thought that it's "what I was made for"...

i'm in grade 1 and we're moving out of our old apartment
i'm staring down the hallway, we have some of our furniture laid out in the central hall space where 3 halls of the floor extend from
our apartment was straight ahead at the end of the hall with 4 bedrooms, the other two are diagonal starting to my left and right
my brothers racecar bed is in pieces there, waiting to be brought down to the movers truck
i've been to the youth hospital for my brother for weeks at a time this year because he has had surgery on his leg do to malformed development
he's disabled but i dont really get the full extent of what that means yet
however, i know one thing is more real than all other things
i dont feel comfortable with my genitals
i dont even really understand what my genitals are yet and wont learn about this topic in depth until grade 4 when my parents sign off on early sex-ed forms
but in that hallway, i stare down at the door past the red plastic bedframe and think to myself
>i wonder if they did surgery on me to make me a boy
>i feel more like chantel and i like when we're playing more than when i play with gary
this is the beginning of my living with gender dysphoria
its innocent at this time but by grade 5 i will begin to self harm and hate myself

>>40139144
I've had several, unrelated distinct people in my life at several different points in time: ask me if i've ever been sexually abused, speculate on the possibility of me having been sexually abused, or insinuate that they suspect I was sexually abused, just in response to my personality. Not based off the things I wrote in this thread mind you, I've never told anyone I know about that, just based off of how I act and my body language I guess... The amount of times it's happened is truly shocking to me, I'd say maybe like once a year someone else makes some kind of comment about it. It makes me upset so I won't answer when people ask, and I'll change the subject or go quiet when it's brought up. I don't think it's an appropriate thing for people irl to accuse you of based off nothing. People say i apologize too much.

It's happened enough times that it's started to make me wonder if I'm crazy... I feel like I'm being gaslit. But I genuinely don't remember ever being abused at all. I don't remember anything remotely like that. I don't have any reason to think that it's the case besides the shocking amount of times people have asked me about it.

>>40138266 (OP)
I remeber having gender envy very young like 4 - 6. The biggest one of these was sam from icarly.

I was so embarassed of watching what i viewed as a "girls show" such as icarly i would only watch it at my grandmothers house when nobody else was around.

I conflated this want to be a girl with sexual attraction and as such saw it as immoral. This attitude persisted until i was a teenager and my egg cracked.

>>40138266 (OP)
My memory isn’t very good and I don’t have many early childhood memories, but my earliest memory is of sneaking to my mom’s closet to wear her heels when I was like 5 or 6. I would do this as often as I could and stopped once I got caught. I’d also go into her purse and put on her lip gloss whenever I could, and for some reason I was okay with being caught doing that.

There was one Halloween some time in middle school where my older brother dressed up as a girl, and I remember being obsessed with the idea of using Halloween as an excuse to dress as a girl. Never actually did it though.

When we did the unit on chromosomal disorders in biology class, I became obsessed with the idea that I could have Kleinfelter’s syndrome. And whenever I showered I would check for breast growth and hip widening, which never happened.

>>40139209
Hi anon i am a lurker who never posts but i want to lyk i did a similar thing since youth. For me it had nothing to do w forcefem but the abuse was there etc. like i would elaborately fantasize about being held in a cage or basement and r**ed and i still have these thoughts and i hate myself for them too and feel like i can’t enjoy actual irl sex the normal way either + i did watch porn (years after the fantasies started) and i feel like that only made it worse w the self hate so youre lucky in that regard.

I dont know why i was fantasizing about nonconsent since my sexual awakening as my literal only “fetish”. I do not believe i was abused. All i could attribute it to was my parents hating each other and that being my only relationship model. And critically low self worth causing me to associate “pain to myself” as a comforting, good thing.

Sorry that I’m blogposting on your post but what you said really resonated with me strongly. Thank you for being so open. I have always wanted to seek therapy for this but i don’t feel like i could talk about it irl. I still can’t even write about it in my diary, it’s what I’m most ashamed of in the world i think. I always hope and pray and honestly beg god to help me no longer have this “fantasy” because i think it’s unhealthy and harmful. I hope to someday try ayahuasca with the intent of curing it.

