I myself am quite partial to reading TERF "fake boy" hate threads.
Looking at myself shirtless or in just a binder goes crazy as well.
Not eating.
And last but not least, reading the most degrading, humiliating, disturbing ftm rape erotica I can find and then seeking out fucked up situations to get myself into.

Is anyone else like this? I cant talk about this stuff to anyone.

>>40486817 (OP)
you need help

>>40486817 (OP)
OP youre messed up wanna be my bf?

>>40486817 (OP)
sometimes I'll look at mtf timelines while I'm looking into the mirror just to remind myself how over it is.
>reading the most degrading, humiliating, disturbing ftm rape erotica I can find
this but mtf. ive begun asking my bf to degrade me, slap me around, and choke me during sex as it's the only way I don't feel incredibly guilty about him sleeping with me.

>>40486817 (OP)
I read posts on r/mtf then tell myself I am exactly like these people

>>40486817 (OP)
cutting, and I like reading threads about how shitty I am for being a tranny. I like hurting myself because I'm a piece of shit, and I'm brown.

>>40486832
>>40486847
thats funny because I generally consider myself mentally recovered now

>>40486817 (OP)
I like to mirror all my selfies and look at other mtfs my age personally

>>40486817 (OP)
mostly just this board

>>40486817 (OP)
i starve myself to feel good but i think thats just cause im a masochist

>>40486913
Im sorry to hear about that. Its very relatable though.
I hope you can work up the courage to tell him that you are feeling that way if you haven't already.
My gf was really heart broken to find out how much the weird kinky stuff I asked for actually hurt me. She wouldn't have done it if she knew.

im mtftmthrt twink but my fav was ovarit b4 it got shutdown, mumsnet is okay, i had a twitter account following a bunch of radfems and they always had more hurtful stuff which was pleasent. I liked to constantly measure my most body parts that are proportionally the most masculine (esp my height) and overmeasure some parts if they werent rlly masculine. When my body hair grows i like to stare down and think of myself as a hairy freak, but I mentally can't handle letting my hair grow too much. After my first time malefailing (it was by a toddler so idk if it counts) I felt rlly disgusted at myself for lying and cut my hair short. My hair was my best feature and I put tons of care into making it fabulous so it hurt a bunch. I also liked to incorporate being a poopjeet into it, looking up Hijra’s and telling myself i'm one of them. Also looking up online hate or commentary on how masculine and hairy brown men are. There's probably some other stuff im forgetting but those were good. They really validated my detransition and my decision to just be a hrt twink.

>>40487121
>I hope you can work up the courage to tell him that
I probably won't tell him for the reasons you mentioned. I don't want him to feel bad for doing it because he was already hesitant in the first place. plus I find it hot and probably deserve it to some extent so it's ok.

>>40486817 (OP)
>Favorite dysphoria inducing self harm method
i go to the profile of youngshit passoids on instagram/tiktok to see how they pass flawless and have normal lives and then i look at myself on the mirror ^____^
i always cry when i do that like not even once i didnt its a very good way of selfharm to me

yass i love overmeasuring my height trying to convince myself im 5'11 or 6'0. I also like to go on public transit and decide that everyone's shoulders or heads are way smaller than mine. Now that ovarit is gone where else can I hear from terfs? I see vexxed.org and clovenhooves but nowhere big

>>40486817 (OP)
when i was like 16 and couldn't start hrt i would spend hours arguing with terfs on like reddit.

now i just read stories about people transitioning younger than i did (21) and cry about how i destroyed my life and dreams by not fighting to get hrt earlier

>>40487737
>now i just read stories about people transitioning younger than i did (21) and cry about how i destroyed my life and dreams by not fighting to get hrt earlier
SAME both in age we started and what we do. i came out to my parents at 17y but only started at 21y :D

>>40487819
finally someone who gets it :c

i turned down my dream uni offer so i could move to a different country where i could get hrt. i then proceeded to not get it for three years. makes me want to vomit

>>40487589
This is really serious you have to tell him or at least stop doing those things with him.

For BDSM to not be traumatising it has to be fully consensual. You are not just violating yourself, you are violating your partner by not sharing this important information.

You can still have kinky sex if you want to, just make sure its safe for both of you.

>>40486817 (OP)
can i rape you next? it's my turn now, bitch

>>40486817 (OP)
>ftm rape erotica
Artists name? Give me your list

>>40488332
i usually just go on ao3 under origional works with tags like rape, transphobia, trans male character, boy pussy, dead dove, incest, etc and already the freakiest shit comes up.
stories with parental incest are the most triggering bc my parents kind of sexually abused me lol
I also like to read stories about characters I relate to it always hits close to home

>>40488671
Total rape victim death. I read posts from damaged goods like you and thank the Lord I never came close to this

>>40486817 (OP)
Cute liddle dood

ghosting everyone i love and slowly watching them all slowly hate me more and more. that or they just never respond to me anymore. these past few years ive become a very lonely person mostly due to my own actions. it makes me hate myself more and more and maybe one day ill hate myself and be just volitile enought to off myself. i hate this world, i hate myself. i deserve this

>>40486817 (OP)
i like to cut myself while listening to sad music and reading the bpdlovedones subreddit and imagining they all hate trannies to remind myself im a disgusting evil abusive waste of a person

>>40486817 (OP)
>let me keep interacting with the things that hurt me
How come every single ftm is just a retarded fucking woman?

i starve myself so im like a ksinny boy yk for my beautigful gf and theni i used to ccu tmyself on my boobs so its liie omggg i hate boobs!!! yay blood!!21!! yk???? uhhhhhhh also edtwt...yayyayayyayay!!! ilove my girlfriend!!! i will be askinny boy for her!!! aeheheheheh

>>40486817 (OP)
I like to read the hate terfs transphobes and mtfs have for ftms. i also like to see posts on how we are disgusting and the only ones of us that have value are the ones who have yet to actually transition and look like women. thinking about how we have no history or culture or actual community and nobody knows we exist because we arent worth remembering. reddit also because the ftms on reddit are extremely retarded and fembrained

This board