How do I even cope with that?
>be me, a 7yo boy
>start having a dream about becoming a princess
>it becomes my obsession for quite some time
>develop fetishes in middle school
>start gooning to some ultra cringe sassy shit
>be super chuddy
>one day I ask myself why do I hate trannies so much
>"maybe I'm one?"
>stop having this fetish
>want to wear cute dresses and look like a woman
>want to be seen as a woman
>get melancholic because IWNBAW
>I'm afraid that I'll start HRT because I can't control myself

I know this isn't extremely common, but don't y'all ever get tired of having to list out your porn consumption or fetishes when explaining your dysphoria?

>>40212103 (OP)
ok but can i use your hole

>>40212174
>don't y'all ever get tired of having to list out your porn consumption or fetishes when explaining your dysphoria?

I do but ig being honest is better than pretending that it didnt happen.

>>40212103 (OP)
>start gooning to some ultra cringe sassy shit
Like what?

>>40212103 (OP)
More truetrans than me. I had my first woman dream at 19 and I've never felt as alive as in that dream.
Never developed any dysphoria, desire to crossdress nor any kinks related to it. I don't even think I really want to be a woman.
I've been hopelessly melancholic about not being a woman ever since though

>>40212221
Idk, like jerking off to the idea of being a woman? Then I (unfortunately) discovered porn and hentai about it. Thinking about it gives me an ick now

>>40212226
>nor any kinks related to it
It's better to not have them, believe me. You are questioning your transness because of that, but I literally cannot say if my transness is something more than a sophisticated form of the fetish

>I've been hopelessly melancholic about not being a woman ever since though
Same

>>40212251
The idea of being a woman or the idea or being treated as a woman during sex?

>>40212193
She has a great hole!!!

>>40212295
so you're saying she's the ideal trophy wife

>>40212288
Idk, maybe both?
>being treated as a woman during sex
I didn't like "emasculation", I wanted to be as feminine as possible, to the point of getting a vagina. It's not like I wanted to be a man in dress, but it was more about sex ig.

>>40212283
I think my kinks are even worse in some respects. I might not have any typical agp kinks that would make me question my transness, but I have a very strong futa kink. This makes me feel so so much more depraved and disgusting than simply being aroused by crossdressing or the like.
My sexuality is genuinely not normal though.

I am certain of being sad over not being a woman and that there my kinks have no say in this yet the doubt keeps seeping in

>>40212343
I don't mean emasculation lol
I mean literally treated as women are treated during sex

>>40212399
>My sexuality is genuinely not normal though.
I understand that. I hate myself because of my kinks, but ig there is nothing you can really do aside from accepting that. The problem is not the fact, that I have the kink. The problem is that I'm not sure why I want to be a woman. I'm afraid of the kink influencing my life on some deeper level. Imagine you doing some stupid life-changing decisions because of your futa fetish? That's literally what I'm afraid of.

>yet the doubt keeps seeping in
Idk, ig the only thing that makes you really trans is a wish to be a woman. There is nothing bad about you discovering it a bit late. I'd still advice you to go to a therapist if you are not really sure (even though I've never spoken with one because I'm too shy)

>>40212517
>I mean literally treated as women are treated during sex
I didn't want to be treated as a woman, I wanted to have a female body and be a woman in sex, not a male treated like one during sex

>>40212324
Yes. She sucks, fucks, cooks and cleans.

>>40212629
Yrah that's just run of the mill agp

>>40213674
nice, when can i come pick her up and treat her like royalty

>>40216016
is it? AGP is not just a fetish, isn't it?

>>40212103 (OP)
1st of all: get on HRT, retard
2nd of all: stop dwelling on the past or trying to explain this, you're dysphoric now:
>get melancholic because IWNBAW
it's prolly not gonna go away
3rd thing: better start loving yourself sooner than later

>>40218436
>get on HRT, retard
I don't think that making a life-changing decision not understanding why you want to make it is a great idea

>you're dysphoric now
I don't think it is a dysphoria. Sometimes I feel melancholic about it, but it is not like I want to kms because of having a male body. (Even though Ig I don't really like being seen as one)

>>40212103 (OP)
How is this "faketrans"? Please explain.

>>40218638
Because I jerked off to thinking about myself as a woman.

>>40218610
dysphoria just means unease, sure some people have it get to them and they slit their wrists or cut their nuts off in a bathtub, for others just a strange empty feeling like a cloud that follows them around

>>40218610
> I don't think that making a life-changing decision not understanding why you want to make it is a great idea
Look at Miss Know-It-All here, figuring it all out, psychoanalyzing herself to death over something that's literally as simple as:
> I'm dysphoric.
> HRT alleviates dysphoria.
> I should get on HRT.
That's why you should make the decision to take it, not for some personal, quasi-spritual, female soul goobledeegook.

>>40218869
yeah but you do need to verify that it will actually be the thing to treat your dysphoria

>>40212570
>The problem is that I'm not sure why I want to be a woman.
I also have no clue why I want to be a woman. I can't even tell whether I do truly desire to be a woman despite being sad that I am not one way too frequently. All I know is that aging as a man fills me with dread, even if said dread feels misplaced. Sometimes I'm certain that I will one day learn to love being a man, and other times I feel like transitioning is the only way forward.

