i had to wait 6 years to start hrt.

i started estrogen diy when i was 15/16, but my parents found out and stopped me. i got put in a psychiatric hospital for 6 months, and the NHS told me i was on a "list" for trying to do hormones diy. afterwards i was so depressed i lost total hope until i left home when i was 18.

when i left home i moved to canada and couldn't get DIY because of my immigration status. because of the pandemic it took me another year to find a doctor (literally just to get *a* doctor). when i was 20, i was finally able to get a prescription, but was so suicidal i wasn't even getting out of bed to do the blood tests. i finally started at 21.

should i just kill myself for not trying harder to do DIY when i was a teenager? i feel like my whole time at university has been ruined by the pandemic plus not starting estrogen. i want to throw up. 6 fucking years

this whole time i've just felt frozen. watching my body rot and not being able to move, not being able to talk to people. just lying in bed knowing what needs to happen to fix my life and not being able to do it.

21 is a fine age to start, get on with it!

>>40297055 (OP)
21 is a better starting age than 90+% of trannies through history

>>40297055 (OP)
>21
pffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttt STFU retard and take your pills already
there are hons that started at 13 and passoids that started at 30. YMMV and Being Hot>>>Passing
work on that body and enjoy being free to start
this youngshitery is getting ridiculous
>iF yOu dIdNt sTaRt hRt bY 2yO yNgMi
STFU Alice and take your pills

>>40297073
i have started. i'm 6 months in now. i'm really happy i finally did start. but i just feel so bad about how much of my life i lost before now T_T

just take your hrt
make sure your levels are in range and fucking wait

>>40297055 (OP)
a list? thats pretty fucking concerning i live in the uk and do diy

im so sorry anon thats horrible
the UK is fucking horrible and you tried as hard as you could
can the NHS rlly put you on a fucking "list" like that? what can they do? why are doctors so inhuman?

>>40297205
im guessing it was probably just a scare tactic but of course it would work on a traumatized teen
doctors are genuinely pure fucking evil
or maybe they put her address on a list for incoming packages? i don't know

>>40297171
21 is baby, you still have like 75% of your life to go assuming you live a normal length of time.

>>40297403
in retrospect, i think they were lying about contacting the police (they did call the police on me for importing E, but the police don't actually give a shit).

but they hurt me a lot inside the nhs

they said part of why i couldn't leave the hospital was because they "knew i was gonna try again" so it was for my own good. and, they refused to give me a referral to the trans specialists so i could never get a real prescription for estrogen. it was in all my medical records - "she wants to do DIY. do not cooperate with her. get in her way.", etc...

that's part of why i left the country. in canada, getting hrt is much safer because there is no NHS, so if my GP says "i don't want to give you estrogen" i can just go to a different GP. and there are no permanent medical records with notes saying "this patient is non-compliant"

>>40297555
this is actually so evil what the fuck
i'm sorry
i know you have a lot to look forward to now. but that doesnt change what u want through
and my hate for doctors rises

>>40297603
lots of those people were genuinely so evil. i remember a police office who took me to the hospital pointing at fire alarms and saying that the NHS puts cameras in them so patients don't know they're being watched. jokes on him, I had OCD not paranoia

the nurses said i needed to be let go after a month or so, but the "resident psychiatrist" didn't let me leave for another 5 months. i have so many fucking insane stories about the way that guy treated me

>just take the hrt!!!!!!!
What does it do again? Oh yeah it just breaks your dick, ruins sex, and makes you moody like a foid. ZERO effect on voice. ZERO effect on body/face structure. Sure it moves fat around but doesn’t matter since you’re obese. It just makes hons smell a little nicer.

>>40297858
Sure repbro

>>40297858
fake. i look completely different than i did 6 months ago, and my ass is growing so fast i have stretch marks now

part of why i feel so terrible about not starting earlier is BECAUSE it's working so well, and that means i know for certain it would have worked even better when i was still in puberty

>>40297437
definitely a scare tactic
especially when you actually can (and do) lock someone up

>>40297442
not really lol at 40 youre old & decrepit & wrinkly, why would you want to live past 40? youll just be as ugly as all the cissoids plus youve wasted 1/2-2/3 of the life you couldve had

>>40299148
This is gay (In a bad way)

>>40297055 (OP)
came out at 15, strted at 25, kms :)
at least transbians are into me now (1+ year in) so i can finally experience a romantic life

>>40297652
How did he treat you?

