Saw some transfems hanging out at an event in college the other night and I felt so hopeful.

I wish I said something, they were so beautiful. But more importantly, I just wanted so badly to be apart of that world. When I saw them I knew in a second, that had I any trans friends of my own I would already have transitioned. I would already be, her. So I suppose, what stopping me from starting now? Why am I still so scared to jump off this cliff, and start living my life on my own terms. Why am I so scared. I don't enjoy being a man but sometimes, its fine. And I didn't always NEED to be a girl, when I was young I really loved "If I were a boy" - beyonce. I would tell my mum "thats like me but if I were a girl". So I know i've always wanted to this to some level, but now that im an adult, why can't I just do it. Why do I hold back.

SHOULD I START TRANSISTIONING!!!?!?

>>40142281 (OP)
>SHOULD I START TRANSISTIONING!!!?!?
Obviously you want to, so do it

>>40142292
ik, but sometimes when I look at my mom, and my sister, and any other women in my life, I just think "god, im nothing like them". Regardless of whether they would accept me or not (they wouldnt) im just so un-feminine. I don't enjoy what they enjoy, I don't think like they do. I don't want to transition and just be seen as a man in a dress (emotionally I mean, I would put a world of effort into being gorgeous and beautiful. Plus im young so HRT should still do a ton of heavy lifitng)

>>40142281 (OP)
There's really nothing scary about starting. It's a difficult journey but it'll be fruitful. Get on hrt asap.

>>40142456
what if i regret it ?

>>40142477
You can stop hrt at any point. I was unsure before I started, but once I started hrt I got more and more sure I'd made the right decision. You're obviously exhibiting desire to transition so I doubt you'll regret it anyway.

>>40142477
you won't, i can tell by your post you already know you're trans and are just scared to commit. but things will only get worse if you don't

>>40142517
Part of me knows you're right. And I really want to blindly follow that part, but theres another part of me that is trying to protect myself in some childish sense. Like a defense mechanism, and I can't help but give into the doubt. I'm in a safe space in my life, I'm talking with my family again, we have good relations. I have a friend group for the first time in ages, and I actually love them sm. I cant help but be terrified of loosing it all, for something that seems so selfish. Maybe I CAN put up with being a man. Ive done it for 21 years of my life so far. idk im just rambling now. thank you for the reassurance <3

>>40142281 (OP)
just trans!!! you clearly want it

>>40142562
Repping for the rest of your life is a horrible idea. You'll be so much happier. It's not selfish to live your life

>>40142281 (OP)
I think you should. Transitioning is magical. It feels like finally unlocking and taking off a set of handcuffs you didn't even know existed. I saw someone on twitter once describe it as the 'opposite of a traumatic event', something radical that changes you for the better. It's going to hurt a lot, especially at first, and you'll want to give up sometimes, but it is completely worth it to live as your truest self.

Just know that in some ways, you'll never stop hurting. Dysphoria never goes away. It can never be 'cured', only alleviated. I'm assuming from your post that you're young and you live in a place where transitioning is seemingly more accepted, so you're lucky enough to be under some of the best conditions to alleviate that pain.

Dysphoria is a weight you're going to carry for the rest of your life, regardless of if you transition or not. Some days it's a big rock you lug back and forth, some days it's a giant boulder that pins you to your bed and prevents you from getting up in the morning. As someone who has been transitioning for only 3 years, these days it's nothing more than a rock in my shoe. It took a lot of chipping away to get that rock as small as it is today, but I don't regret any of it.

>what if i regret it ?
So? And? What if you like it? Everyone is worried about regret, but I've seen very few people who actually end up wanting to go back to their old self. Either way, judging from the fact that you mentioned you're in college, you're young. Now is the perfect time to explore life like this. If on the odd chance you do regret it, you have the power to bounce back. Sometimes you have to jump in the water, even if it's cold. Nobody has any idea what the fuck they're doing, just try and make something beautiful of your life.

>>40142281 (OP)
>transfem
>>>/reddit/

>>40142667
im actually going to cry. thank you so much <3

maybe I can do it, I've crossdressed a handful of times now and every time it's been great. The first time gave me a feeling I cannot express, sometimes I forget just how potent and amazing it was. It was this like childish glee, I couldn't stop smiling. I've done it recently and theres been a bigger mixture of emotions. I feel this kind of saddness (?) like you said maybe dysphoria, that I look so masculine. I guess I wasn't looking so closely the first time or something but I just get terrified that i'm going to "fail". And I take that as proof to run away, to bury this deeper than ever before. you're comment was beautiful and changed how I think. again, sincerely, thank you

>>40142740
twitter actually

>>40142281 (OP)
Tbh I transitioned because I wanted to be a part of the community uwu and I never was able to fit in and detrans. regret it now

Yes Yes the answer is yes. I've wasted so much of my life ruminating endlessly. trying to find the answers to the many questions i had for myself. but no answer was ever satisfactory. being introspective and having self awareness is good but ultimately meaningless unless you take action. actually doing things is how you learn. and maybe one day with the knowledge you have taken from truly living your life you can find an answer to those questions.

you already know who you want to be. i just hope you can become her.

>>40142821
Detransed*
>>40142667
>Everyone is worried about regret, but I've seen very few people who actually end up wanting to go back to their old self.
Moron

>>40142841
do you wanna elaborate at all???

>>40142834
I hope so too,,, lowkey.
It feels weird to make my own decisions about my life, living for others is all i've ever known. It feels wrong to do things that I want for myself and myself alone. Idk if I'll be able to get over that feeling

>>40142748
I get what you mean. There are so many little things about myself that I never gave a second thought until I worried that they might be "feminine" (I'm ftm). It will make you insecure about things like your skin, your eyes, your teeth, everything. But everyone is insecure about something, even cis people. You just have to keep going. Again, just chip away at that rock until it becomes insignificant. In my eyes, the only way you can "fail" transitioning is if you give up. If you're talking about passing, either you will eventually start passing with enough work and patience, or you'll stop caring about it so much.

I will say, a lot of this is easier achieved if you have supportive people in your life. My family puts me down constantly to this day, but I had a supportive group of friends and a great girlfriend who helped me carry the weight on the days it was the worst. Don't try and fit in somewhere it feels unnatural, just try and go where you're wanted.

>>40142841
So you only did something because you wanted to be accepted by other people, and somehow that makes me the moron?

>>40142879
I would love too, basically I was depressed and physically weak and socially inept and thought “wow these people are just like me, I guess it would be cool to be a girl” and suddenly I had ROD and felt the urge to transition as soon as possible, even threatened suicide and started diying behind people’s back, it was fun to pursue and perform femininity and do makeup and go uwu for a while but after I grew up (18-24) I gained some muscle by working out which felt good and started going back to presenting more masculine more often, don’t really give a shit if people clock me, still trans though and still unable to get any relationships or friendships this entire time because people see me as this person I am not. So I’m detransing now but still girlmoding

>>40142512
There’s literally a thread up about how hard it is to stop taking estrogen because of withdrawal

>>40143048
I’ve also gone on and off the last few months and I’ve been having bad urinary symptoms, like sudden urges to go, trouble getting it all out

>>40142821
Way more common than anyone’s willing to admit

>>40143060
something similar happened to me when I was on SSRIs

>>40143062
you people are miserable. i hate this website

>>40143107
:0