>>40300939 (OP)I already tried to be loved.
And now, in my older age I'm worse, I'm fatter, I'm tired, I'm emotionally fucked up...
So if before, at my peak I was only worthy of failed love, then now I'm not going to be worth anything more than a humiliation ritual and I don't want that. I want to be married, I want love thats going to last, I don't want a quick fuck, I've had as many quick fucks as I'll ever need in life.