I don't feel attraction to male bodies; I can't get off on pictures of naked men. I'm not attracted to them, but yet I wish I had romantic and sexual relationships with them. It's like they're nice and cool, but some mechanism, some structure in my brain just doesn't exist, it feels like if I didn't have a dick, or something, you know. I always was like that even before puberty, I know it for sure, always had those stupid thoughts. Am I gay? Am I attracted to men? I was literally a kid when I read tests and everything online to know if I have gayness (??? idk that's weird af). And it wasn't because of some logical or cognitive reasons it just tickled something in brain I don't know what.

Right now, I don't feel like myself, I feel like I have brains of two different people. And that's just too stupid to go in therapy, they can't give me anything new. "Yeah, you don't feel physical attraction, just date women, idiot. Time is over"

If I want a relationship with a man and that's primal, not some cognitive distortion then why the fuck I can't get off on them? Why am I cursed?

My biggest fear is to be stuck in a relationship with a man and know I have zero physical attraction to him even tho I'm trying my best to find it. I'll feel like a biggest lying shit.
I don't want to mess with people's feeling and yet I don't want hookups either. I just want to end those thoughts.

>>40457049 (OP)
slow down and breathe. OK, so for some reason you're drawn to being with a man or you like the idea of a male/male relationship. but you only have attraction to female bodies, right?
I'm curious what about being with a man is alluring for you.

I myself am not drawn to females at all and yet I ended up with one. why, how? because, this one butch turned out to be super cool and she doesn't give a fuck I'm straight. I've been honest with her from the start.
my advice to you is consider an intentional mixed/mismatched/asymmetrical orientation relationship. be totally honest and blunt, let the guy know that you're actually, genuinely straight but you want to be within a homosexual relationship. why not? I've realized you can just... be in a mismatched orientation relationship, so long as the other involved is not lied to.

>>40457049 (OP)
>>40457160
to add onto my post: I think the mixed/mismatched/asymmetrical relationship style is a yet unrealized form of companionship or orientation unto itself.

>>40457049 (OP)
i'm the opposite i like slapping dicks with guys but i am not romantically attracted to them, it's just fun to have easy going sex with them it's playtime really

>>40457191
are you actually sexually attracted to them though?

>>40457049 (OP)
HOCD

>>40457206
this is also an option for OP... depends if the thoughts stress him out or they seem nice/something he truly wants.

>>40457198
oh yeah big time

>>40457372
nice.

I've realized most everyone is running around with preconceived notions of how they should be within relationships and also when it comes to fucking, even when they're not straight.

>>40457160
>have attraction to female bodies
Sadly.
>I'm curious what about being with a man is alluring for you.
It's appealing on a higher level, you know. It feels really nice, but without sexual arousal and nicer than with women. That's why I've said it feels like I have parts of my brain from two different people. I want to have that spark; I don't want to be fake. I can be horny in a scenario, but never from their bodies, even tho I had crushes and daydreamed a lot about relationships with some of my friends, it's just not the same as with women's bodies. If I could take a pill that turns me homosexual only forever, I'd take it without a second thought. It's just not the same with women. If I'll start describing to you a perfect woman: tall, nice wide shoulders, athletic, flat chest, low fat, strong facial features - bro, that's just a man without a dick, and I like dick, I guess I always do. And when I say masculine women, I mean all those body features, not only personality and aesthetic. When they have too much fem features, I'm not interested. And nah, I don't like twinks, I think about more masculine men. And if you ask me a woman of my dream or an average guy, I'd pick an average guy, idk why.
Women just arouse me with their feet, or clothes, or ass, or pose, and I can do nothing about that. I hate that. My soul isn't attracted to that.
I want to wake up with a man, cuddle with a man, kiss a man, have dinner with a man, marry a man, walk with a man, dance with a man, etcetcetc. And I like how they make me feel. You know, when I'm attracted to women, I'm like completely empty inside, there is just some object of my desire, but I never think about how she can satisfy me, please me, I feel nothing if they do, I feel alienated. But if I imagine a guy's head on my chest. God.... I don't want this to end. I feel in my body and my body is happy, but I'm not aroused by their bodies after all; the situation can be very hot, but not the body(?).

>>40457781 (Continuation)
I wish I could care about some guy and forget about women forever.

>>40457206
>>40457272
>if the thoughts stress him out or they seem nice/something he truly wants.
As you see, it's more like the second.

