i keep finding old photos of myself from when i was 18 and 19 and it makes me so sad. i was so naturally cute and feminine i wanted to started hrt then but i depression-repped until i was 21

i don't want to be a twinkhon :c i don't want to be an ugly man. am i just dooming? did anything even really happen from 19 to 21?

>>40455392 (OP)
>18 and 19
>i wanted to start hrt then but i depression-repped until i was 21
currently me rn .. i will regret this won't i?

>>40455450
yes obviously, you already know that, that's what makes it depression repping

>>40455460
fuck ur right

>>40455467
i was already regretting it while i was doing it, but i was suicidally depressed, so it took me a year before i could move forwards with my life... if you any have any willpower at all, take action now

>>40455476
i think i'm in the exact same state as u were, i don't know if i have the will power to do , but i know im probably going to give it soon enough. i guess i just need a bit of time because im very overwhelmed and just not in the right mindset atm

sorry i made typos im tired

>>40455514
are there any like, procedural/bureaucratic things you can do now, and put off processing your feelings until you're closer? book an appointment, get on a waiting list, etc...

you'll thank yourself a lot if you do anything at all. it'll be the biggest favor you've ever done for yourself

Me but at 22

>>40455534
>procedural/bureaucratic
i actually tried transitioning legally and after months when i thought i was finally getting hormones they said i need to present as a woman for a few months beforehand. and obviously i cant do that because of the typical issues boymoders can relate to + its genuinely dangerous in my area. and that was one of the reasons i became so depressed (more than ever before) it just feels like any attempt i make to improve is pointless and for every step i try to take the world just pushes me back... just trying to build up the courage to start diy but im filled with so many negative thoughts and feelings

>>40455599
how do they make you prove you're living as a woman?

>>40455617
I honestly don't know, the psychiatrist said i need to find a name and make my family gender me female and call me that name (they wouldn't) and i would imagine he would want me to visibly present as female too. Even if i wanted to trick him and only do that during our appointments I honestly can't i'm nowhere near being able to do that stuff i'm too dysphoric and self conscious,,
the weirdest part is that the psychiatrist (who "specialised" in trans people) was a 50+ year old man that started identifying as non binary a few years ago. yet he used the same outdated practises and failed to understand my gender dysphoria because he is cis after all. that part pissed me off so much. but whatever i'm being ungrateful because some people in other countries have it worse with the legal system. still bad tho so diy is my only choice

>>40455644
it sounds like faking it is really worth it

crazy idea, but maybe it would be easier for you mentally if you make it, like, extra fake? choose a name to tell him that you don't actually want to use. buy a dress or something feminine that you don't actually like that.

that way mentally, maybe instead of feeling dysphoric about how you look, you're brain will accept it's just fake pretending for the sessions with him.

that way you can move forwards for real on your own time, not his, and he isn't pressing you to make choices about how you want to look and behave irl

sorry for giving unsolicited advice. i just don't want you to go through what i did :c

>>40455450
>>40455392 (OP)
>did anything even really happen from 19 to 21?
literally the same happened to me. i looked like a girl with just long hair when i was 16/17 but couldnt start hrt at that time.
started at 21 almost 22. testosterone did some changes to me. the main one was i had 0 facial hair and now i need to pay laser to remove the bit of mustache shadow i have and some on the chin. my face got sharper too.
you should start HRT ASAP, dont do the same mistakes people like me did

>>40455889
i could get into frat parties as a girl when i arrived at uni at 18 (frat boys are famous hugboxers). it makes me want to unironically kill myself that i didn't start hrt then

>>40455392 (OP)
iktf, except 18 to 23. idk about you, but for me:
>went from cute twink to straight up man
>ribcage got much bigger
>shoulders got much wider
>facial and body hair got much thicker
i go schizo about this daily but hopefully ill chill out after ffs

>>40455392 (OP)
>>40455514
>>40455539

DIY YOU DUMB WHORE

https://diyhrt.info/

>>40456196
i agree with this

i am the original starwalker

Do you regret transitioning?

>>40458198
no, i'm really happy i started hrt, even if i am a twinkhon... what i regret is not starting it earlier