I’ve decided to repress further
I was a fool to think I was a woman or trans
Clearly I have nothing in common
Thanks guys

>>40139801
are you the op? You have to tell us why you are questioning, what makes you think you might have dysphoria / want to transition?

>>40138266 (OP)
I thought this movie sucked, but I do remember having a cis female friend growing up that I felt comfortable crossdressing around. There is some kind of unexplored childhood trope of the secret cis f confidant. Very very old painful memories. I remember once both of us lying to our parents so we could take a trip to the mall and go to hot topic to buy girls clothes. Later in highschool the social divide between us became too great and she outgrew me.

>>40139638
There's no need to apologize, I was blogposting too, and I found what you said really interesting and it made me feel less alone... Thankyou for sharing too.

my parents hated eachother too, and I also had critically low self worth. maybe that's a common factor...

I've still never told anyone I actually know, but I have written about it extensively in my diary and also here I am posting about it anonymously...

I'm happy that someone out these understands and that we were able to share this. although i'm more sad that you've had to deal with it too...

>>40139964
they are not op. i'm op. that said,
>>40139801
i am sorry my thread has made you feel this way... :(

for me, it was when i was 12 years and i saw this

>>40140355
Stuff like this brings out the closet gooner in me. How shameful.

im probably faketrans because ive never actively wished to be a girl until like 16 and before that its always been a hatred and fear of becoming large and masculine and a vague desire for the opposite but heres every "trans" memory i have
>around 5 y/o, i vividly remember hating dress shirts and pants to church and wishing so badly i could wear dresses instead. for whatever reason, as soon as i had this thought i realized i could never ever tell my parents about it
>when i was 9, my avatar in a flash mmo i liked to play was feminine so lots of people assumed i was a girl. i went along with this and really enjoyed doing it
>at 10 i made real female friends for the first time (associating with the opposite gender was frowned upon in my religious upbringing). after 1 year of being friends with them i never saw them again, but i still liked them better as friends than the male ones ive known since i was a toddler
>around 14, crippling fear of puberty is setting in and i realize everything is wrong and i dont know why. my dumbass decides its because religion so i become an atheist and dont question it for a bit
>feel insanely awful still and then at 16 realize what trans people actually are (previously thought they were a variant of gay people which are icky) and months later realize i am one
>repress until 19 when i started desperately finding a way to diy, dont start until a couple months before 20
:)))))))))))) i will never be a woman

>>40140355
>>40140433
how do you find this image attractive or stimulating at all… it’s just gross and weird

>>40139964
It’s sexual agp
If any pity was meant in some way I deserve none(ignore me if I’m wrong)
I had various levels “girl” in me for a long time but honestly it’s all fake examples, they prove nothing, and the continues truth of daily life has been entirely male. Sexuality wackiness abd agp aside there is no real dysphoria. Wanting to be a girl in your adult life cayse it’s hot and to feel special isn’t dysphoria.
Bottom line is this. There is no real apt dydphoria. The idea I could have it is there but not really.
I might ghost everyone. Detransition and live a normal life.
I’m not queer or trans or a woman.
Just a man
It’s nothing else but porn, vague forgotten memories o can’t recall and fakeness
My dysphoria is fake. I don’t have a story to tell
If there was an earliest memory it’s done agp bs
I’m sorry , can’t remember
Looking for attention agsin, typing words.
>>40140127

>>40140355
Yep might as well be

>>40140518
Nothing about your story seems faketrans to me… it seems like you subconsciously repressed due to religion a lot until it was unbearable. If youre more comfortable now on hrt i feel like that’s evidence enough you’re “trutrans”

>>40138266 (OP)
I was very jealous of a particular girl in my class in 3rd or 4th grade because of her long hair and I wanted hair like that.
Compulsively crossdressing since idk 8,9,10. Basically any chance I could get even if it was just a few minutes. I would pretend to be asleep at night until everyone else was asleep and then sneak around all while listening very carefully for anyone to wake up. I was caught several times but continued anyway. I was raised by a single mom who would take me shopping with her and make me wait outside while she changed and then rate her outfits. Also some of my earliest masturbations were uh penetrative, I had a favorite cherished toy for that too. Most of my earliest sexual fantasies involved being held down, later they evolved to being bullied by a group and "forced" to be with a man. This was pre-internet.