Date an ftm

>>40457781
well... are you attracted or aroused by prick itself or not? you typed "I like dick, I guess I always do."

>>40457802
The worst of both worlds. I'm not vaginasexual.
>>40457818
If I think like I'll do something with it, I guess. It's never like "bhe a fucking dick, god, please no", it's always nice. And no, a tranny wouldn't work for me because, yes, I'm attracted to their fem features like to women, it's just give me a real man please, you know. I want men for features women don't have.

>>40457900
OK, so you're not prick-repulsed and situationally you might be able to get aroused by a man. but you lack genuine attraction to men themselves?

I don't see why you can't seek out a mismatched/asymmetrical relationship with a man, just be blunt with him. "hey, I'm an unusual stripe of not-homosexual but interested."
at least you're not prick-repulsed... I'm cunt-repulsed but guess who I'm with. yet, the bond is so special it makes it matter less.

you can't feel attracted to any men? or just an average man. the average man looks like shit

>>40457818
this is the most important question when it comes to sexuality i think... do u enjoy sex the other persons primary sexual organs?
for me i really racked up a lot of seeming evidence of me being straight, but i just don't like vagina.
a penis on the other hand is so alluring to me... the way it works & the way it pleases me just feel so much better it's hard to describe honestly.
all the other secondary stuff is mostly (self-)conditioning i think.

>>40457049 (OP)
You need to know the word.

Fact: women are much more fluid than men simply because of a word that grants them a nationality (lesbian) and an imaginary friend (sappho).

There is a new word hidden in the rainbow -yours for the taking. Take to the soaring heights of romantic roleplay today!

>>40457974
yes, and/or the question of: do you like the idea of putting your tongue/mouth on their primary sexual organs? if the idea of that repulses you you're not attracted, your body will try to reject whatever it reads as innately revolting to you entering through your mouth.
even though for myself someone of my own kind has gotten me off I just cannot make myself attracted to the heart of my own sex, it's not happening.

the secret is that you can enter into a relationship without mutual attraction, just be honest with the other involved.

>>40458000
very good addition. thx anon.
the first time a woman (made me) eat her out, i legit gagged. ts taste like battery acid. dick however, i really love it and apparently i'm also really good at it.
i could never look a woman into the eyes while having sex. it made me feel ashamed that I didn't enjoy this AT ALL and all I wanted was to not let that show and get it over with asap.

>>40457945
It's hard to feel attracted to any men if he's not in my arms.
>>40457924
OK, so you're not prick-repulsed and situationally you might be able to get aroused by a man. but you lack genuine attraction to men themselves?
I like dick, but sometimes their bodies can turn me off or something like this idk.
>I don't see why you can't seek out a mismatched/asymmetrical relationship with a man, just be blunt with him. "hey, I'm an unusual stripe of not-homosexual but interested."
That's a bad idea desu.
>>40457974
But then why do I have problems with the other stuff?
>>40458000
I have no idea how genitals can be repulsive. I'd like to suck, give a handjob or play in other way with it you know, that's really hot.
>>40458053
I wouldn't be repulsed by vagina, but I'd feel empty inside, I guess.

>>40458105
>That's a bad idea desu.
why?

>>40458132
I'm not that cute or handsome and not gonna top, so I'm not that interesting for gays who can find experiments attractive.

>>40458190
I'm not sure if you're an atypical bisexual or you're straight with a prick fetish but anon, you're aroused by prick itself and find the idea of cuddling with a man to be warm and fuzzy. the only pieces you're missing is being attracted to the rest of the man's body. I could see you making it work with another guy.

>>40458216
I don't even watch gay porn or something, anon. I'm sad rn and wish I could forget about everything and never live through this again.

>>40458231
why are you so sad? you've got nearly everything anyone else has in order to make a relationship work. why not try it?

>>40458105
> I'd like to suck, give a handjob or play in other way with it you know, that's really hot.
> I wouldn't be repulsed by vagina, but I'd feel empty inside, I guess.
observe how differently you word these things. you want a penis. you're gay. you'll come around to it.
try to get as much as possible over the disgust of lusting over mens bodies society has imprinted on you. look up men's bodies, see what you like. imagine yourself touching them, feeling all the little creeks and muscles and bones.
and most importantly, if you're already thinking all of this, go to a gay bar or something and just kiss a dude. it doesn't have to be more than that.
if you're anything like me, this will be the moment it ALL CLICKS. there's no shame in this and the beauty of being with someone who feels the same way is unmatched.

