I'm a manmoder. I really look like a man and it causes me immense pain. I'm very tall. I have a very masculine face. I have never, ever malefailed. I have terrible diffuse hair loss. I am very unlikely to be able to afford FFS in the next 10 years. I have a general masculine build and deformed conetits.
Why should I live? Every day I'm crying for two to five hours. Nothing helps. I can't think of a cope that would make me feel better. All I have is the mirror which shows me what I really am. What I always will be.
I don't understand why I should continue. I can't ever be at peace, because I will never pass. Many people have told me not to even bother transitioning, but I started DIY anyways (I doubt I legally would have been allowed to transition due to my appearance)
I don't know how to even feel better. It's all just so hopeless. I don't really want to die but I don't want to be so masculine anymore.
I have nothing going for me in my life.

Wow, looks aren't everything, and even if you look masc you can be a woman just like any ftm, there's more in life than what you look like, you should keep going with your transicion if you really feel like it would make you feel more complete, and don't stop just because you didn't try yet. Even if you don't pass, there's people who'll understand you eitherway, pls don't end your life

Sorry back there, i meant mtf

Anon above is right, looks isn't everything. However if you're broke for the foreseeable future I recommend you kys

>>40204181 (OP)
Its not that you should or shouldn't kill yourself. Its that you wont be able to

>>40204227
Looks are absolutely everything to me and I don't know how anyone could call me a woman.
>>40204246
>looks aren't everything
I can't switch off my dysphoria.

>>40204298
i found the secret, just run out down unprotected with any man that will have me until i get sick and simply dont get better or he post nut clarities me.

>>40204340
Holy shit you're not a manmoder. Get a grip.

>>40204181 (OP)
anon that's fucking awful, i'm so sorry
realistically all you can do is knuckle down and commit to hard work to afford the surgeries you're after. it's savage but it's your best bet. if I had the money i'd pay for all the surgeries and therapy you need to properly start the life you deserve. but alas, i'm my own man moder with my own problems, trying my best in my own way.
good luck and stay safe

>>40204458
I'm sorry for you too. Hopefully you're in a better position than me.
I don't know what the point is. Maybe I'd feel better. FFS is my only hope right now. Even if I won't pass then, maybe I'll feel a bit better.

>>40204624
im probably in a bit of a better place than you are at the moment yeah, been digging myself out of quite a deep hole for a while.
That's how I feel about ffs. I don't think it'll make me pass but I am holding onto the hope that it'll make me feel better. Sometimes I despair that it just won't and it'll be awful and then I'll have nowhere to run. But then I just think about the hope itself of ffs in the abstract and I think about how that's kept me going through a few times, so having that potential there still is kinda valuable. I do worry that when/if I do manage to get it. Then faced with the reality that that's about as far as I'm gonna go, that's when I'm gonna be really mentally in trouble again. But who knows maybe it'll just be great and make everything better.
I do have to remember like, burn victims and stuff or people with mangled faces. Like those people still get by alright. And they'd probably kill for my face and my flesh with most of its nerves intact.
Sometimes I remember all this is temporary and one day I'll just be mulch and sometimes I meditate enough that it brings me some peace.
I've got a mountain of copes I won't even list. I'm sure you've got some too. Anything to claw back hours in the day and attempt to live.
I wish you luck anon, you see like you have a good heart. I hope you can find ways to cope because the world is probably a better place with another kind albeit fragile person in it.

>>40204736
Yeah I get it. I know I won't pass because I'm just too tall, but maybe making my dysphoria less bad will help.
I still can't believe that this is it, that this is as good as life's going to get for me. I made a terrible mistake not transitioning as a minor (I could have DIYed) and I still can't quite grasp it. It doesn't seem real to me. I don't know.
>I've got a mountain of copes I won't even list. I'm sure you've got some too.
What are your copes like? I don't really have any. They don't really work and I never believe in them anyways.
>I hope you can find ways to cope because the world is probably a better place with another kind albeit fragile person in it.
Is it worth the suffering though?

>>40204227
>>40204246
its always the passoids saying looks arent everything

>>40204181 (OP)
Wigs for hair loss, makeup for ffs, clothing choice for masculine build, filler bras for conetits.
You have no excuse stop being a whiny cunt.

>>40205451
>wigs
Lol. No.

>>40205455
>My life is terrible it isn't worth living wah wah
>Here's very simple solutions for your problems
>Ew no lol

Yeah kill yourself you're insufferable.

How do you people even have the mental fortitude to do anything, I've given up on life a while ago because not only I'll never pass, but I don't even want to spend any effort on just looking like a woman.

>>40205465
I'm not going to listen to some retard.
>>40205466
Passoids put in zero effort and pass, because they are simply lucky.

>>40205481
Ok, but I really want to be a cis woman and not a trans woman. I don't understand why did I have to get so unlucky

I should kill myself really seriously for real yeah definitely because it could have been so much better ahaha ahaha 20 WHAT A JOKE WHAT A SICK JOKE 20 and absolutely done by then I was done in by then cuz Id been killed before that even probably around 17 i was done in and there goes her life ruined by muddafuckas and hoors and most of all god