Hrt, full passing I see no hope. Even beyond stealth I see no hope. I’m male in my soul. My life. My being. I project nothing but maleness.
But I’m not dysphoric anyway and I should accept this state of affairs abs not pursue a fetish or anything that isn’t mine. And yet I can’t make myself stop wanting crap.

>>40466174 (OP)
>nooooo i pass and am stealth but life is soooooo bad :(
Will you fuck off man

>>40466199
I don’t either of those

>>40466199
Funny I don’t think I even want that? I’m a real fuvking nb ig

>>40466174 (OP)
>class of 09
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B-s5HIN9Ko

>>40466301
severe, and I mean fucking severe, autism

>>40466174 (OP)
class of 09 mention

>>40466301
the pause after guiness killed me

>>40466301
Real

>>40466174 (OP)
Gooner fetish <3
Die man moid

>>40466174 (OP)
>"not dysphoric"
>concerned about being male in her soul and everything she does
i've seen autistic bisexual cis women who are more malebrained and act more male than you probably ever could

>>40466560
Nope
I’m a creep
I’m disgusting
My dysphorua is oerfomative it all is
My SEX AND GENDER are purely male
Hate hate hate

>>40466560
I just need to accept my state of being and stop this crap
It’s theatrics to convince others I’m a trans woman so they can defend my made up identity for me but they fail to see I’m a real man and so the dissonance grows
Im going insane actually

>>40466207
Oh I see, I misunderstood your post.

>>40466174 (OP)
Just embrace your transbianism and find a smaller weaker girl to take out all your anger about your maleness on

>>40466652
I’m too male for thst

>>40466174 (OP)
> I project nothing but maleness
> not dysphoric anyway

I missed what the actual fucking issue here is, you're describing a normal human male with no gender problems

>>40466939
I’m agp On hrt

>>40466989
you sound like you have dysphoria, dysphoric doesn't necessarily mean trutrans if that's what's stopping you from considering yourself as a dysphoric

>>40467011
Everyone but me and very few cases are trutrans regardless of age or looks
I’m just build wrong and just can’t help myself
I wish it was different but i need to accept I’m a fetish agp mef male on hrt. Pretending I’m not is just fake shit.

>>40466603
I'm repeating exactly this every single day ever since I've stopped taking my hrt.
I've reached the point of being convinced that I'm cis, but I've yet to stop wanting estrogen

>>40467237
just take your hrt, be a gay dude and manmode. low dysphorics have an easier life and theres no shame in admitting that

>>40467275
I am not gay nor feminine in the slightest, but I have luckshit potential.
No matter how much I'd prefer being a woman over a man, I will always just be skinwalking one.
That will always be more dreadful to me than seeing my body be ravaged by testosterone

>>40466174 (OP)
What even makes you think you are inescapably male?
You type extremely fembrained at the very least

>>40468644
I’m not fbrained this is confirmed by unbiased sources

>>40468750
Pretty sure I am unbiased. At least as unbiased as an anon on the internet can be.
Simply saying you're not fembrained while not giving any proof is pretty damn fembrained

>>40468852
Idk everything I do is beyond masculine
Looks behavior, voice, writing style.
It’s pretty obvious.
You are just a tranny trying to feel better so you say shit like this to have a connection with anons. Maybe. I’m mind reading.
It’s like insane dissonance to see this ogre be anything but masculine
Agsin nothing wrong with it just need acceptance of it! Manly male ogre is a good father figure I heard from shrek fans

>>40468911
I'm no tranny, but I also feel like I am 'inescapably male" in any imaginable way, and I struggle to accept this simple fact.
Maybe you are right about me only saying this to make myself feel better, I'm no therapist, and also too stupid to understand myself.
I very much relate to the insane dissonance you are talking about. It's genuinely crippling, and it makes it impossible for me to simply make even simple stylistic choices,
like getting a new haircut or wearing or wearing anything besides a tshirt and jeans.
It feels like "self expression" was simply not meant for me and I have to settle for being a stoic blank slate.
Everything that steps outside the norm will only reveal how much of an ogre I actually am.
Despite all that I'd still wager that you are more fembrained than you are giving yourself credit.

>>40469095
Yes
A stoic unfunny uncouth blank nothing
Empty within and without
At least real cis and trans women have to be themselves
Me a man have no choice but to be myself in the most normal way possible.
I’m nothing. Maybe I just think be that man, and express myself that way
But even then idk how.

>>40469232
I think it's very much is possible to express oneself as a man, but I've never was able to do it with it feeling inauthentic.
In my case at least I prefer being a blank slate rather than feeling like I am always perpetually lying by simply existing.
Nothing I ever do or say feels like it's actually something I did. It's as if I am completely untethered from reality and everything is completely inconsequential.
I once had hope that transitioning could fix this for me, but it quickly became apparent that this "male void" was simply intrinsic to me

>>40469392
Yep
Yep yep
I feel even one step further removed. I was once ok living like that. I thought I was getting better at it too. But now? It’s over. The void has consumed me.

>>40469418
This is actually the biggest, if not only reason, why I haven't fully trooned out yet.
I simply can't conceptualize it fixing anything, instead only adding another layer to the lies.
Really wish that weren't the case though.
The worst part of it all to me is that I've now can't simply let myself be the man I actually am anymore.
Never had any issues with it in the past, but now everything that reminds me of the fact only fills me with immense dread

I agree with a lot of the posts ITT. I was an out tranny in high school and flourished socially (had a lot of friends, did shit, dated, etc.), got to college, and started HRT at 17, but I pretty much sensed the pendulum swinging and stopped before all the recent shit. Honestly, I don't know if I could have persisted in the current climate.
It wasn't ever a performance or theatrics: what I felt was real, I was supported, and as such I could thrive. These days it feels like I'm missing a genuine, significant part of myself.
Now, I've masculinized a lot more and have very little chance of passing (where it existed prior) as it is. I'm dedicating my life to finding some kind of freedom of form -- a career in biomedical engineering -- but whereas before trooning (and thus being happy) was a constant day-in, day-out thought, now it feels a lot more distant and clinical, but still pervasive.
I've been persistent in making the most of what I have but the results have been limited. I got into lifting and have taken it pretty far, but only to keep myself alive and healthy. I try to buy clothes that I like but usually end up spiraling. I tried dating and hate it now. I wig both men and women out now with my distinct lack of maleness. I turned to drugs to dissociate for a while before that became untenable.
In self-preservation I've alienated myself from everything that made life worth living. I don't visit this board very often now because I just despair at how I'm just as dysfunctional as the worst of these hoes but at least they've hit some level of self-actualization.
Walks in nature, maybe as cliche as it sounds, have been the few time I've been able to escape my emotions. A few months ago, I woke up to a silent, foggy mountain sunrise. I became so engrossed in it I felt I ceased to be a person, which seems to be the cure now more than anything else.

>>40470899
Holy shit this is horrible

I want to give you a hug anon :(

>>40466174 (OP)
>My maleness is inescapable
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E935Od_J4fw