>>40458249
Because I feel stupid, anon. Because even in a relationship I'd look at women a lot, and I'd hate it in myself.

Do you think I'm like those stupid women who are hella lesbian and everything, but are actually straight, do you think so?

>>40458316
you need to stop being so hard on yourself in this vein, anon.
look, I'm with a masc as hell butch but I'm straight, OK? the butch knows and accepts I look at men. I can't stop being attracted to men nor can I make myself be attracted to female parts. but, this butch and I just click so well, and it helps it's a stone top x pillow princess configuration.

honestly, reading your own descriptions of what you're into and what you're not... it's difficult to figure out what you are, but your stress surrounding it all isn't helping.
you have attraction to female anatomy but it seems to really bother you/stress you out. you do like prick and balls but the rest of the man seems to not really be to your taste... yet you get warm, fuzzy feelings about being non-sexually intimate with a man.
if you don't consume pornography then it's likely this is what you really are. why do you hate that you look at women?

>>40458291
>observe how differently you word these things.
And? Maybe I'm trying to condition myself.
>look up men's bodies
I do.
>see what you like
I do.
>imagine yourself touching them
I kinda do.
>just kiss a dude
I think about it a lot. But
>disgust over mens bodies
never ends.
After all I'm straight and attracted to fem clothes and bodies. Also, I have a feeling like women smell better than men, and I'd like their smell. I don't know how other men smell, I don't wanna be weird about it, I like my smell tho, but that's like everybody else.
>>40458391
If you're straight, what do you like about her? I don't think she has something special men can't offer.

>if you don't consume pornography then it's likely this is what you really are.
As I've said in OP I was like this before porn. The first time I jerked off at feet in thigh highs on a woman, and very later I've tried to watch gay porn, idk why, but I ended only when imagined those were me and my classmate (I didn't have feelings for a classmate at all). I watched gay porn only a few times, but I'm not into that, I don't feel aroused, and I don't watch solo it feels like nothing.
>why do you hate that you look at women?
Idk. It's like, yes, I feel aroused and nice in dick, but at the same time electrocuted. I'm very tired of this.

>>40458552
into similar, shared niche interests and no one has ever treated me this carefully before. she's just cool and unusual. you ever met someone and click with them so well it's like you've already been friends before? it was like that. nobody's ever been excited by what I'm attracted to before, how to please me better.

>It's like, yes, I feel aroused and nice in dick, but at the same time electrocuted. I'm very tired of this.
I see. if you could be with a man, somehow, then it could potentially serve as a restful zone of companionship/eros instead of feeling like your guts are being sucked from your very being then.

>>40457781
Are you sure you have no romantic feelings for men? Cause this sounds like you do

>>40458653
I'm talking about physical attraction.

>>40457781
As a gay man myself, that last paragraph reads very gay to me imo.
Ive seen a reddit post about a dude that got hard from seeing a dude but never in his life thought he was gay so maybe you just need a certain person? Imo try going to gay events, gay clubs at least in my city are full of old men but its the events all the young ones go to. Talk around and maybe theres someone that interests you

I'm reading about HOCD and it's just funny, the last thing to decide if I'm straight HOCD or gay HOCD.

>>40458682
Idk.
I recall from my memory one time a girl sat on my lap, and I was hard af even tho I didn't like that girl, and wasn't interested at all, and wanted everything to end. Never happened with a guy tho. I mean I was close with a few guys accidentally, but I never was hard tho I was scared to be, so I'm thankful I wasn't. I'm just straight, probably mentally ill.

>>40458864
or maybe you're an unusual variety of straightness, anon.

>>40458910
are you that straight girl?
tell me more about your partner please

>>40458938
she's 5'8" and pale. this will sound special snowflake as hell but she's sort of a hybrid between a schizoid and vaguely psychopathic-like. very sweet to me. masculine, in face and overall behavior yet as I said, sweet to me only. she hates people. likes to read up on criminal behavior. articulate. if you want to know more specifics then maybe I'll answer but only if you're polite.

this sounds like charlotte trying to be lesbian in SATC

https://youtu.be/bHBjjIC9Eq0

>>40458552
ur so deep in the closet I hope u can come out someday... ts gave me a personality disorder jsyk

like, love this love that. you can love you pet, you can love your friends, you can love your family, you can love a painting, you can love a piece of clothing... whatever.
love is just a descriptor for appreciation. what matters for a relationship in the deeper sense is good sex.
the dude has stated here that he feels "emptiness" with a vagina but fantasizes about penisses.
if you worship the phallus, your androphilic. if you worship the pussy, your gynephilic. if you worship both, you're bisexual.
do yourself the favor and have enjoyable sex. it's one of the few nice things in a human's life. you deserve, you can have it.
i didn't believe so for a long time and romance and sex were always just painful for me, but after coming to terms with who I am, it's finally the thing that makes me feel human.
an animal, a biological being that is preprogrammed to enjoy the process of courting for potential mates and engaging in sexual activity with them.

