i traveled a long distance to meet up with an online friend of mine a week ago. i stayed at her place for the week and we did lots of stuff. i am now on my way back to my home. i cant put it into words how sad i am. crying on thw bus right now. i havent had an irl friend in over 5 years. i got a glimpse of what its like and now it is ripped away from me in an instant and i will go back to my usual life of staying in my room, doing nothing and being depressed. i wish i could have stayed longer. we hiked together, watched some movies, went to a zoo, held hands and now thats only a happy memory. this was amazing but it will make that sense of loneliness that i got used to in the past few years a lot more apparent and less bareable. all i can do to ease the pain is eat, hurt myself, lay in bed doing nothing or get drunk alone in my room. we will still talk every day, its not like im losing her completely, but this was still a thousand times better than just talking online. i will miss her. i will miss my friend. i won't die happy but im glad i could experience this before i die. i dont have a concrete plan on killing myself but i just know everything will feel even more dull and pointless when i get back fo my usual life and i dont know how much of that i can take. im sad. i will miss my friend. i miss my friend.

>>40355736 (OP)
I'm sorry nona :[. Do you wanna be friends? MD?

>>40355736 (OP)
did u guys.. yknow... do it?

>>40355743
Doctor of Medicine

>>40355859
no.

>>40355974
why not

>>40355736 (OP)
where do you live? like vaguely, maybe we can be friends

>>40355736 (OP)
you should cherish these moments, they will make your bond so much stronger.
i'm actually going to visit a years-long friend (and maybe a little more) across the continents in less than a week after a year-ish of planning; we both had to sacrifice a lot and work hard to get here, and i'm still a little scared (she is too, i know) -- but it's still incredible thinking how much it pushed our limits...
not sure what exactly i'm trying to say, just know that there's still a lot that you can do now that you know that happiness is something which exists, out there

>>40355736 (OP)
I know what it's like. My only friend is coming to visit and I'm already dreading her leaving. She is the only person who gives me physical affection and spends time with me. The only person I can really feel comfortable around. She lives hundreds of miles away now.

>Can you move closer?

>Do they feel the same way?

yeah i wish i wasnt an outcast

>>40355736 (OP)
Get a job.

>>40361049
this. stop being a loser if you really feel that way op