i want a boyfriend i can comfort and i want to let him vent to me and cry around me and stuff and ill tell him its okay and do everything in my power to help. almost like a mother figure but i dont want to baby him or anything i just want to listen to him and be with him every day and tell him hes special and that im always there for him.
BUT i also want a boyfriend who will treat me like shit (within limits), and isnt afraid to hit me with the bitter truth when i confide in him and will also beat me nearly to death sometimes. and also slice me up and choke me now and then. and im not just talking about during sex
im also monogamous
so what the hell am i supposed to do? it would feel weird and fucked up to have both of these in the same person but it feels like thats the only kind of person i could love forever. plus someone who could fulfill these roles would be so insanely rare especially when filtering out genuine murderous schizos

>>40439539 (OP)
This is quite the laundry list anon and i hope you do find this so don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve

urgh so real. i know that ppl like that exist but theyre like rlly rare

>>40439539 (OP)
>reading the first parh
oh i'm the same
>BUT
OH I AM THE SA ME

imo it'd be easier to make a subby guy behave rougher on my demand than the other way around

rooting for you

>>40439632
Is picrel you

>>40439632
ur relationship looks good. i'm happy for u nona

>>40439662
no, but will be some day

>>40439681
I hope so anon

>>40439539 (OP)
I can do that except the beating to death part

>>40439598
might have to... :<
>>40439632
i guess it would be easier but the problem is i want a dominant guy, like that might be a higher priority. thats why this is a confusing and maybe mpossible desire because genuine dominant and imposing men are not very likely to be the type to cry in my arms or whatever. i just want to make him feel ok and him to make me feel ok (even if the way that happens is violent)

>>40439745
that isnt true you crazy bpd bitch

>>40439745
nona, we need therapy
that just sounds like a post abuse trauma but i'd give everything for a man like that god

>>40439539 (OP)
The first part certainly sounds nice, but I don't think I can be sufficiently mean to check off the second part of your laundry list. During sex, I can rough you up and leave you near comatose, but outside of that, I'd probably be a wet noodle desu
I'm also a massive loser and look like right in this >>40439632

>>40439733
well not to death i just mean something that will leave me gasping for air and covered in dark bruises. and only sometimes >.>
>>40439774
i dont have bpd fag
>>40439787
i wasnt even abused tho like maybe u could argue neglected but even that ehhhh. plus therapy is a scam if there was something that needed to be fixed i could fix it myself
>>40439813
:c sucks that this is probably the best i could reasonably hope for

>>40439865
you meet most of the boxes either way
you are like 90% bpd

>>40439539 (OP)
Be normal about it and pick one, also plenty of guys would be able to hurt you without permanent damage if that's what gets you off

>>40439539 (OP) On one hand I'd kind of like to explore CNC stuff with a girl that was into that but the very real possibility that they were into it explicitly because they were raped in the past makes me feel very ill even if I don't necessarily judge on a personal level.

>>40439539 (OP)
>BUT i also want a boyfriend who will treat me like shit (within limits), and isnt afraid to hit me with the bitter truth when i confide in him and will also beat me nearly to death sometimes. and also slice me up and choke me now and then. and im not just talking about during sex
Where do you people even get the idea that this is a normal thing to expect or ask for? I'm honestly curious. This board is a weird hivemind/nest of a specific type of mental illness where you all normalize this to each other, and somebody overly immersed in this board and not immersed enough in the real world could start to get the idea that these preferences are normal or common, but this is all so very far from normal. And it seems mostly localized to trans women specifically

Is transitioning basically just an act of self-mutilation? Like, is destruction of the body and spite of the body the whole point? That seems like the most obvious link between these common traits that so many of you seem to have

>>40439982
ok cool but like i wasnt raped and there are probably other people with similar desires that werent
>>40440038
i know its not a normal thing this whole thread has been me expressing how sad it is that its unlikely. you wouldnt catch me asking this from someone without being extremely close to them. and why i want is complicated and idk but i guess i just want someone who agrees with me (which is a normal thing to want in a relationship)

>>40439539 (OP)
The most I would do would be shake you really hard when I’m angry

>>40439539 (OP)
I did all of that for a guy that told me he loved me and it still wasn't enough.

>>40439539 (OP)
I would do this, but I am not good at anything more than bruses and choking and stuff.
Cutting you would not be something id like much.

>>40440790
That would be fine by me. Cutting is a bit far.

>>40440811
That's good then.
Too bad I am probably too far and all the girls that show interest get brainworms before becoming my gf.

>>40440489
thats terrible. i would hope wanting this kind of guy would be part of the appeal because a guy who wants to harm me sometimes probably wouldnt be able to do that much with a cis woman
>>40440790
theoretically i could go without the cutting, because thats one need i could easily satisfy myself

>>40440893
>Too bad I am probably too far
Lol that's my line, I'm normally on the other side of the world from people.

>>40440913
Guys say they want these things all the time but I'm starting to believe they actual don't. Or that they just want it for a short period of time and will see you as a used up punching bag and move onto someone else not as damaged.

>>40440914
All the ones near chicago have brainworms for some reason. You're probably in Aus. or something.

>>40440945
They don't. Insecure men will play along with these fantasies online so they can feel dominant, or simply because they're seeking attention from damaged people, and talking the talk will get their foot in the door at least enough to get some nude pics. It's a pretty ridiculous fantasy. The overlap between people who want to hurt you to THAT level, and people who want to date you, is pretty much nonexistant. There aren't even that many people outside the prison system willing to hurt you that badly WITHOUT dating you. And even if you conjured this man into existence out of your fantasies, unless they kept you completely hidden away from view, you're basically asking them to face felony charges just to sate your retarded fetish. If you're walking around with bruises and cuts and black eyes somebody's gonna report abuse whether it's consensual or not

Don't get me wrong dom/sub and sexual sadism are easy enough to find, but you just can't stop yourself from pushing it to an extreme that is completely unrealistic

>>40439539 (OP)
>i can comfort and i want to let him vent to me and cry around me and stuff and ill tell him its okay and do everything in my power to help
Lie, red flag and psyops. Every man on the face of the earth is on his own, with not even their mothers to comfort them, and everyone who say otherwise is seeking an opportunity to harm and blackmail them

>>40441251
>You're probably in Aus
Yup nailed it one.

>>40441363
What state

>>40441405
Vic

>>40441363
Damn, just have to give my first guess.
Better than having to remember NZ exists.

>>40441431
Oh :(

>>40439539 (OP)
Don't women get instantly the "ick" when men get fragile?

>>40441478
yes
never fall for that shit test

>>40441438
Nobody remembers that.
>>40441466
Guessing ur not?

>>40441489
QLD

>>40441853
Lel, why is it always qld?