>>40138266 (OP)
I was a happy child right until puberty started, so my first tranny memory was gender euphoria instead of dysphoria. Back when I was 6, parents bought me a boys' winter jacket because it was cheap. Mom took me to a park one day and there was of a coworker of hers with a son my age.
He asked
>are you a boy or girl?
and my heart skipped a beat. I was all,
>yes, i'm a b-
but then mom said
>haha she's a girl
and I was crushed.

>>40140600
I secretly am obsessed with puffy donut shaped assholes

kids at recess would frequently mistake me for a boy. I took much pride in this when I was 6.

once my mother commented on my boob growth and I wanted to tear my skin off. any comment about bras made me hate everything. I was also terrified of getting my period. like 24/7 dread

>>40140518
obviously not faketrans literally nothing in your story would suggest it

>>40138266 (OP)
my earliest memories were on the swing set wondering why i was different to other kids
then
i was 5 years old poking my genitalia inside out wishing it was like my mom's
i was 12 years old trying on my mom's bra and getting caught and laughed at by my entire family
i was 14 years old and getting told by my adult child molestor brother to man up because i'd make an "ugly girl"
i was 16 years old talking to 4chan about how i'm a tranny and gonna rope because ngmi
i was 20 years old and drinking myself blackout every few days hoping the thoughts went away
i was 28 years old when broke down and went informed consent
i'm now a 30 year old manmoder gigahon on hrt.

>>40140518
>>40141362
well maybe not that faketrans but compared to all of the stories i see from others it feels like im faking it. the main thing that gets me is extreme lack of female socialization that i feel like ill never be able to make up for.
also other reasons i can think of for being faketrans is daddy issues, mild porn addiction while i was repping, and jerking off one time when i wore my sisters clothes (felt horrible after and never crossdressed again)

>>40138266 (OP)
looking at girls in school and envying that they get to be girls while i get to be a boy, and fantasizing about being a girl and having girl friends

>>40141736
REAL

I wonder if it’s selection bias who answers this thread bc i see no rogd people

>>40142913
that's because rogd literally does not exist

>>40142913
You poor fucking retard.

>>40142944
Whyyyyyy

>>40142975
ROGD is not a thing. It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility to develop a crossdressing fetish and take it too far, but Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria does not happen.

>>40142913
i am rogd kinda because i didnt become a tranny until finding out what trannies are hope that counts

>>40138266 (OP)
kindergarten/early elementary school (about 4-7 yo when socialization with others start)
suddenly being told I wasn't able to do some things because they were "for girls"
Getting along with girls more than with boys, too
I remember when we had sex ED when we were around 9 or 10, and they gave us a preemptive course on puberty and what changes to expect (mainly directed towards menstruation than anything)
I knew that my puberty was gonna be different, and it was a fucking low blow, from which I haven't recovered yet. I always waited and waited for my breasts to develop and whatnot, even though I knew that logically that wouldn't happen (I didn't learn about trannies or HRT until I was in my 20s)
I knew about crossdressers and drag queens, but that wasn't it, because those were just putting on a "woman costume" rather than turning themselves into women full time
So yeah, it started pretty early for me, if I knew HRT was a thing, or that trannies existed, I would've been a youngshit too, but alas, just my luck, not something possible for a kid in the 90s, in the part of the world where I grew up

>>40141618
>my adult child molestor brother
I'm sorry what?

>>40138266 (OP)
When I was a small child (maybe 6, this is very approximate) I thought that I might have been born male but switched to female in the hospital as a baby. This was without any prior knowledge of surgeries like that existing.

probably like 9 or something

i used to watch alot of TV and movies with my sisters,
27 dresses, 50 days of summer, keeping up with the Kardashains, project runway, and more.

There was this show on cartoon network called
my life as a teenage robot and I always wanted to be like Jenny.

