>be me
>hrt repper
>go to a gift shop while on vacation
>see a cat mousepad
>I find it cute, and since I don't have one I think about buying it
>then a thought strikes me:
>"it would be performative, and a bastardization of femininity. Most actual women probably wouldn't buy such a thing, and the AGP need for such an object shows that that I am operating on a twisted male view of what women want/do."
>buy different souvenirs instead
>sister finishes her shopping a few minutes later
>she bought herself the aforementioned cat mousepad

>>40416659 (OP)
>inb4 the "vent post wojak"
This board did irreversible damage to my brain, IWNBARW, but at least I wouldn't be having these thoughts if I never came here. The "uwu skirt goes spinny" type might be cringe, but at least they don't deal with whatever this is.

>>40416659 (OP)
>hrt repper
This isn’t a thing ur a manmoder

>>40416659 (OP)
you might wanna take a relax on that. Literally nobody outside of 4chan cares if you buy cute things.

>>40416659 (OP)
Just accept that you're a bastardized performative mockery of women and enjoy your cute consumer goods.

>>40416659 (OP)
Anon over thinks herself out of having fun and enjoying her life

>>40416659 (OP)
THIS
ALL DAY
FOR EVERYTHING
THIS FOREVER
NOTHIGN BUT THIS
I AM LITERALLY FAKETRNA SBECAUSE I TAKE HRT AND NOT A REAL WOMAN
I am detroons too now ig

>>40417295
*him *himself
and yes it's okay for men to like cute things
this fag can't even rep properly

>>40416659 (OP)
Was stuck in a similar way of thinking for a long time, and I had a head injury that left me unable to count to 12 that forced me out of it because it was either that or Id never ever recover.
Id say the most important things Ive found that have helped me are learning to actually notice when Im doing dissociative self talk. Its really insidious and doesnt feel like it when you are but the easiest way to tell is when youre criticizing yourself are you doing it from your own perspective or are you taking up the role of someone else mentally to do so?
Also Ive found that art has helped me a lot. Not the nice picture variety but of the 'I have no mouth and must scream' type. Just put whatever comes up to your mind when you think of pain directly on to the page. Even if it sucks it doesnt matter its about getting the feelings out. I still have my little notebook from directly after my injury that I kept with all my weird surrealist art in it, and all my little notes I made intentionally as unreadable as possible.
Also reading war memoirs has been one of the biggest helps. There is no such thing as true suffering in fiction, nor in video format. Its simply impossible to convey through anything but memory and written word and you'll get what I mean if you read some of them.
I honestly don't know if these are the steps to fixing yourself but its what helped me. Good luck anon.

>>40417404
>this fag can't even rep properly
I already get nausea seeing what testosterone did to me, if I wasn't on E (only managed to get on it after it had been irreversibly poisoning me for 16 years straight) I'd probably be dead.

>starts hrt at 16
>calls herself a "hrt repper"
why are boymoders like this?

>>40417448
*after T has been poisoning me
Stupid autocorrect

>>40416659 (OP)
>>40417433
But as far as I know, pop culture and pop psychology and even professional psychology to a degree will not be able to help you with this because its inheritly pathologizing which is the very last thing you want to do because that will make it seem truly inescapable. Thats why I say reading is so fucking important to getting out of the mindset of being your own worst nightmare and its reading about true suffering not the pop culture variety.
History is written by the victors and the present is too.
You need to find people who feel the same as you and work out a way to save yourself because no one else will.

>>40416659 (OP)
>it would be performative, and a bastardization of femininity. Most actual women probably wouldn't buy such a thing, and the AGP need for such an object shows that that I am operating on a twisted male view of what women want/do."
so fucking real.

STOP OVERTHINKING