>>40447922It got to be too much for me late last year. I couldn't see myself aging into a thirty-year-old dude, I didn't mind some of what was already happening but the thought of losing any hint of my boyishness to middle-aged manhood fucking terrified me. The final straw was my hair. I thankfully never had any noticeable hair loss, but it absolutely exists on my mother's side and I was living in absolute terror over it (and still am lowkey, the bald spot nightmares never stopped). Estrogen has brought back a lot of the waviness it had when it first started growing long, which has made me wonder how close I was really pushing it.
To get back to what I was responding to before dumping my entire life story, I really think the way in which the impetus for transition comes about varies super drastically between people for mental and material reasons. The one transfem I knew long before I actively thought about my own identity was convinced that she was a woman since those awkward tweenage years and had to tough out high school before finally getting on E. I know others who stumbled upon the realization deep into their 20s through their relationships. I think I'm the only person I know who felt an explicit desire to physically transition before seriously thinking about social transition - I still don't wear women's clothing, I don't bother the few people in my real life with pronouns, and I feel much more like an extreme body modder than a genuine woman. Seven months of injections have left me effeminate but extremely clocky, the occasional "misgendering" that I'd get in college has become a true tossup (was most recently asked "are you a girl?" by some random kid in public while wearing a tshirt and cargo shorts, never been thrown for such a loop). I felt good about my old photos at the time, but I look back and see a different person, not necessarily an unattractive one, but one who looks kinda like me who may have been happier had they gotten on HRT at that time.
