>Be me, in twenties, KHHV
>Meet online best friend of 4+ years
>Goes well they take me to a bunch of cute places
>Goes sexual (frotting, oral, but no penetrative)
>Afterwards uncontrollably cry and sniffle
>They try to console me and they seem to feel guilty
>Tries multiple other times during visit to same result

wtf is wrong with me? I didn't hate it but i felt so overwhelmed and guilty.

anyone relate or have similar interesting stories?

>>40354233 (OP)
do you remember specifically what was going through your mind when you were crying? or was it just like pure emotion that you couldn't control

>>40354276
Mostly guilt, like i did something wrong, and some raw emotion.
It was not a positive cry i felt pretty not great even though everything was fine during.
I've thought about it a lot since, it was pretty embarrassing but i don't really know the exact reason.
I was mostly acting on instinct rather than emotions, I don't know if i felt entirely ready even though I'm 'late'.
I hope it plays out differently next time.

>>40354233 (OP)
not exactly the same but i was similarly late to my first sexual experience and even though i enjoyed it when i think about it now i can only feel embarrassed and upset about myself. i'm insecure about things and in ways which i wasn't before and part of me wants to go back to how i felt when i was khv
i'm also now caught in a loop where i think about her a lot but am far too anxious to actually talk to her again. it feels very bad.

>>40354233 (OP)
>be me
>1 year hrt
>pussy out on bringing mones on the plane for a 2 week trip to my hometown
>end up fucking my passoid high school friend
>didn't even feel good
>fall in love with her after
>haven't gotten over it
I wish I'd just stayed a virgin desu

>>40354724
> i think about her a lot but am far too anxious to actually talk to her again. it feels very bad.
rough, you should talk to her again though, you have little to lose.
>>40354910
>I wish I'd just stayed a virgin desu
better to have tried and failed to never try at all. felt though

>>40354233 (OP)
I met a guy on /soc/ who turned out to be a typical chaser/cryptotranny. We messed around and talked for an hour until he just flipped me over and fucked me. We didn't agree to it and i still hate that guy. Honestly a terrible first experience and I haven't done anything like that since

>18, sadposting online about feeling hopelessly repulsive and thinking no-one will ever want to be with me
>friend (f) says "i would"
>naïvely think wow alright and we end up doing it in the back of my car
>we kiss and i don't know how to kiss and it is weird and i don't like it but it makes my heart beat fast and i interpret that as a good thing
>can't bring myself to do the actual sex other way besides her sitting on top of me, and i touch her boobs a little but nothing ever happens and we just stop after a while
>wake up the next morning completely miserable, feel disgusting, like, the worst i had ever felt in my whole life until that moment
i still regret it. it's even worse because i had never felt anything like that before physically or emotionally so i told her the next day that i loved her and we started "dating" for about a month until it just sort of fizzled out. we never did it again. she asked if i wanted to once but changed her mind because she was sore from unrelated things and i am thankful for that
i dunno if i'll ever get over it. to this day i feel disgusting and i am married to a man now but even if i weren't i don't think i could ever have sex with a cis woman again.
probably should talk to a therapist about this

>>40354233 (OP)
>I didn't hate it but i felt so overwhelmed and guilty.
this is exactly it :(
hopefully it is not still haunting you op
looking through this thread it seems like regret and guilt are sort of a theme

>>40355262
>you should talk to her again though, you have little to lose
i should but i'm so scared of judgement and rejection that i can't
i feel like a bad person for even being into her
i know it's retarded but i can't get over it so what can you do

>16 , twinky but pre hrt, mom had kicked me out for coming out as a tranny a few weeks prior
>staying with my dad for summer
>no positive validation in my life, tried to seek it out through the internet
>start talking with a 28 year old near me
>he comes over one morning
>im super super nervous, hes also pretty ugly
>makes me blow him (had no idea how to, still scared of most sex things out of fear of disappointing ppl 2day) & puts me on my back & fucks me
>he came in me, it all kinda hurt, he used vaseline as lube
>pisses off pretty quickly
>dms me relentlessly on snapchat for the next year (i never even opened the chat again) until i deleted my account

pretty awful experience, dysphoria only made it & future experiences worse. I still think id have all the same insecurities today if I hadnt done that to be honest ;c

>>40354381
>>40354233 (OP)
this has happened to me after hook ups. your brain wanted somebody you could trust and be friends with and the sexualization of that relationship is startling and uncomfortable. take it as a sign not to fuck your friends

>>40355646
>dms me relentlessly on snapchat for the next year (i never even opened the chat again) until i deleted my account
Guy I fucked did the same thing. It was kinda scary