>>40459112
What does she love about you? In which way she treats you differently than others did?
How do you interact with her intimately? What do you like to do for her?
>if you're polite.
Idk, am I polite enough? Was I unpolite?
>>40459228
Why do you think I'm in the closet if I'm so open minded about everything?
>>40459312
To me, genitals aren't everything and body matters a lot.

>>40459386
> Why do you think I'm in the closet if I'm so open minded about everything?
you're open minded on an anonymous imageboard... this is as close to confessing as it gets.
> Why do you think I'm in the closet if I'm so open minded about everything?
no let me tell you THEY ARE EVERYTHING. this is what sex is about in the most reductionist terms. the genital.

>>40459386
you coming here and telling me
> b- but her body and she's so nice and whatever
is just cope. if you had real sex once in your life you'd realize it's all about the genital.

>>40459422
are you mixing up OP and myself?

>>40459386
she loves everything about me, in her own words. she enjoys how exactly I'm configured in personality, says I'm the most in sync with myself than anyone else she's ever met. I can make her laugh, and as stated above we share niche interests.
she is patient, kind, doesn't lash out at me. we can actually communicate and resolve issues when they arise between us, which is rare anyway. I appreciate her fearlessness when it comes to discussing anything which in turn makes me feel comfortable opening up to her, so the communication only strengthens with time.
she talks to me with a mind for what turns me on, and uses her mouth/tongue and fingers on me.
I enjoy bringing her new facets of information regarding a mutual interest of ours.

if it wasn't blindingly obvious, she strongly, strongly prefers being a stone top that doesn't want me to "do" for her, whether that has to do with fucking or doing "labor" within the relationship otherwise. some out there want a 50-50 relationship. she wants as close to a 99-1 relationship as possible.

>>40459402
>you're open minded on an anonymous imageboard... this is as close to confessing as it gets.
How can I be in the closet if I'm not gay? I'm bi at best. I have no need to tell this to others; nobody cares. I'm open minded to myself to be gay, I never cared if somebody would mistreat me for this. I'm just not and I don't know why I feel like it'd be better if I was.
>>40459422
Idk, I can't argue about that.
>>40459562
>she wants as close to a 99-1 relationship as possible.
But why? Maybe she thinks you can't provide?

>>40459633
> Idk, I can't argue about that.
pleeease accept this. i'm being as real as it gets here.
>>40459562
yes, sorry I don't know who's who atp

this just sounds like you are hella repressed lol

>>40458291
NTA, Why do people always go with weird wording like that, what’s „beautiful” about that?

>>40459739
i assume you mean what's beautiful about being with someone who's also gay?
well, it just is. i find gay couples incredible aesthetic because I can relate to their love.

bump

>>40459633
>But why? Maybe she thinks you can't provide?
she strongly prefers it being this way, she wants to provide for me in all ways, in every way. as for why... I've asked about that. she's a control freak (her words) and it feels deeply gratifying for her to take care of me while I do not have to "do." sexually or otherwise. I think the explanation is some are just this way. some are wired to be want to be taken care of or bottom, some are tired to want to serve or take care of another, and to top.

>>40460176
this thread is over. the dude is gay.

>>40458391
>you have attraction to female anatomy but it seems to really bother you/stress you out. you do like prick and balls but the rest of the man seems to not really be to your taste... yet you get warm, fuzzy feelings about being non-sexually intimate with a man.
i'm like this but the opposite
>attraction to male anatomy but it seems to really bother stress me out [not anymore but it used to]. i do like tits and ass but the rest of the woman seems to not really be to my taste... yet i get warm, fuzzy feelings about being non-sexually intimate with a woman.

date a tranny

Bump

>>40460198
So, is it true? Bottoms have no sexuality? Kek.
Why are you even here if you're a cis straight girl?
>>40460925
How are you dealing with this anon? And what do you mean
>not anymore but it used to
?

>>40461141
they're too much of women