>>40299277
e.g. finally agreeing he was legally obliged to release me, and then saying he would "get round to it" after he came back from a month long holiday

he lied to a judge to try to stop me being released, and got in trouble for it. but because of a couple of months of insane legal shit i never actually was ordered to be released. he only ACTUALLY let me go one day before the exact 6 month mark, because in the UK that can trigger a special legal review and he knew he would fail (and be punished) if he was caught

>>40299528
wtf
name and shame

>>40297055 (OP)
if it happened to me, i would kill my parents in maximally shocking way so that other parents would think twice before risking to end the same way

>>40299534
i don't actually remember his name. PTSD moment.

he also wanted me to take SSRIs (shut up and chug) instead of letting me get exposure therapy for my OCD which was what i wanted. he started threatening me unless i agreed to start taking them.

one day i was going to go sit my national exams (GCSEs) which are really important to like, stay in school as a teenager and then go to uni. he went to the nurses and ordered them to not let me sit them unless i started SSRIs right there on the spot.

he said he knew how much i had been studying for them, so he knew blocking me from going would be "strong leverage"

>>40299629
wtf

>>40299611
when my mom threw away my estrogen and spiro i wanted to. i tried to kill myself

>>40299629
what did you do anon?

>>40297055 (OP)
>and couldn't get DIY because of my immigration status

how

>should i just kill myself for not trying harder to do DIY when i was a teenager?

22 is still young.

>>40299640
i pretended to take it so i could go sit the exam. turns out i'm REALLY good at pretending to take pills

the whole rest of the time i was there i pretended to take them every single day. and none of that "pretend to swallow then spit it out" shit, they would check (sometimes with gloves). none of the pills went in my mouth once :3

i was also totally vindicated because doing exposure therapy on myself basically single handedly fixed my OCD. now it just looks like i have weird quirks occasionally

>>40299667
Do you have any tips or resources for exposure therapy?

>>40299674
you need to be laser focused on not letting your OCD like, shift or change to accommodate the exposure.

like, exposure is only productive if you're actively distressed. people will try to "self soothe" but it turns out their coping mechanism is actually just a new OCD ritual

to give an example, it's like, let's say i have to check my front door 10 times before i go to sleep. i might do exposure and try to not check the front door. but because that makes me so scared, i'll mentally imagine i'm checking the door, and like, do visualisation/manifestation type shit. but then it turns out that's still OCD, it's just internal and not visible externally. so the problem hasn't gone away.

but, this is really difficult "advise" to use because if you overwhelm yourself, exposure can be counterproductive, like it can make OCD worse or relapse. and, you do HAVE to find a way to cope with the stress, it just has to not be "OCD coping", but if you have OCD then OCD coping IS the way you cope with things...

idk, it feels like a rest of the fucking owl situation

>>40299649
instant deportation if customs catches me, and it's harder to get diy in canada than in the UK. i guess i was just traumatised and scared

>>40299259
I don't care being old is a vile crime against existence, every human has a moral obligation to die as soon as possible, only sinners stay alive.

>>40297055 (OP)
i was 16 when i got on diy hrt without nhs permission. it might be in my records? but they never went to the police or anything and my local gp seemingly wasn't told (they got the gp from near my school to lambast my mother lmao)

somethings don't really add up here though, unless you live in like fucking buckinghamshire where the terf density is like 250% i doubt you'd get psych'd for just being on DIY. that wasn't even thought about as far as I was aware. unless your parents manually asked for you to be admitted which is a possibility

>>40299974
i had really bad OCD + some suicide attempts, so i had a huge amount of direct personal attention from a tiny group of (4 or 5, ish) insane, high ranking psychiatric professionals

everything i've been talking about was done by them and basically every normal nhs worker i interacted with as a teen was opposed to it

>>40300009

also i wasn't put in the hospital directly because of the diy. i brought it up because it basically killed my willpower until i left the UK

but they did say that it was proof that i wasn't like, "complying" with them, so needed more "direct control" over me. they were also all max terfs, which is part of why they never let me get a referral to a trans clinic

>>40297055 (OP)
> should i just kill myself for not trying harder to do DIY when i was a teenager?

You did more than what 99% of trannies would do to get hrt

Stories like yours are what motivates me to fight for trans rights and against conversion therapy. I don’t know how I’m going to achieve that though. I am not lawyer, I am not a politician. I’m about to do an engineering degree so I have no idea.

But I just really hope within my lifetime I can make positive impact. I just pray that in the future situations like yours do not happen.