>Imagine you doing some stupid life-changing decision because of you futa fetish? That's literally what I'm afraid of.
I am afraid of it influencing my desires in ways I am not aware of, since my desire to be a woman feels completely separate from this stupid fetish. The mere fact that I do have such a fetish makes me feel like I don't deserve to transition in general.
Regarding doing something stupid, I have been for multiple months on hrt before I stopped taking it when I became extremely afraid of people noticing the changes. This should've been enough to become certain that transitioning isn't for me, and yet I have to keep myself from injecting again.

>I'd still advice you to go to a therapist if you are not really sure (even though I've never spoken with one because I'm too shy)
This is good advice, but I genuinely have no clue how a therapist will end up helping me. I feel like I'll just end up running in circles. During one session I'll say the most trans things imaginable and during another I'll prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am cis after all.

>>40212103 (OP)
>hate on people because of insecurity
>it bites you in the ass later
you'll see posts like OP every day, just wait

>>40218926
that just sounds like you are afraid of transitioning but deep down you maybe kinda want to

also how the FUCK did you do HRT, blood testing is so goddamn expensive why is every fucking babytrans on this shit except me its making me fucking mad

>>40218916
> that it will actually be the thing to treat your dysphoria
HRT is literally one of the most proven and well documented means of treating gender dysphoria.
Faketrans or not get on it if you're dypshoric.

>>40218959
I WILL WHEN I HAVE MORE THAN 50 FUCKING DOLLARS AND DONT HAVE TO BIKE INTO TOWN FOR BLOOD TESTING

"DIY is literally so easy" FUCK OFF

>>40218972
DIY is literally so easy. You can also just do a medium to high monotherapy dose before getting bloodwork. It's not optimal but nothing much will happen desu

>>40218986
i think im gonna order some raw estradiol valerate and then i will get creative from there, that's all i have the funds to do

>transitioning broke
nightmare shit. but do what you have to

>>40218837
Maybe, but I personally think that my mood changes too often. I can go from "wtf am I thinking about, I was born a male and it's just some stupid obsession" to "I wanna order estrogen ASAP" in an hour. It's not like I cannot live like this, it is completely bearable for me most of the time. Sometimes it gets worse though, for example yesterday I was looking at myself in a mirror at a clothing store and realized how big I actually am. It was kind of bad desu

>>40218926
>Sometimes I'm certain that I will one day learn to love being a man, and other times I feel like transitioning is the only way forward.
Same

>The mere fact that I do have such a fetish makes me feel like I don't deserve to transition in general.
Having a fetish is okay if you can integrate it into your life. Accept yourself, most likely it isn't gonna go away.

>During one session I'll say the most trans things imaginable and during another I'll prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am cis after all.
Maybe the therapist will help you to understand why you want it? Even if you change your mind you'll still know more about yourself.

>>40220013
that sounds pretty dysphoric, ik there are a lot things in practice that can make transitioning a bad idea, but if no one gave a shit and was magically supportive, and the hormone pills had no bad side effects, would you like to?

>>40212174
Do you realize that it's an effort to just be honest and open on an anonymous image board?

I guarantee the vast, vast, vast, vast majority of transwomen are asexual and extremely confused and put off by their own sexuality. I spent the first 23 years of my life desperately avoiding any kind of sexual thought or impulse I had. Eventually you have to realize that these things, while vain and hedonistic, are actually very relevant to you and your life. You cant bury your head in the sand forever because its "icky".

>>40218751
So what?

>>40218869
I would. I remember my father asking me as a boy if I want to be a girl (ofc I answered no because LGBT is very stigmatized where I live), and I'm still dreaming about what could have happened if I had answered yes back then.

>>40220388
It is disgusting and faketrans af

>>40220439
>dude got married and had a family with a woman
>disgusting because he used to jerk it to pictures of women

you know you sexual desire and real emotion can coexist

>>40220308
Its not exactly anyonymoose if you can track ips and be a mod

>>40212103 (OP)
You are trutrans

>>40212629
based

>>40220447
yeah but sometimes I cannot tell what causes these thoughts.

>>40220535
how?

>>40216016
I.e. truetrans and not just a gay man with extra steps (HSTS)

>>40221169
desu both options are bad, blanchardism says that you are either a fetishist or a predatory gay man

>>40212103 (OP)
okay nona, but first, do you know where this image is from?
this will determine whether you should be executed or not.

>>40221320
I know and It makes me want to kms

>>40221320
>>40221423
What is it?

>>40221517
It's better to not know, believe me

>>40221533
stop fucking about what is it

>>40221550
google bambi sleep

>>40221423
maybe you wanna cock zombie now and zap cock drain obey.

>>40221595
I dont

>>40221565
oh its.... that..
Sprays with water

>>40221613
Bambi sleep
bubble pop
IQ lock
tik tok
drop for cock
zap cock drain obey
safe and secure
good girl bambi

your fault for not building an immunity to this slop.
Whore.

>>40221686
kys retard

>>40212399
>doubt
there is nothing to doubt, you are a male that desires to be a woman just like every other trans woman. motivations are irrelevant, all men who desire to be women. the variation comes out in the individual perception of what a woman is and skill in achieving that ideal.

>>40221777
aren't you gonna say that somebody willing to become a woman because of strong dysphoria is as valid as someone transitioning because of AGP?

>>40221822
I'm trying to convey that the mental anguish of whether oneself is a true believer is a waste. of I would differentiate between someone who desires to be a woman as an end versus a means to an end.

>>40221709
Relapse bambi, you can't resist.

>>40221889
Probably so, but irl... Transition is not simple and I doubt that transitioning is really worth it for everybody who wishes to be a woman