>>40380996terrible. thank you anyways, nona. good for you.
>>40381005no i'm just a mess and i'm no good at it. i know i'm good at teaching but i'm not good at being a teacher, which is something i didn't figure out until halfway through my graduate year student-teaching. even with support, even with a mentor in the room with me, i could barely handle the pressure of managing and educating a room of sixteen first-graders, which is an extremely small class, especially nowadays. there is no way in hell i can do this alone and with a larger class. i have considered tutelage or paraprofessional work but i have been having breakdown after breakdown and i was barely keeping it together in front of the kids some days. i don't really want to expose impressionable minds to that sort of thing.
realistically i am probably just dooming and being a para would maybe be fine but it terrifies me. the environment terrifies me and the children terrify me, as much as i love them. i just want to be someplace quiet and slow and where i can be excused immediately if i ever do need to pull myself back together. it's not about stealthing because i already do that, but i'm paranoid that everyone knows, anyways, which doesn't help. thinking about it all overwhelms me and i just want to stop.
i don't know what online school is like but i will have to look into it, at least