But I lived in a christian household so I couldnt transition or even knew of hormones all through my teen years.

I feel like that was normal because internet wasn't so accessible or cheap to look up information and DIY

>>40142913
ROGD is not real, it's some BS crafted by cis people's POV of transgender relatives, obviously you'll not know your son uses a bra when literally not a single soul is around that could catch him in the act, for fuck's sake, it's kinda really fucking obvious isn't it?

>>40142913
You'll only know a close one is transgender, if
>There are signs of gender non-conforming behavior (not 100% certain because lesbians and gays can be very GNC)
>You catch your close one doing something that is GNC, usually in secret or privately
>They tell you they're transgender directly or have come out as trans
Sometimes it can be all of these three things, sometimes it's just one, it seems cis people think the first one is the most definitive one that makes someone transgender, but it's not true, there aren't always "signs", and if there are, it might not mean anything relating with gender identity, but with sexuality instead, and maybe not even that, there are cisgender straight crossdressers and there are cisgender straight masculine women.

>>40138266 (OP)
I was a little kid, and parents would joke that they thought I was gonna be born a girl. They told it like it was the funniest story and how happy my dad was when I came out a boy. I always wondered why or what happened and if that's why I felt different or why I liked boys

I was agp since I was a bady, I think being a girl kinda became a safe space from my kinda bad childhood

My first experience with AGP was when I was 8-9 and saw the Fairly OddParents episode where Timmy gets transformed into a girl
Before then the only memory I have was being obsessed with my mom's makeup and trying to put it once and being caught, I was 5-6, but I don't remember if it was motivated by AGP or if I only developed it later on

>>40144938
Damn im jelly because them thinking youre a woman in utero means you have a female soul. Did this birth story make coming out easier or harder?

>>40145130
Made me rep harder. Like something happened and this was just what I have to deal with now whether I like it or not.
Of course later it turned into, WE NEVER SAID THAT!!!

>>40138266 (OP)

When i was about 8 or 9 I was reading "the hobbit" as one of my first real books. It started out with my dad reading parts to me but then i started reading it myself. I became captivated with the descriptions of the elves and how androgynous they were, it was like suddenly realizing I didn't have to be the typical manly man, I could be this feminine thing called an elf. Later, when I was 9, the first LOTR movie came out and I saw the elves on the big screen, I got excited and started trying to grow my hair out and act feminine. This did not go down well at all and my parents started getting pissed off.

By the time i was 11 I was fantasizing about magical girl transformations and making my own pop star outfits, first guy I was attracted to was a voy at summer camp.

Age 12 I found out what transsexualism was and was like holy shit that's me.

>>40138266 (OP)
What is this picture?
Transition from negro to Chris from Mr. Beast?

i had a dream when i was 4 where i was growing really tall while wearing a dress and the next day i tried to put on one of my sister's dresses. from that point forward i never stopped trying to wear girls' clothes.

>>40138266 (OP)
when i was 14 i got the first hair on my face, stole my dads razor and shaved inexpertly until half my face was a bloody mess
realized at 17 (i was a retard and assumed the body horror was normal), repped for a bit over a year before trooning out a year back at 19

>>40144023
oh when I was born he was already 18 years old. And he molested 2 kids including me when i was young and did some other terrible stuff

>>40138457
for some reason this one specifically makes my heart break

>love men
>men love women
>i can become a woman
>"wow!"
tbut it took a long time to actually start and i am just a deformed soft gay man

>>40138266 (OP)
I was like 5 or 6.

t. mid-30s repper

i saw slave leia and i felt something deep in my body deeply contract
i've wanted to be someones sexy chained up sex slave pet ever since

>>40138457
Wait did your dad also transition? How do you know hes a repper

one more bump because this thread was really interesting...