>>40300009
this is why i hate mental facilities because they remove all sense of individualism because they act as a law unto themselves

i use "send to ninewells" as a threat to some ppl because i have this crazy former friend who would rant about how he hated his life there. he's probably dead now lmao, all they taught him is how to be silent. its like being in an abusive household except you are older

>>40299953
why couldn't you just go to a gender clinic in canada

after all I keep being told about how superior socialized medicine is

>>40297055 (OP)
similar thing happened to me.
put on waiting list to access nhs care at 14, knew i'd be waiting a while so tried to selfmed, made the mistake of telling mum and she schiz'd out
hondosed by nhs at 19 after dropping out of uni and trying to kms. dose gradually increased.
out of nowhere nhs cut my dose to 2mg oral no blocker. first doctor i spoke to said she'd fix it after a review, second who reviewed it said i didn't have gd diagnosis and if i didn't legally change my documents and get therapy for bdd they wouldn't up it (she did say i passed better than like most of her patients tho lmfao)
been doing injections for 2 years since, male fail a lot in boymode and only kind of want to kms myself
things will get better but it takes time, make some friends who care about you and try to enjoy life to its fullest in the meantime

>>40300171\
the first year i didn't have functioning health insurance, so i couldn't really interact with the system, and after that basically every clinic i could find was completely full. one clinic i called said their waitlist was full, which is stupid

but in canada GPs can just give you estrogen. the problem is, it's really hard to find a GP if you're not a permanent resident (actually, even if you are a citizen it's hard), especially if you're from a different province).

now i have a GP they just give my estrogen

>>40300259
>>40300262
more stories that just prove to me that socialized medicine doesn't work

>>40300259
thank you anon (﹏)

part of the pain is that i'm half a year on hrt and malefail less than i did prehrt at 19 when i came to uni. the only times strangers treat me like a woman is when i get sexually harassed at night

but i'm optimistic, and i have friends who are really supporting me now

>>40300266
are you stupid?

holy shit what the fuck is wrong with british "people", these creatures are not human, evacuate the trannies and nuke this cursed isle for once
>>40300262
I'm an Immigrant in Canada too and I was able to find a rare private doctor in a few days, had to shell out a few hundred bucks though but I'm on an expensive regimen that costs Canadian govt 500 loonies a month kek

>>40300299
woah what are you on? i'm just on 6mg of oral E plus some cypro. my gf is on injections and insurance doesn't cover it

>>40300314
4mg and lupron, will switch to injections too in a few months. Idk if lupron is best I just got it cuz it was most expensive option. What part of canada are you from anyway

>>40300283
half a year is nothing, i didn't see any real difference in how strangers treated me until the past year.
most trans people still transition later than you did, you'll be okay

>>40300259
the fact that the NHS is ran by bureaucrats looking to save money via any avenue possible even it means trying to help nazis is what made me never touch them in the first place. if i want a grc in the future ill just go private icl

>>40300354
lupron is a hormone blocker, so it's not helping your body transition. is this a joke??

you need to take estrogen (or testosterone) not lupron

im in toronto

>>40300290
what about those stories tell you it's "working"

>>40300392
Same here. I didn't even bother with the NHS. With that being said, if I could have got puberty blockers by the time I was like 16, I would have definitely came out. But when I knew I was trans (age 12-13), by the time I would have got to be seen, puberty was already finished. Why didn’t I diy? Mid- level dysphoria. Do I regret it? Not right now but definitely if I transition later in my life.

>>40297055 (OP)
Your parents were trying to save you don't disappoint them now

>>40300406
i struggled as an immigrant, but once i got in the system i have unbelievably good healthcare. i can see my gp whenever i want, if not i can go to a walk in clinic any day, and i get coverage for nearly anything. my uni healthcare gives me and extra $10000 of coverage specifically for transitioning
lack of access

>>40300449
yeah see the posts about *if* you can find a GP

this has been a problem in Canada dating back to before the pandemic and has been talked about since at least 2001.

>>40300449
I’m happy to hear that you have found a country that can help you. I am honestly ashamed that wasn’t the UK.

>>40300475
finding a gp is a market problem though? the government doesn't run the gps they run the health insurance

if capitalist healthcare could solve this problem, it would already be solving it right now in Canada

>>40300498
that's because healthcare in Canada is not fucking capitalist at all and private heathcare is banned for most cases in Canada, except for cosmetic surgery, gender stuff, dental and eye

>>40300360
i'm so excited to keep on transitioning ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