i made a facebook account when I was 6 or 7 years old, and i would message friends and play facebook games with them. it was to my horror when i recently found my own messages to my friends similar to 'i wish i was a girl. we should pretend to be girls tomorrow!!!'
before i even knew what a 'trans' was, i would try to use spells from spellsofmagic to turn me into a girl and i'd pray every night to turn into a girl the next day. i also vaguely remember getting chewed out by my bro for picking a girl avatar on miniclip, and crying at the fact that i couldnt be a girl.
i mulled on starting hrt for a long long time before i eventually did when i was 20. but stopped 5 months into my transition because i met my partner and didn't want to ruin things by trooning out. recently have been progressively getting more sad when i see myself. think i'll just bite the bullet and perma-rep; the thought of losing my partner is too much.
thanks for ready my blog post
>t. 23yo repper

>>40152823
nta but ever since i heard someone on this board say repping was genetic it made me look at my family a lot closer especially stories from their childhood and growing up
listening to stories of parents and especially grandparents, they were doing a lot of crazy stuff, but they thought it was all pranks or just boys being boys
no one labelled anything, so it was simultaneously more accepting and less accepting at the same time

took a while for me to realise but i guess there were always signs. i remember playing with my mums high heels when i was a small kid and thought it was fun, but i would only do it when noone else was around, i’m not sure why but i think i always knew that it was something i just wasn’t supposed to show the world.
when i was in primary school i felt disconnected from all the other boys there, but i would still hang around with them since i felt like i was supposed to. i had some girl friends but i felt like i could never really be a part of their groups which made me feel like an alien.
when i started high school i used to cry every day that there was noone i could connect with because i was in an all boys school, i felt so lonely but i never put any thought into why i felt like i couldn’t fit in.
then came puberty and it all just felt wrong but i still had no idea what a trans person was so i misinterpreted my feelings and thought that i was sad that i wasn’t “masculine enough” so i tried deepening my voice and other things which did nothing.
obviously that didn’t work so i fell into a depression and learned that i was trans at 14 from the internet but i had no friends or family i could tell. i was in an all boys catholic school so transition would literally be suicide.
it became unbearable when i was 17 so i ordered DIY E and took that for like 2 months - it helped with the pit of despair i felt but eventually i ran out of money so i went back into heavy disassociation until i was 19 where it became a choice of either transitioning or killing myself. i chose to go back on E and have been for the past 3 years - i’m far from healed but also far from the mental torture i used to be in.

Ya know. For me it was a failed phase. But nevertheless I’m not ashamed to say it happened. There’s something to be said about how desperate a person can get to experience any kind of love or affection or even attention when we feel deprived of it. To stare into the rabbit hole Alice fell down only to look around and realize…..maybe this ain’t it for me. Like nice hole, but wrong one. I’ve spent a lot of time isolated while homeless, so it goes without saying that I was alone, I was more alone than I’d ever been since birth. And I still haven’t recovered from that loneliness. I think I was under the impression that with the change I’d have better chances at love, but without the money for surgeries and mounting mental health issues it was never going to happen, even if I’d stayed the course. I was lured in by my own fantasies and delusions about LOVE. I am grateful I never came across any lover of the opposite sex, I’m great at showing people interest but not so great at letting them down slowly, so me not going down that path saved me from breaking someone else’s heart I think. I wanted to be loved. Cherished. At any cost.

>>40154920
Is there any chance your partner would accept you if you transitioned?

Dysphoria? Idk. I never wanted to be the opposite gender because I genuinely could not conceive the possibility. Not even in a fantasy way. I just was told im a boy, was forced into the role and that was that.
Something inside me knew and always picked girls in games, was fairly feminine until I just felt like I had to suppress it. Again, not consciously. Just gradually I became more genderless in a sense, by abandoning any personal identity. The only gender I experienced was forced on me by haircuts and clothing picked for me and whatnot. But I didnt feel anything from it usually, at worst I felt bad.
I suppose I felt dysphoria around 15 or 16 though, in a way. Idolizing femboy characters and wanting to be them but feeling I would never be cute. Turns out I was cute and capable of so much more. But it took until I was 23 to actually realize it. I also coped through my teens with "im not trans cause trans people know when theyre like 5 or whatever"
Im comfortable with myself now but the void, the depression, it was all so bad for so many years and I had no idea why I felt that way. I just knew every second was torture and that I had absolutely no connection to myself. I would look in a mirror and feel nothing at all. Just empty.

>>40138266 (OP)
since before i can even remember
grew up with a brother, no other girl relatives my age, figured i'd just grow up to be a woman if i really wanted to, wanted to grow up to be a mom just like mine
as soon as i got to kindergarten (like age 2 maybe? its very early here, basically right after maternity leave) and saw other girls my age and realized im not actually a girl and i have to become one instead
next time my parents took me shopping for clothes i threw a tantrum over getting bought boy clothes crying i wanted to be a girl not a boy
i do not have any memories of trying to live as a boy, i was told all this by my parents after the fact

I never really thought about by gender, but when I was 14 I kept having fantasies about wonderful things but by default my brain kept putting me in a girl body, then I got depressed and I felt like a girl when I was curled up in the corner all lonely.

>>40142913
Yeah>>40139801
Same
Im just fake...
No memories of wanting to be a girl, just sexual perversion developed after COCSA...
Only ever started larping as a girl when I was already like 15
I think I have more memories of being dysphoric due to being relativelly effeminate, actually
Idk what I'm doing

>>40138266 (OP)
4 years old probably.
My dad would take me into the men’s toilets when I wasn’t old enough to go by myself in public. When it came time for me to use the women’s on my own though I refused and still wanted to use the men’s bathroom with the other guys.
I also remember being around 6 and one of my male friends ran out of the bathroom with his pants down and that’s when I discovered guys have different parts than girls. I instantly got jealous that he had a penis and I didn’t.
Also always wanted to stand to pee. That just sounds awesome.

>>40158084
>COCSA
Hey me >>40138702 too!
I feel that it altered my perception of sex forever :D
I think you're trutrans no matter what anon

when i was really really young (5 at the oldest) i used to cry about not being a boy and up until i was 9 i was relentless in trying to pee while standing.

>>40142913
I think it is selection bias, its not very exciting to say "I just restricted myself from feminine things until I didn't and now I am much happier" when everyone else here are the truest troons on the face of the earth

>>40139964
Not OP, but in my case I've always been mentally conservative so I always kept myself away from liking girly things, and I only decided to stop doing that earlier this year and it was a wild ride of emotions for me and now transitioning sounds, attractive? The only tranny things I did before this were when I was like 15 and my brain kept putting me in a girl body and I would sometimes draw on my nails or pretend I had tits (you know, as a joke???)

>>40158139
My two cents as a trutrans poster, you also learn to distance yourself from all of the things that might have made you think you weren't trans. Looking back now, I can think of so many different ways I viewed myself as the opposite sex. If you were to ask me a few years ago, I might have said i viewed myself as sexless, or I was traumatized, or I never /really/ was gender nonconforming in any way- I was just quiet, and there were so many ways that I Was just a typical kid.
Everyone starts somewhere. Maybe some people really were cutting off their genitals before they were told what a man or woman was. Most people grow up as they were born. Everyone, even cis people, have hiccups that can be dismissed. You live with what you were given, you try to be happy. As I acknowledge all of my tranny thoughts as a child, I would not say my perception of my sex/gender are even remotely similar to how I view them now.
Being trans is, in the end, a series of decisions. Don't rep!

>>40138266 (OP)
I put feminine clothes on my animal crossing character and felt an excitement I've never felt before. It sounds stupid, but yes animal crossing new leaf made me realize I was trans. This was back in 2019, a really depressing but good year.

>>40158175
Yeah, it doesn't feel like I was born in the wrong body moreso that I was burying something which needed to come out.

>>40156853
My partner: maybe, but there is no way of knowing if any attraction would remain.
The bigger issue is the approval of both of our families. We are both families of church freaks; I imagine it wouldn't be long until they convinced us to split.

social contagion (proven so, as I healed myself)

>>40159786
How did you do it?

The first memory of severe gender dysphoria was probably when I was 15 and I wanted longer hair and my parents forced me to get it cut and i spent the rest of the weekend in my room crying and cutting myself, or a few months before when I tried shaving my legs and they started bleeding and my dad found out.

got jealous that timmy turner got to be a girl but i couldnt, really the only thing i would have wanted

>>40138266 (OP)
random derealization while playing soccer with friends at 8, i for some reason got this strong feeling I wanted to play with barbies and watch winx with some girls in summer school

sadly, all i can do is daydream about that day and doing something about it

>>40163495
> hit by the cia sissy ray when outside one day

>>40155016
I'm not trans but queernes does run through blood. My sister is bisexual and my mother tried talking to her about by saying she also liked women when she was her age but kept that suppressed because she had more important stuff to deal with. I also learned that a very close uncle of mine is a bi chaser like me but he's also a pedophile. Idk what to make of that.

>>40154920
You can't just boymode through the relationship?

>>40158084
We are not the same

Genuinely the most faketrans person ever on earth
Sucks to suck I guess. I wonder if suicide will
Abolish me of sin

>>40163495
Lol
That means nothinh

>>40163747
ok

>>40138266 (OP)
probably trying on my mom's clothes.
Later on i discovered FemPOV porn and Sissy Hypno.
After a long time i basically realized that i was no longer really gravitating towards sissy porn or audios and i just liked being called a girl in an ASMR voice. I just thought to myself "wait this isn't porn. I don't listen to porn anymore. Why do i like this?
After awhile i just kinda autistically hyper-focused on trans stuff and HRT effects.
The last nail in the coffin is when I downloaded one of those faceapp gender-swap apps and basically broke down crying. Those stupid gimicky "gender-swap" apps are so fucking dumb but i literally just broke down crying. The person i saw looking back at me just looked so right for me.

>>40138902
I also felt this way except I assumed I was born intersex and they made it into just a penis

>>40138266 (OP)
at 10 i had long hair and i was bullied by boys and had mostly female friends, i remember how triggered i was when they wouldnt let me into their changing room even though they have let some other gay boy in, i also had this thing that i couldnt tall apart having a crush on a girl and feeling some sort of envy towards her

at 13 i discovered what ejaculation is and i think that its the most dysphoric thing i experience, back then i was just frustrated by it and it felt so wrong and unnatural but i had no idea it was dysphoria back then, thought that its just normal that men feel like that after orgasming

at 14 my female friends did my makeup "as a joke" and it was very exciting, but back then i just thought im excited bc there is so many girls around me touching my face, also at that age i noticed how all girls are suddenly shorter than me and it felt so weird

at 15 i refused to cut my hair and i have long hair since then, also developed a weird thing for colour pink and hair bands, i also started shaving off my chest hair as quickly as it first appeared, just bc it felt more normal

at some point i also developed a weird shaving obsession to the point i have some subtle scars on my face from aggressive shaving up until now

>>40151219
thanks for listening. <3 u 2 nona

>>40152823
found his panty stash + he got caught breaking into his female tenant's bedroom when she wasn't around

>>40163582

>boymode through the relationship
unless you mean 'through' in the same way you drive a car through a wall, then i don't see how one could avoid a relationship ending by boymoding.

>>40163733
If you genuinely feel more comfortable as the opposite gender enough to socially and medically transition you aren’t “faketrans” no matter when your earliest gender dysphoria experiences were.

>>40138266 (OP)
putting on a baseball cap that covered my long hair to kindergarten and walking around with it, i still feel the same way i did then when i dress masculine now

>>40163495
i always used to play winx at recess in third grade, it was pretty fun

>>40163495
I wonder if God intends for some of us to be trans and this was like God sending u that message

>>40164190
that was my other theory as a kid!

>>40138266 (OP)
My first memory was like this basically. I hated having my hair cut as a kid, which is sort of normal. When the dysphoria hit for the first time though was when I had managed to get it fairly long and pretending to be sick weeks in a row to keep my military dad from forcing it to get cut at the base barbershop. I remember just feeling a deep sadness I couldn't explain, I was crying the whole drive there and I cried in the chair. My dad finally was about to scold me and tell me to shut up about it, and when he leaned down and looked me in the eyes he knew how it was hurting me, but he still didn't understand. I got a buzz cut like normal and I wasn't allowed to grow it out at all for a number of years.